


It's a Beautiful Kind of Pain

by Robron101



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mpreg, Robron Child, Science Fiction, before the affiar reveal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 19:25:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 45,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6870385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robron101/pseuds/Robron101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Aaron is one of the males who was taken at birth to have a uterus implanted in him. He's always felt unnatural, like a freak, that is until he meets Robert who finally makes him feel slightly normal, and he doesn't care that Aaron is different. Aaron slowly begins to fall and fall hard until it's too late and he's in love with him, but Robert is engaged to Chrissie. Aaron knows he can't lose him, and takes drastic measures to keep Robert for himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Still a Little Piece of You Dies as You Scream

**Author's Note:**

> I NEED TO STOP WRITING NEW FICS! 
> 
> Anyway - this one I've been thinking about for months and finally decided to write. It's very science fiction, and the whole uterus implant will be explained later, just know that it's not some unexplained phenomenon male pregnancy. There is a reason behind it, that will be explained in the next chapter. 
> 
> The Title for this story is _Beautiful Pain_ by Eminem and Sia.

The streets of Leeds were bustling with people, and no one noticed the young man walking along with them. His dark hoodie pulled up over his head even though it was too warm for one. He ignored the bystanders as they ignored him. He didn’t want to be noticed. If he was, then they’d know. Know what he was, and most would judge, some would feel sympathetic, but most would scowl in his direction and slur epithets of hate at him. Aaron knew they couldn’t tell by just looking at him, but some could. The older ones who thought he was a nature against God. The elderly ones would look at him, and could tell just from his age what he was. Most of the time they wouldn’t say anything, but if he went past a pack of protesters they would scream at him to repent, to ask him to save his own soul, or to tell him he was going to hell. He would just drop his head, pull his hoodie closer, and walk away from them as fast as he could. 

Luckily he hadn’t ran into a group of them. The people around him were too busy with their own problems. Most on their phones, too entranced by today’s technology to even notice he existed, and that’s just the way he liked it. He was nervous enough as it was without him running into a group of protesters. Today was the day and he didn’t need the aggravation of being told he was disgusting, he already knew that was true. 

He turned a corner of the street in the city, and groaned internally. He stopped, his feet feeling like lead as he saw what he was dreading. A group of protesters were outside the clinic, at least a hundred of them; holding picket signs Aaron couldn’t read from being too far away - even though he already knew what they said. Most of them were older, some younger - corrupted by the older generation to think his kind was a sin. 

He wanted to run and keep running. The protesters were screaming, but he couldn’t hear them through the blood rushing in his ears. His breathing became erratic and almost regretting his Mum’s offer to come with him. Almost. He honestly didn’t wanter her with him when he found. He took a deep breath and headed over to the protester surrounded clinic. 

Aaron made his way through the protesters. He knew it was too good to be true that he might make it through them without being stopped. “Young man,” someone said. Aaron turned around - wishing he hadn’t at the sight of a man in his late forties or early fifties. His eyes filled with what he was sure the man would call ‘God’s’ fire. “Are you here to join us?” Aaron almost laughed. He knew the man didn’t want to confirm his allegiance but whether or not he was a carrier. 

“No,” Aaron mumbled and quickly walked away as best he could through the protesters. It wasn’t fast enough and the man’s hateful voice followed after him. “May God forgive you!” 

Aaron flinched at the words. _God_ , he wanted to scream. _God doesn’t care! Stop using him as an excuse behind your sick crusade to condemn those who had no choice_. He didn’t; knowing it would do no good. He pushed through, trying to ignore the other slurs that were thrown at him. He almost made it without letting the hurtful words get to him, but just as he was about to open the glass doors to the clinic did some whisper harshly into his ear. 

_“Freak!”_

Aaron flinched at the word. Wanting so badly to run away, curl up and put a blade to his body to make it go away. He couldn’t though. He had to know the truth - _the truth might make him stay_. It was all in vain, and Aaron knew that and he hated him even more for it. _It didn’t stop me, though_. 

Aaron opened the door to the clinic, almost sighing at the coolness inside the building. People were scattered about in plastic chairs. Some tapping their foot impatiently as they waited, and some sitting alone looking scared like he was sure he did at the moment. There was one couple, pressed together and smiling at each other like they couldn’t be happier if they tried. He wanted to scream at them in jealousy. _He should be here! Not with her but with me!_

He shook his head, held back the tears that were threatening to spill, and walked over to the counter where a nurse was seated behind a computer. She looked up as he approached her, a kind smile on her face, even though he knew it was a professional fake one. He’d seen enough of those in the past couple of months from being with him. 

“Hi,” she said, “what can I help you with?” 

“I’m here for an ultrasound appointment,” he mumbled, hating the words that slipped past his lips. 

“Name?” She asked, her eyes flicking to the computer; waiting so she could look him up in the database. 

“Aaron Livesy,” he said. She clicked away at the keys, scrolled with the mouse while she chewed on her pink painted lips. She nodded once and turned back to him. 

“If you’ll have a seat Mr. Livesy and we’ll be with you in a moment,” she pointed over at the plastic chairs. Aaron nodded once and took a seat with the other waiting patients. The seat were hard and cold. _Just like the ones in prison_ , Aaron thought. Of course he knew this was like a prison, one where he got to live on the outside but suffered each day from what he held locked inside his body. 

Another nurse popped her head out and called a name. The couple sitting together as a happy family stood up and walked into the back with the nurse. Aaron hated them without even knowing them. He closed his eyes and pictured what it would be like if he was with him. He’d hold his hand, kiss his forehead, and whisper it was all going to be okay. He’d smile and tell Aaron he loved him, even though he didn’t. Aaron wanted to vomit, and swallowed hard to keep the bile that turned in his stomach down. 

He looked around the room, his eyes landing on a poster with large red block letters. _OUC TODAY, IS OUR CHILDRENS FUTURE OF TOMORROW_! Aaron shook his head and looked away from the poster, hating the way the words stuck in his head on repeat. _They know shit_! He thought angrily. _God knows what these children will be like_. 

“Mr. Livesy?” Aaron looked up at same place the couple had disappeared through. A different nurse was standing there, holding a clipboard, and looking around the waiting room. Aaron stood up and walked over to her, and tried to return the smile she was giving him. “Just through here,” she said and stepped back so he could walk through the door into the back of the clinic. “How are you feeling today?” She asked him. 

“Nervous,” he said honestly. She nodded as if she understood. Aaron wanted to scoff and tell her to fuck off. She would never know what it’s like to be in his shoes, and a pang ran through his chest for her. Pity. He hated it and hated to give it, but it was sad to him that she would never have to worry about this. 

“Well you have nothing to worry about,” she smiled and pulled back a curtain for him to walk through. “Go on ahead and have a seat on the table, and a doctor will be with you in a minute.” She closed the curtain behind her before he could thank her, not that he planned to. 

Aaron took off his hoodie before climbing up on the table and lying back. He tried to ignore the medical smell of the room, breathing through his mouth so he wouldn’t vomit. He hated the harshness of the fluorescent lights, and the too white walls covered in posters about how the OUC community was doing a great duty to this generation. There was one about birth control, one about how it was important to inform your partner if you were an OUC, and one about the dangers of not regularly having your OU checked. 

He counted the second . . . 1 2 3 . . . 20 21 22 . . . 45 46 47 . . . 80 81 82 . . . 120 121 122 . . . and so on and on until the doctor showed up. It was an older woman, almost in her late sixties. “Hello,” she looked down at her clipboard before looking up at him, “Mr. Livesy. Here for an ultrasound.” 

_Obviously since you just said it_ , Aaron wanted to snap. He kept his mouth shut and just nodded. She walked over to pull a machine Aaron had made sure to keep his eyes off, already knowing what it was and not wanting to think about it. He should be here, he thought again. 

“Alright Mr. Livesy,” the doctor said as she flipped a switch on top of the machine. “Pull up your shirt for me.” Aaron hesitated before reaching down and pulling his shirt up, grimacing as he did. He kept his eyes away from his stomach and kept them focused on the doctor. She hadn’t looked, too busy pulling some kind of paddle off the machine and grabbing a bottle shaped like the ones they use in cafe to hold condiments. 

“Here we go,” she said and looked at his stomach. Aaron turned his face, closing his eyes in shame. The scars decorating his stomach making him wish he’d refused to lift his shirt. The doctor cleared her throat, and poured something very cold onto his stomach. Aaron jerked and snapped his head to the doctor. “Sorry,” she said with a kind smile, “should have warned you the gel was cold.” 

“S’fine,” Aaron mumbled, glad she wasn’t asking about his scars. She held the paddle over his stomach. “What is that?” He asked before she could touch him with it,

“An ultrasound machine,” she said. _No shit_ , Aaron wanted to reply with sarcastic comment so bad, but he bit his tongue and thought it instead. “I meant the paddle part,” he said politely. 

“It’s a sensor,” she pressed it against his stomach and swirled it around the cool gel. “It will let me see inside you so we can find out what’s going on in you.” Aaron nodded as she kept moving around the sensor. Then he heard it. 

A rapid, wet sounding, _thump thump thump_ . . .

 

***

**Almost Two Months Earlier**

 

He sat alone in the Woolpack at the bar, a half empty pint in front him, and the only company a bag of half eaten crisps. He didn’t know why he was still here, and at the same time knew exactly why. Aaron was waiting to catch a glimpse of him. It didn’t have to be much, just a look at his blond hair, maybe if he was lucky a look into those green eyes. Honestly he wasn’t sure why he kept doing this to himself. Robert wasn’t meant for him, _nothing like him can be meant for me_ , he thought as he picked up his lager and took a drink. He hated doing it to himself, being that pathetic waiting puppy dog, practically drooling in anticipation that he might pop into the pub for a nighttime drink. 

God did he hate himself when he got like this. Missing him, wanting him, needing him like he needed air or water. Worst part was he knew Aaron needed him that way. Played on it as he would bend Aaron over and make him take it, whispering dirty things into Aaron’s ears that made him sick when he was alone, but made Aaron want it so much more when he was inside him. Thinking about it made him drain his beer in one go and hold up his pint glass towards his mum at the other end of the bar. She nodded once before turning back to Katie and laughing at something she said. He wondered briefly if they were talking about Robert. 

He set the glass back down on the bar, the sound too loud for him at the moment. He wanted quiet, silence, and hated that he only got that when he was with him. Robert took it all away, made him feel needed, and normal! Maybe that’s why he hated Robert so much, _or maybe it’s why I love him so much_. Aaron flinched at his own thought, hating that he even thought that way about his secret lover. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. A one off, he’d told Aaron. A month later and they were still going at it every chance they got. Just last week they’d spent the night at a hotel together, and yesterday they’d met at Wylie’s Farm for a quick fuck. 

Aaron hated those the most. When he’d spent the night with him at the hotel they’d taken it slow, and Aaron lost himself enough in Robert that he hadn’t thought about the fact that he was engaged and was just using him. When they fucked at the barn, it was quick and Aaron knew Robert just wanted to get off - using Aaron for his own pleasure and not giving a damn about how it made him feel, and Aaron tried to not give a fuck - at least he didn’t while it was happening. He didn’t care as Robert would pump into him, telling him what a good boy he was - ‘just for him’ he would say. Aaron would block out the part that made him feel dirty and instead connected to that part of himself that enjoyed being talked to like that. 

His Mum refilled his pint and set it back in front of him. “Where’s my thank you?” She asked scathiningly as Aaron picked it up and drank without giving his thanks. He set it back down, prepared to say thank you in a dulcet tone when he heard the pub door open. He eagerly looked over and finally he saw him. He blew out a long breath as if he’d been holding it since they last parted. He almost smiled until he saw her follow in behind him. _It isn’t her fault_ , he told himself as she walked beside him over to the bar, but he still couldn't help feeling bitter as her hand landed on the lower part of his back. 

Robert caught his eyes and smirked slightly before giving his and Chrissie’s order to Chas. That made Aaron’s blood boil. It was unfair that Robert could play the game with his fiancee standing right there, as she went about her business completely unaware that her fiance was eye fucking him right now. Aaron wanted to scream at her to make her realize just who she was engaged to, but he didn’t. Instead he licked his lips, gave a half smile and turned from him and thought about their earlier session together that day, and the way Robert had him almost crying from his tongue in arse. 

Aaron pretended like he wasn’t there as him and Chrissie took a seat at the bar. He tried to block out their conversation - hating the way it sounded so normal. Talking about everyday life and problems. He peeked up and found Robert’s eyes on him, and he knew Robert wasn’t the ‘everyday’ type of bloke. He needed excitement, needed to live on the edge, and he got that from his trysts with Aaron. 

Aaron drained his second pint and got up from his seat at the bar and headed for the toilets, looking over his shoulder at Robert before disappearing. He didn’t have to wait long before Robert joined him. He grabbed Aaron by the collar of his hoodie, shoved him against the wall, and kissed him harshly. Their lips worked together, both of them savoring the thought that someone could walk in at any moment and catch them. 

“Need you,” Robert whispered against his lips. Aaron let those words sink into his skin, settle in his bones knowing that he didn’t really need him, but letting himself believe it was true. This is why Aaron needed Robert. He didn’t make him feel like a freak, he made him feel normal. He didn’t care that Aaron was different, that there was something inside him that was consider among most as unnatural. 

“Can’t,” Aaron whispered and bit his lip seductively, knowing just how much it would drive Robert crazy. “She might wonder where you got to.” 

“Don’t care,” Robert said and ran his tongue across Aaron’s bottom lip, dragging a moan from the younger man. “Wanna fuck you right now.” 

“Please,” Aaron whined desperately as Robert’s tongue slipped into his mouth. He loved the way he lapped inside his mouth, tasted him, and moaned from it. He broke the delicious kiss, his trademark smirk in place, before straightening his tie and winking. 

“Maybe another time,” he said and left Aaron standing in the bathroom alone, his cock hard and feeling almost drunk from Robert’s kiss. He wanted to scream. Robert could do that to him, get him hard and leave him feeling lower than ever before and knowing that if he asked Aaron to crawl on his knees for him he would. Aaron felt foul, sick, but fuck he wanted his hands on him again, his tongue in his mouth, his cock buried deep inside him. He hated that Robert made him this way. Weak and needy for him, and at the same time making him fucking love him so much he could never be free. 

Aaron was able to clear his head enough to leave the bathroom, and heading into the back, and not bothering to look over at Robert who was laughing with Chrissie. Each laugh he heard sunk into his skull like someone was using a nail and hammer to cram it in there. He ran upstairs, throwing his jacket off and shoes. He laid down on his bed, undoing his trousers and pushing them down along with his boxers. He gripped himself, stroking as he thought about Robert until he came with a cry of his name over his hand and onto his stomach. 

When he got his breathing under control and his cock stopped twitching, did he finally cry. Hot tears of hatred and shame stained his cheeks. He let it out, not bothering to try to keep it in. He knew he could make it go away, make the tears stop and find solace in putting a sharp blade to his skin and letting it easily pierce his delicate skin. With shaking hands did he reach into his bedside table searching for the razor, and his fingers felt the coolness of the blade when his phone went off. He pulled back from the drawer and pulled his phone out of his trousers that were still around his thighs. 

R: Tomorrow. You know where. ;) 

Aaron didn’t text Robert back because he knew Robert didn’t need an answer. He knew Aaron would be there with fucking bells on. He set his phone down on the bedside table, the urge to hurt himself gone as quickly as it came, and Aaron didn’t want to admit to himself that it was because of Robert’s text. He’d be with him tomorrow. He felt light headed, and he tried to tell himself it was from the orgasm. 

_Tomorrow_ , he thought softly. He couldn’t believe that one word made a warmness settle in his chest, around his heart, only for ice to replace it when he thought about what Robert had told him a couple weeks ago. 

_“I love Chrissie. Once I exchange vows with her, there’s no way I’m cheating on her.”_

He was already slipping through his fingers. Aaron was going to lose him, and the pain of that hurt so goddamned bad he almost cried again. There was a way . . . something Aaron had only thought about once and hurt himself over for even thinking such a thing, but now - knowing he would soon be losing him - was enough to make him want to do it. 

He reached inside the bedside table again, his hand ignoring the razor and instead gripping a foil packet and a safety pin. He pulled out the condom and held flat in his hand, it feeling heavier than it should. He stared at it for a long time, before stopping his thinking process all together and opened the safety pin. With the fine sharp tip like a needle did he push it against the foil packet, letting it push through, and poking holes all through the condom. He set it on the bedside table and threw the pin back in the drawer. He stared at it for most of the night, almost until the sun had risen before falling asleep. When he’d woken his resolve was still the same. He showered, taking his time as he thought about Robert while hot water cascaded down his body and he touched himself again, and then got out, dried off, and got dressed. 

His phone buzzed with another text from Robert, giving him a time. One hour from now. He picked up the damaged condom, rolled it over in his hand once, twice, and a third time before shoving it into his pocket and leaving his bedroom. His mum had left him some toast, and wolfed it down with a bit of marmalade before leaving the pub and heading off to wait for Robert at the barn. 

He knew it was stupid, knew it was going to make a right proper fucking mess of things, but he couldn’t stop himself as he slipped the damaged condom into Robert’s hand; a small smirk playing around the edge of his lips as Robert unrolled it over his hard cock. He knew it worked once Robert had come deep inside him and he felt the come seep inside him, coating his insides and shooting deep into him. That was all it took. 

****

“There it is,” the doctor said as she rubbed the sensor over Aaron’s stomach. The _thump thump thump_ seeming to grow louder and drowning out her next words, but still Aaron heard them. 

“Congratulations Mr. Livesy, you’re pregnant.” 

Aaron cried.


	2. Today's a Whole New Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron receives information about his pregnancy - some welcomed and some very unwelcome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so SL is a bit different. I've changed the part where Katie was obsessed with Robert having an affair - so she never dies. Also from this point on I'm rewriting everything. You might notice some similarities between the original SL and this one, but not many.

They lay there, naked in the hay, and not touching. They never touched when it was over, unless Robert wanted another round before he ran off to play the dutiful fiance or fake step-father. Aaron wanted him to leave so he could cry, but at the same time he never wanted him to go. He could still feel Robert inside him. It felt like deceit and lies, and it was of his own making. He looked at the discarded condom Robert had thrown away after he’d pulled out of Aaron. It wasn’t as full as it should have been, and Robert hadn’t even noticed. 

“You’re quiet,” Robert said. He rolled over so he could stare at Aaron, who stared back; hoping the guilt didn’t show on his face. 

“Don’t have anything to say,” he tried to sound nonchalant, but it his words sounded apathetic more than anything. Robert assumed it was do to the laborious activities they’d just performed. 

“Already said everything, huh?” Aaron rolled his eyes at Robert’s euphemism for how loud he’d gotten. “Why are you being like this?” His answer was to shrug, because he honestly didn’t know why he was being the way he was. 

_Maybe it's because I possibly allowed myself to get pregnant by a man who's getting ready to marry a woman. Oh and can't forget the fact that he has no clue the condom he just used was defective because I'm a selfish bastard who's too scared to tell him how I really feel, so I resort to ruining his life._

Aaron kept his feelings in, not even bothering to look at Robert so as not to give him any clue as to why he was being an arse. He heard Robert let out an exaggerated huff before the sound of his belt jingling to signal he was going to leave. Aaron's head snapped up when he heard Robert let out a high pitched scream. 

“What? What happened?” Aaron looked around expecting to see someone watching them, but there was no one there. 

“There was a rat in my trousers!” 

Aaron laughed. He couldn’t help it. Big bad Robert Sugden afraid of a rat had to have been one of the funniest things Aaron had ever experienced “Oh yes please keep laughing at,” he said sarcastically. He shook his trousers which made Aaron laugh harder because he knew he was checking for more rats. 

“Ey Mate, I offered to bring an air rifle to rid of them and I believe you told me not to decorate. It’s just a rat, don’t be such a baby.” Robert smiled as Aaron mocked him. He walked over and crouched down, pushing his legs apart so he could nestle between them. 

“You should do that more,” he said. 

“More what?” Aaron asked. 

“Smile,” Robert touched the corner of his raised mouth. “I like it.” 

That’s all it took. Those words, the touch, the smile is all it took to make Aaron feel butterflies and blush. It was enough to make Aaron’s guilt disappear and confirm just how much he loved  
Robert, and the kiss he gave him made it all the more sweeter. Aaron’s hands went around Robert’s neck, pulling him closer so he could deepen the kiss, both of them smiling into it. 

“We don’t have another condom,” Aaron whispered - not even sure if condoms were necessary anymore. 

“Guess I’ll have to get creative with my mouth,” Robert smirked as he laid Aaron back and started a wet trail of kisses down his torso. 

****

 

“Mr. Livesy, are you listening?” Dr. Davis asked. She’d been speaking to him and as much as he tried to pay attention, he found himself getting lost in the past as he stared down at the black and white sonogram photo in his hand. It was the first photo of his baby - he hadn’t even been able to see it until the Doctor had pointed out the blueberry sized embryo inside of him. Seeing his baby through the monitor of the ultrasound, hearing its heartbeat . . . Aaron would never find anything more amazingly thrilling than that. Staring at the photo had brought up the memory of Robert, the way he felt after they’d conceived, and the way Robert made him feel loved - even if it was a short lived moment. “Mr. Livesy?” 

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said and set the sonogram photo down on her desk. “It’s just . . .” He searched for a word worthy of his feelings, but he couldn’t find one compatible enough. 

“A lot to take in?” Dr. Davis answered for him. Aaron blew out a long breath and nodded. “I understand. Before the disease happened I was lucky enough to have two children before my uterus was destroyed.” 

Aaron bit his lip and looked down. He always felt guilty when women talked about the disease that attacked the uterus. It wasn’t like he was the cause of the disease, no one had even figured out exactly what the cause was. All they knew is that it attacked the uterus. When the disease was first discovered it was slow building, killing the uterus off slowly, giving women a small time period to have children before theirs was damaged completely; sometimes it would take five years or more - his mum’s had. Females today couldn't carry children at all, even females born to OUC’s were born with damaged uteruses. It didn’t kill the fallopian tubes, the ovaries, or the eggs held in them; it only attacked the uterus. 

Scientists had been able to synthetically grow a healthy organic uterus in a lab in America. They first implanted them into woman but just like their natural uterus, the synthetic one died also. It proved that whatever the disease was, it only lived inside the female body. 

It looked like the human race had finally reached extinction when another scientist had suggested putting the uterus in male bodies. They’d run tests, simulations, and even had guinea pig trials with newborn males. When the synthetic uterus was proven to be able to survive in the males, the world's governments came together and made a decision on behalf of mankind. Every male born in the year of the discovery was to be implanted with the synthetic uterus. Aaron had been one of the lucky-unlucky males to be born that year - not many were. 

“While I know it’s a lot to handle right now, we still have a lot to discuss. I’m sure you learned in biology classes that while this baby is yours - it technically has none of your DNA; you're just a carrier. It doesn’t say in my files that you were artificially inseminated, so I can safely assume you and your partner made this baby the natural way.” 

“Uh yes,” Aaron shifted uncomfortably. The baby had been made through intercourse but it wasn’t mutual. “How did that work exactly? I know that it was possible to get pregnant through sex, but it’s still confusing to me.” 

“Since you don’t have ovaries, eggs were implanted inside your uterus and were lying dormant and they’ve been activated by your partner's semen through an organic tube that was implanted inside you that connects from the uterus to the anal cavity.”

“Why am I only pregnant with one baby then if there are multiple eggs?” Aaron cut in. His biology lessons had been a long time ago, and honestly he had never paid much attention. He hated being OUC and could’ve cared less about how much they had fucked around on his insides when he was an infant, now he was regretting that. 

“Over time the eggs slowly die. It’s actually rare that a male has any working eggs left in the uterus and has to be implanted with new ones when they’re ready to conceive, but,” she waved her hand to indicate him, “there’s always exceptions to that rule.” 

“Is it going to be a normal pregnancy? I mean I have the morning sickness, and I noticed a very minor weight gain, but it has to be different.” 

“Morning sickness is a good sign, it means the placenta is forming very well and minor weight gain by the seventh week is natural.” She spun her chair around to grab different pamphlets out of plastic containers. “These will help you understand your pregnancy better. It won’t be like a woman's - seeing as you're not one. Your body wasn’t meant to bear children, and you have no  
birth canal. You will carry to full term - nine months - but when you go into active labor your body won’t be able to go through the natural process of child delivery. You’ll have to have a cesarean.” 

“A what?” Aaron asked. 

“A cesarean - a C-section. They’ll make an incision in your abdomen and one in your uterus to remove the baby. The most important thing you need to know is that if you do not get yourself to a hospital in the first two hours of your contractions - or you will lose your baby.”

“Wait what?” Aaron didn’t remember any of this from health classes or biology. No one had ever told his baby could die so easily. 

“As I said your body isn’t equipped for the natural birthing process, you’re baby will be stuck inside your uterus until it’s removed and if it’s not in that limited time period the baby will suffocate inside the womb.” 

“Christ,” Aaron muttered, his hand instinctively resting on his abdomen. “Have OUC’s lost their babies before?’ 

“I’m afraid there have been some case, yes, but it’s very uncommon. If you take the right precautions then you shouldn’t fear losing the baby. Speaking of precautions there’s other things you need take into consideration. First off, you need take care of you body. Exercise, eat right - limit red meats, no processed meat or cheeses, no uncooked seafood, and no fish with mercury. Eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. You need to limit your caffeine intake, or better yet don’t have any caffeine during your first trimester. No alcohol, no drugs, and no smoking.” 

“No alcohol?” Aaron was horrified. “None at all?” 

“None, Mr. Livesy. Unless you want you child to have fetal alcohol syndrome.” She spun around in her chair again to grab another pamphlet and set that one down in front of him also. It was on the dangers alcohol can have on a fetus.

“Alright, no alcohol. What other changes are going to happen - to my body I mean?” Aaron wasn’t sure what to expect except for the fact that he was going to get very fat. 

“Weight gain, obviously. You’re feet and hands are going to swell, your veins will become more prominent. With extra weight you’ll be putting on, you’ll probably start to feel aches in your back and other parts. You’ll be tired often, hungry constantly, and you’ll urinate often as well when the baby starts to press against your bladder. You’ll also start to feel tenderness in your pecs. While your body can’t produce breast milk like a womans can you’ll still feel a tenderness from the estrogen levels rising in you body.” 

“I’m sorry?” Aaron said as pressed against his chest, and flinched slightly from how tender the spot was. “Isn’t estrogen bad for a man's body?”

“All men have low doses of estrogen in them, same for women and testosterone. Right now your estrogen levels are rising to accommodate the pregnancy,” she once again turned and grabbed more pamphlets to hand to Aaron. “With the rising estrogen in your body, your progesterone and testosterone levels are dropping. The male body needs all three hormones to function properly. We’ll have to administer injections of both progesterone and testosterone to accommodate the levels of estrogen in your body.”

“Will it hurt the baby?” 

“No, but it will affect _your_ body.” 

“How so?” Aaron only asked because he was scared of what it would do to his penis. 

“Hair growth on the body, and you’ll find a dramatic increase in your libido.” Aaron stared at her. He wasn’t sure what to say to that. He was already a horny twenty-two year old male, and now he was telling him he was going to be a pregnant horny twenty-two year old male times ten. 

“Do I really need these injections?” 

“Yes, unless you want the chances of getting prostate cancer, hair loss, depression, muscle loss, oh yes and erectile dysfunction.” She gave him a smile that annoyed Aaron - it reminded him of his mum’s when she was having a go at him. 

“Alright, alright.” Aaron snapped. “When do we start them?” 

“I want to administer the injections before you leave today. Also you need to start taking prenatal vitamins - you can purchase them over the counter at your local chemist, and don’t take any other over the counter drugs without consulting me first. Do you have any questions before we do your blood work and start the injections?” 

Aaron had only one. It was question he’d been thinking about since he’d allowed himself to get pregnant by Robert. He hated to ask it, but if he was being honest with himself he was sure that in the near future he was going to have to inquire about it. “Do you do paternity tests here?” 

 

****

 

When Aaron got back to the village he felt different. It wasn’t just the knowledge that he was with child, but the fact that his whole being felt different. Maybe it’s the injections they gave me, he thought and looked at the band around the crook of his elbow. That wasn’t it. He felt . . . connected. Like his life finally had purpose, instead of his usual feeling of worthlessness. This baby inside of him was his life now, his world, his everything. 

As soon as he walked into the pub, his mum was shouting at him. “Did you find out?” He shushed as her loud voice attracted looks from the other patrons. 

“In the back,” he hissed. He walked around the bar and followed her retreating figure through the door that led into the back of the pub. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the sonogram photo. 

“So?” She said and was practically shaking from the anticipation. “Am I gonna be a grandmother?” 

“Here,” he handed her the sonogram photo. She gasped and ran her fingertips the black and white photo of his unborn baby. 

“Oh my God,” she started to cry. “You’re gonna have a baby.” Chas threw her arms around her son, pulling him close, and locking him into a tight hug. “I’m so happy for you.” 

Aaron tried to keep back his tears, but it was futile with his mum crying all over him. He let the tears fall as he hugged her back, his hand fitting between them so he could rest it there. “You’re gonna make a great dad,” she whispered and rocked him back and forth. He hoped he would, but more than anything he hoped Robert would too. 

She finally let him go and they both wiped away their tears. “Happy tears?” She asked him. 

“Very happy tears,” he laughed and took the photo back from here. “Seven weeks,” he said and touched the spot where the baby was. “Dr. Davis said it’s the size of a blueberry. She also said that everything looked great. You should have heard the heartbeat Mum, it was . . .” 

“I know,” she smiled hugely at him. “I still remember what it was like the first time I heard your heart beating. Amazing, it was.” 

“It was almost unreal,” Aaron whispered, “but it was there and I knew it was real and apart of me.” 

“What else did they tell you?”

“A bunch of stuff. I’ve got about a thousand pamphlets you can look at. My next appointment is next week, you can come if you want.” 

“Really?” She beamed as he nodded. 

“Yeah you can hold my hand while they give me the injections,” and then he had to explain about the progesterone and testosterone injections he had to receive. Aaron filled her i on the details the Doctor had given him, skipping the part about the paternity tests. 

“Now that you know you’re pregnant, are you gonna tell me who the father is?” Chas asked once Aaron was finished explaining. He was surprised she had lasted this long. Ever since he’d told her that he thought he might be pregnant she’d been hassling him to tell her who the father was. 

“No,” she started to object but stopped when Aaron held up a hand to make her shut up. “I haven’t told him I pregnant yet. I promise that once I do, I’ll let you know next. Okay?” 

“Fine,” she sighed. “Are you hungry or tired, I could make you a cup of tea if you like?” 

“Mum I’m fine,” he promised. “I need to go to the chemist and pick up some prenatal vitamins.” 

“I can do that for you,” she said. “You stay here and relax. I don’t want you under any stress until that baby is born, you understand me?” 

“Mum you can’t stop me from having stress,” her glare was enough for him to change his tune real fast. “Or maybe it would be best if I stayed here and relaxed some.” 

“Yeah you do that,” she pointed at the sofa. “Rest,” she ordered before leaving. Aaron chuckled before sitting down on the sofa. He lifted his shirt to expose his scarred stomach and rested his hands against the naked skin. 

“I’m going to take real good care you,” he whispered. “I hope he will too.” 

“Why are you talking to your stomach like that?” Aaron about peed himself at the voice behind him. He jumped and turned to see Robert standing in the doorway, looking at him like he was insane. 

“Uh,” Aaron tried to come up with an explanation, but he couldn’t think around the feel of his racing heart. 

“You know what, I don’t really want to know.” Aaron almost thanked him out loud for being a self centered arsehole. “Saw your Mum leave and I thought we could spend a little time together.” He pointed up, indicating he wanted to go upstairs and have sex. Aaron didn’t feel like it. _Guess the injections haven’t kicked in yet._

“Robert we need to talk,” he realized he was still holding his naked stomach and dropped his hands and pulled his shirt down. 

“No we really don’t,” he walked around the sofa and leant down close to Aaron’s face. “I’m getting married in a week, Aaron. I want to enjoy the time I’ve got left to spend with you.” 

“You mean the time you’ve got left to fuck me,” Aaron hissed, his anger getting the best of him. “You have some nerve coming in here and expecting me to hope on you dick like it’s the cure for cancer or sommat. We need to talk.” 

“No we don’t,” Robert pulled back from Aaron, his face twisting into an unflattering scowl. “I think we're done here.” 

“What?”

“Me and you, it’s over.” 

“You just wanted to have sex with me, and now that I won’t put out you don’t want to have anything to do with me? God you’re pathetic.” 

“Pathetic?” Robert scoffed. “That’s rich coming from a hopeless OUC who keeps crawling back for a little touch with an engaged man because he prefers to hate himself than try a meaningful relationship.” Aaron jumped up, his hands clenching into fists on their own, and getting close to Robert - his entire body practically itching to hit him. “You’re jealous.”

“Jealous of what?” Aaron already knew the answer, but he would never give Robert the satisfaction of knowing he was right. 

“Jealous that I have Chrissie and you have nothing.” 

“You know you’re right,” Aaron unclenched his fists, they now itched to press over his stomach. “We are done here. Get out.” 

He didn’t bother to watch Robert walk out. He kept his back turned, his hands resting on his stomach, and he couldn’t even find it in himself to cry. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered to the baby inside him. “Sorry I chose such a twat to be your father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions at all, just ask because it is a little confusing.


	3. Your World Is Torn In Half

_He is getting married tomorrow. So why am I doing this?_

Aaron's barefoot feet padded down the hallway to the room Robert was staying in. Diane had let him stay here so he wasn't with Chrissie the night before the wedding. He stopped outside, his hand just shy of the door handle. Aaron leant in to press his ear against the cold hardwood, listening for any sound or movement. There was nothing. His hand clasped around the cold metal of the handle, and slowly turned it so as not to make any noise. 

The room was dark, only a little light from the moon streaming in through the one window. The beam of light ran across the bed and fell softly on Robert’s sleeping face. He looked peaceful, almost dead in a way. Aaron stood at the foot of the bed watching him, his hands resting on his abdomen as if he could touch the baby inside. Aaron knew why he’d come in here, he didn’t want to admit it after the horrible things Robert had said to him, but even through those disgusting words that had cut him deeper than any razor ever could - he still loved him. That’s why he was here. 

He tiptoed around to the side of the bed Robert wasn’t sleeping on, he pulled back the covers, and climbed under them - jostling the bed enough so that it woke Robert up. “What?” He said sleepily; his eyes barely opening. 

“Shh,” Aaron scooted close enough that their noses were almost touching. “It’s only me,” he laid a hand on Robert’s waist, letting the warmth of his skin sink into his body from the touch. 

“Aaron, what are you doing?” The words were hardly audible from his barely woken state. Aaron didn’t have an answer for that. So he leant innand kissed him. It took Robert a second before he started to kiss back. 

Robert’s hand found the back of his head, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Aaron moaned when Robert pried his lips apart and slipped his tongue in his mouth, tasting and lapping at the warm wetness of his mouth. Aaron’s hands slipped around one of his thick thighs and pulled him closer. 

“I'm getting married tomorrow,” he whispered against Aaron's lips.” _I fucking know. It's going to destroy me._ “This can be our goodbye,” he ran a hand underneath Aaron's shirt. Aaron grabbed his hand and held it against his abdomen. _Can you feel it? Can you feel our baby in there?_ “Unless you don't want to . . .” 

“Not here “ Aaron said and shoved his hand away. “Not in this bed. Not in this house, and not with our families on the other side of the walls.” He kissed him hard, his hands tangling into Robert's soft golden locks. “But I want to say goodbye.”

“Now's the only chance we have.” _Only 'cause you're hard_. “We can be quiet.” _You never are when you're inside me._

“Tomorrow. Meet me at Wylies. We can say goodbye then.” He gave him a time, it was two hours before the wedding which would give them more than enough time. 

“I'm getting married tomorrow.” _Don't fucking remind me._

“I know. Just be there.” He kissed him again, letting it linger because he didn't know when he would kiss him again. He pushed away and crawled out of the bed and walked back to the door. 

“Goodnight,” Robert said. Aaron didn't say anything. He opened the door as quietly as he could and went back to his room. 

 

Aaron was at the farm first. He sat on the dusty floor inside Wylies and tried not think about how nauseous he was. He'd spent the better part of the morning being sick, after his mum kept pushing him to eat more. “You're eating for two now, love.” She kept saying over and over she’d shovel more eggs onto his plate. After he'd ate his third helping he pushed her out of the way and vomited into the sink. It didn't help that Robert had walked in at the same time he was blowing chunks. 

“You alright, mate?” He said it so casually as if they hadn’t been in bed together last night, kissing and fondling each other. 

“M’fine,” he grumbled and pushed past so he could go upstairs to brush his teeth. Robert grabbed him by the arm to stop him. 

“If you're not up for meeting later, I'll understand,” he whispered it low enough so Chas wouldn't hear. 

“I'll be there,” he snapped and jerked his arm free. He ran up the stairs as another wave of nausea rolled through him. He made it just into time to throw up in the toilet. 

He took a sip from a bottle of water he'd brought with him, when Robert walked in. He was in his wedding suit already. Deep blue trousers and jacket, crisp white shirt, and light blue silk tie. Aaron looked him up and down and honest to God he couldn’t think of any other word but _beautiful_. 

“How do I look?” Robert asked and spun in a circle, pausing long enough for Aaron to get a look at how the trousers framed his arse. 

“Very fit,” Aaron mumbled and sipped from his water bottle. 

“Tell me how you really feel?” Robert grumbled. “Are you feeling better?” The concern in his voice made Aaron ache. _How can you care so much_? 

“Been better,” Aaron put the lid on the bottle and tossed it to the side. He walked over to Robert, who automatically wrapped his arms around Aaron and leant in for a kiss. Aaron turned his head and pushed Robert away. 

“What are you doing? I thought this is what you wanted?” Aaron glared up at him. 

“What I want? God I could write a book on the things I want, Robert.” 

“Well you can do that after,” and he reached for him again. 

“Don't get married!” Robert froze and let his arms drop. 

“What?” 

“Please don't marry her,” his words were desperate, pleading. He hated begging, Aaron was never good at it, but if it meant he could stop Robert from making a huge mistake then he would. 

“Aaron . . . I'm getting married. You know this. You've always known. Why are you doing this?” 

“Because . . . Because I love you, and I won't let you ruin your life.” 

Robert was silent for too long. Aaron waited, not wanting to push him. Deep down he knew Robert loved him too, even if he wouldn't admit it. The silence dragged on. 

“Please say something?” Aaron pleaded, not being able to take the silence any longer. 

“I love Chrissie. I'm marrying her today, and we're going to be very happy. You . . . You'll move on and find someone else.”

“What if I don't want anyone else?” Aaron sounded pathetic, even to himself. “Robert, I love you . . . and I think you feel the same.” 

“I don't,” his answer was so automatic that it was enough for Aaron to doubt it. It was already prepared, he was so ready to deny his own feelings. “I love Chrissie.” He said again. “We're getting married today, she's going to be my wife and I'm going to be her husband. We'll have a beautiful life together in a normal relationship - as it should be.” 

“Normal?” Aaron scoffed, not wanting it to show just how badly his words stung. “Yet you keep coming to me for sex, a man.” 

“It's just sex, Aaron. There's no feelings here, at least not on my part. That's all it ever was for me, and that's all it will ever be.” Robert shook his head as if disgusted by the younger man in front of him, and started to walk away. 

“Where are you going?” Aaron whispered only loud enough for Robert to catch the words. 

“To get married,” Robert snapped. He hesitated for a second, wanting to say more but thought better of it and kept walking towards the exit. 

Aaron hated to do this, it was desperate but Robert was giving him no choice. He had to do something, anything, and even though it was going to feel like he was trapping him he saw no other way to stop Robert from making a huge mistake in marrying Chrissie when Aaron knew that Robert would never be happy - be himself with her. “I’m pregnant!”


	4. Everything Seems So Bleak

It was completely silent, had been for twenty minutes. Robert had somehow made his way to sit down on the same bale of hay Aaron had been occupying when Robert had shown up to the barn. Aaron watched him closely, the silence was maddening, and he was on the verge of screaming so the silence would disappear. It's not like he expected Robert to jump for joy at the news of his pregnancy, but he expected more than silence and wide eyes of shock to be Robert's only reaction to the news. 

It was like he wasn't even there, gone somehow, lost in his own mind and Aaron right now wished he was a mind reader. “Please say something,” Aaron finally begged, moving swiftly so he was standing in front of Robert. He crouched down so he was resting on his knees, and he had the urge to rest his hand on Robert's knees, but thought better of it. He was upset enough and Aaron was afraid his touch would set Robert off. 

“Robert? I know this a lot to take in but it's real and happening. You're gonna be a father.” It was like Robert was zapped back into his body, his eye met Aaron, making the younger man flinch at the anger in them. 

“A father?” Robert spat, like that word was disgusting. “I don't want to be a father, Aaron! You - we were careful! Every time! How do I even know that baby is mine and you haven't been spreading your legs for every bloke that turns an eye to you.” 

Aaron had expected it, it's why he'd asked Dr. Davis about paternity tests incase Robert demanded one. His words still cut Aaron deep. It was sort of a knee jerk reaction to Robert's words, but Aaron couldn't stop his hand from delivering a slap that echoed throughout the barn across Robert's face. Aaron had never slapped a man before, him finding it to be tasteless and over dramatic like women in movies who slap their lovers out of anger. Still he did it, hard enough that it left a handprint on Robert's face, and Aaron's hand stung and tingled. 

“How could you even say that,” Aaron hissed as Robert reached to cup the cheek Aaron had slapped. “After what I just told you. I haven't been with anyone except you since we started sleeping together. I love you and this is your baby.” Aaron reached down to caress his stomach, as if he could feel the baby through that touch. “Accept it. You're going to be a father, Robert.” 

“I don't want to be a father!” He shouted and stood up to move away from Aaron. “I don't want any of this. All I want is to get married to Chrissie, and be in a normal relationship. Not tied down with the likes of you and some freak kid.” 

“What did you just say?” Aaron whispered, his tone so low Robert almost didn't catch the words. “You said when we started this that you were fine with who and what I am! You knew the risks, knew that I could end up pregnant. You told me I was normal!” 

“I would've said anything to get you into bed!” Robert shouted. Aaron's bottom lip trembled and he looked away. Tears pooled in his eyes and he blinked rapidly to try and fight them off. “You're not normal, nor is that thing inside you.” The tears began to fall and his hand spasmed against his stomach. It was odd but it already felt like a reflex, as if touching where his baby lie inside him gave him comfort. 

“This is your baby,” Aaron whispered. “It's normal, it's just a baby, Robert. Yours. Take some responsibility.” 

“Fine. I will,” Robert said. Aaron looked over at him, unable to keep the hope out of his eyes as he wiped away the tears. “I'll pay for you to have an abortion.” 

Aaron gasped, both hands grabbing at his stomach as if he needed to protect his unborn child from Robert. “How dare you even suggest . . . Even if abortion was still legal there is no way I'd abort this baby.” 

“No it's perfect, Aaron,” Robert said, his tone becoming more animated as his he laid out his idea for Aaron. “We get rid of it, you don't want to be saddled down with a child for the rest of your life and I definitely don’t. I'm sure, for the right price, we can find a doctor to do it on the down low. No one ever has to know you were pregnant and this just goes away.” 

“I don't want it to go away,” Aaron shouted and stood up, getting close up in Robert's face. “I. Want. This. Baby. And I want you to take responsibility and be this baby's father!” 

“Aaron, do you really think _you_ can raise a child? You can barely take care of yourself!” 

“Fuck you. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of this baby. Albeit I don't want to do it alone, but there is nothing that will make me get rid of this baby. Besides, it's too late to make it just _disappear_. My mum knows I'm pregnant.” Robert groaned and covered gripped his head, messing up his perfect hair as he runs his hands through it, pulling slightly at the roots in agitation. 

“You told her?” 

“She guessed. I was having morning sickness and acting weird. I found out a week ago. No,” he said quickly as he noticed the terror on Robert's face, “she doesn't know you're the father.”

“Neither do I for that matter,” he spat. “We were careful, Aaron. Always used a condom. How did this happen?” 

“I don't know,” Aaron lied, praying he didn't look guilty. “It just did. Robert, this baby was meant to be. When he's born-” 

“He,” Robert gasped. “It's - it's a boy?” 

Aaron blushed and rubbed at his stomach. “I don't know,” he said honestly. “I won't know for a few more months, but when I picture the baby, it's always a boy.” 

“Aaron, I can't do this with you. I don't want that baby and I don't want you. I wanna marry Chrissie and have a life with her, a family with her. She might not be able to have children anymore, but we can always adopt when the time comes for us to want children. My life is with her. Not you.” 

“What if I tell her, everyone. You think she'll want to marry you then?” 

“You wouldn't,” he said in a very sure voice. “You're not that vindictive.” 

“Maybe,” Aaron shrugged, “then again maybe not, but I'm willing to find out.” Aaron pushed past Robert to leave, but Robert grabbed him by the wrist, jerking him hard enough backwards that it hurt. He wrapped his arms around Aaron's biceps, blunt nails digging in through Aaron's hoodie. 

“You think I won't stop you?” He kept a hold on Aaron's arms and started walking him backwards. Aaron began to struggle, trying to break Robert's hold. Aaron stumbled over something, Robert jerked him up into a right position and kept walking him backwards. 

“What are you doing?” Aaron yelled in panic. “Get off me! Get off!” 

“I won't let you ruin my life,” he threw Aaron away from him into another room. Aaron lost his footing and fell onto his backside. Aaron scrambled to get up, planning to fight his way past Robert if necessary when a door shut, and a click sounded of a lock being turned. 

“ROBERT!” Aaron screamed and pounded his fist against the door. “ROBERT OPEN THIS DOOR! ROBERT!” 

“I'll let you after the wedding! You're not ruining my life, Aaron. You'll be fine in there for a few hours.” 

“ROBERT! LET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! LET ME OUT NOW!” He pounded against the door over and over, tried everything he could to open it, but there was no use, he was stuck. “ROBERT, PLEASE LET ME OUT!” Aaron begged, fear beginning to set in.   
There was no answer and in the silence Aaron could hear the distant sound of a car starting. “ROBERT! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE! ROBERT!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it kind of ended sort of abrupt :/
> 
> Also they outlawed abortion. When the virus started to spread and the population began to decline.


	5. Exhale Deep and Breathe a Sigh of Relief

Victoria was waiting in the back room of the pub when Robert showed up. He had ten minutes to get himself together - not an easy feat when the words _Aaron's pregnant_ or _I'm going to be father_ keep running through his head, even though he's not sure he is the father, but it was hard to ignore the vehement assurance in Aaron's voice when he assured Robert that he's the father. It makes no sense though. They were careful, every fucking time, and Robert would have noticed if a condom had broken. 

It was worse when he thought about Aaron, locked up at Wylie's Farm, alone and probably scared, more likely furious with Robert, but he saw no other alternative. He wasn't letting anything stop him from marrying Chrissie. Not Aaron and not some bastard child that might not even be his. He loved Chrissie and that was it. 

_Because I love you_. Robert shook his head, the deep tone of Aaron's voice in his head sounding almost as if Aaron were there whispering in Robert's ear. He gritted his teeth, forcing it away, burying it deep, telling himself with certainty that it meant nothing. Aaron meant nothing.  


“Where have you been?” Vic stormed over to him, eyes lit with anger. She stopped right in front of him, her short body using a stance as if she could tower over Robert and make him cower. “You should already be at the church. Chrissie sent me over here to check on you, and I've been waiting for over an hour. You mind explaining where you've been, and dear God what happened to your face?” 

Robert reached up to cup the cheek Aaron had slapped, flinching slightly as his hand pressed against the tender skin. He'd checked it out in the mirror in the visor of his car, and it was a perfect crimson shape of Aaron's handprint. He didn't have an explanation. Robert's running out of lies, to Vic, to Chrissie, and maybe even to himself. “Robert?” 

He didn't have time for this. The only thing that mattered was getting to the church, marrying Chrissie, and locking himself into the life he'd built for himself with a few simple vows and an exchange of rings. 

“Vic,” Robert said in a calm tone, his eyes not matching the composed words. He gripped her shoulders, maybe with a bit too much force, but he needed his point to be made. “If you love me, you won't ask questions and you won't demand anything from me. What you'll do is shut up, take me upstairs to cover this up, and get me to the stupid church so I can get married. Understand?” He gave Vic small shake, keeping eye contact with her. Her eyes widened slightly at the intense, slightly crazed, look in Robert's. 

“Rob . . .” 

“Either help or get out!” 

“O-Okay,” she stuttered, shaking her shoulders hoping he'd either loosen his grip or let her go altogether. “I'll help you.” 

Robert sighed, relief pulsing through his veins and he let Victoria go. “Thank you!” 

“Come upstairs with me,” she said and started to walk out of the room with Robert following after her. “I think I have something to cover that up.” 

****

“You ready to get married?” Vic asked as they stood outside the church, guests already inside and seated. 

Vic hadn't asked questions about where Robert had been or who had hit him, but the entire time while they were upstairs in the bathroom, as she applied concealer to his face - “I'm not sure this'll match your skin tone perfectly, but it covers the red welt and it'll be hardly noticeable” - Robert could tell the curiosity was overwhelming her.

“Yes,” Robert said just as a white car pulled up with Chrissie and Lawrence in the backseat, a second car behind that with Lachlan and Alicia dressed in a bridesmaid gown. He wasn't sure why, but honestly didn't care. 

“Come on,” Vic said and tugged on the sleeve of his suit jacket. “Let's go in. You can't see her before the wedding, it's bad luck.” 

_Had enough bad luck to last me a lifetime, little sister. Seeing my fiancée in a wedding gown isn't even the worse thing that's happened today._ He ignored Vic, ripping his arm from her grasp and turned to smile at Chrissie as she got out of the car, her beauty making his breath stutter. 

“You're not supposed to see me,” she joked. “Dad's back there having a conniption, thinking you seeing me will bring us bad luck.” 

“You look stunning,” Robert said as he looked her up and down, drinking it all in. A twinge of guilt bit at his heart. Images of Aaron in bed with him, naked and writhing as Robert does unspeakable things to him flash in his mind. Then another made up image of Aaron, belly rounded out, rosy cheeks shining with a pregnant glow as he rubs his hands over his baby bump. 

“Are you alright?” Chrissie asked and took a step towards him. “You look a bit green?” 

“I'm fine,” he lied and put on his best winning smile he'd perfected years ago. “It's just - you look absolutely beautiful.” 

“You don't look half bad yourself. Are you ready?” She asked in a quiet tone, as if afraid he might deny her and runaway. 

“I've never been more ready,” he promised. She beamed at him and started to head for the church with Robert following in step beside her. 

“Here I was afraid you'd not show up,” she said with a teasing tone, but underneath held true fear that Robert might've not showed up. It made a surge of anger snap through his bones, wanting to lash out at her, once again Chrissie doubting him, expecting the worst from him. _You have no clue,_ he thought bitterly.

“Doubting me were you?” He playfully teased. “There was no chance I wasn't showing up for this wedding. I love you and there is _nothing_ that can stop me from marrying you.” 

****

Aaron banged his hands over and over on the door, tried shoving with his shoulder until it ached from the force he was using against the hardwood. It was no use, the door wouldn't budge. He walked over to a window, making sure to avoid the rotten floorboards and wiped away the grime with his sleeve too look out at the farm. There was no one about to come and rescue him. At that moment he could've killed Robert for this. 

He then remembered his phone, pulling it out of his pocket quickly praying he'd have signal out here. It was faint but enough to get a call through. There was no point in calling Robert, he wouldn't come and release him until after securing his place in the White family. 

He could call his mum, not sure how he'd begin to explain his predicament to her and honestly he wasn't ready for that conversation yet. His only hope was Adam. The phone rang three times before his best friend's booming voice came onto the line.

“Hey mate! Aren't you supposed to be at a wedding? It's why you skived off work isn't it?” Aaron was silent for a minute, too long because Adam had to ask if he was even there. 

“I'm here,” he whispered, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. What he wouldn't give for Adam to be this baby's father. “I need help.” 

“Mate, what's wrong?” His heart strings that will always be attached Adam tugged a bit at the worry in Adam's voice for him. 

“I'm trapped up at Wylie's Farm and I need you to come get me out.” 

“What?” Adam laughed slightly. “How did you get yourself stuck up there?” 

“Please, Adam.” Aaron begged, leaning his head against the dirty window. “Just come get me.” _Rescue me, save me like you always do. Like I wish he would._

“Alright, don't worry. I'm on my way now.” Aaron hung up, planning to thank him when he was finally set free. There was nothing to do but wait and cry as the weight of everything settled down upon him. 

Pregnant, alone, locked up like he's worthless, all the while why the man he loves is off getting married. He let the tears flow freely, snot drip, as he rubbed his stomach trying so hard to take comfort in his unborn child. 

****

Adam shouted out for Aaron, and heard Aaron's distance voice from upstairs. Adam had rushed, speeding to get to him after having heard the sadness in Aaron's voice that didn't just come from being locked up. He knew Aaron well enough to know that he'd have been angry about getting stuck at Wylie's, not sad about it. 

“Aaron?’ Adam shouted once upstairs. 

“In here!” Aaron shouted and started pounding on a door. Adam rushed over, unlocking the door and setting Aaron free. 

The relief that washed over Aaron at the sight of Adam made his head go a little light, and threw his arms around Adam in gratitude. “How did you get stuck?” Adam asked as he hugged Aaron back. 

“Must have locked when the door shut behind me. It was an accident,” Adam quirked an eyebrow at the lame excuse but didn't push it. 

“What you're doing up here in the first place?” Adam asked as Aaron walked away and began to descend the stairs, desperate for fresh air. 

“Just walking around, trying to clear my head and wandered this way. It was stupid,” Aaron lied and stepped out into the sunshine and fresh air, taking deep breaths of it all. 

“What?” Adam asked from behind Aaron, still confused. 

Aaron turned to look at his best friend, knowing it was inevitable and he'd find out soon enough. Adam knows Aaron is an OUC and one of things that made Aaron love Adam is that he didn't judge Aaron, accepted him for what he is. The same way he had thought Robert did, only Adam hadn't lied about it. 

“I have to tell you something,” Aaron said and walked over to Adam’s truck, leaning against the front of it. 

“What?” Adam asked seriously, moving so he was leaning up against the truck also, next to Aaron. 

“Don't go all weird on me or anything, but, well, I'm sort of pregnant.” Adam stared at him, eye wide in shock and it felt like a lifetime as Aaron waited with bated breath for his best friend to react to Aaron's news.

“Holy shit!” Aaron rolled his eyes and chuckled at Adam's oh so eloquent response. “Pregnant? Like with a baby pregnant?” 

“No the other kind of pregnant,” Aaron snarled sarcastically. “Yes the kind with a baby you pillock!” 

“Wow . . . Wow,” Adam said twice in a row, at a loss for any other words. 

“Wow indeed,” Aaron said a lightly laid a hand in his stomach. 

“Okay. Well are we happy or sad or angry . . . I'm gonna need some help here, Aaron?”

“Happy and terrified, but definitely happy.” Aaron said and grinned widely at Adam who gave his boyish smile in return. 

“Holy shit!” Adam said again. “Wait, who's the father?” 

Aaron was silent for a moment, Robert's name on the tip of his tongue but he clamped his mouth shut before it could spill over. He didn't want tell Adam that Robert's the father, not yet, not until Robert can accept it himself. So when in doubt about telling your best friend who the father is of your unborn child, best just to lie. 

“A one off,” Aaron lied, keeping his eyes away from Adam who could always read Aaron like a book. “I told him - yesterday - but, uh, he wants nothing to do with me or this baby.” 

“Well tough shit for him, mate. There is no way I'm letting some bloke leave you high and dry to raise this baby by yourself.” Aaron couldn't help but smile fondly, almost lovingly, at Adam: Knight in Shining Armor. “Tell you what; we'll get my family and yours to go pay this loser a visit and make him take responsibility.” 

“As nice as that sounds,” Aaron said, almost feeling a sick kind if joy of the thought of his family showing up on a newly married Robert Sugden's door step to ruin his oh so new happy marriage, he couldn't allow it to happen. _Gotta give it time,_ Aaron thought, _he'll come 'round in no time_. “I can't let you do that for me, Adam. He wants nothing to do with me or his child, fine. I don't need him. I can do this on my own.” 

“Well you won't be,” Adam promised and threw his arm around Aaron. “You've got me, and your mum, and a whole other load of people who'll be willing to help you. You're not alone in this.” 

“Thanks,” Aaron whispered gratefully. 

“Anyone else know?” 

“My mum,” Aaron said. “She's right chuffed. Gonna be a grandmother and what not.” 

“Chas as a grandmother, weird,” Adam laughed. “Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?” Aaron blushed, thinking about earlier when he'd called the baby a boy. 

“Not yet, too soon. I'm only at eight weeks, but they said everything looked really good. I heard the heartbeat.” 

“Wow. You're really happy about this aren't you?” Adam asked, not being able to hide his surprise at the affection Aaron's voice held. 

“Yeah I am,” Aaron said and looked off into the distance, stroking his stomach absentmindedly. “But as I said, also terrified.” 

“I can't wait to see the look on Vic's face when I tell her,” Adam laughed. “You pregnant. I'll bet she'll cry.”

“Could you not tell her,” Aaron said, “at least not yet. I'm still getting used to it, and I'm not ready to go shouting to the whole village that I'm up the duff.” 

“Yeah, no worries, mate. Do you want me to take you home?” Aaron sighed. He was tired, could do with a nap and a bit if food, but honestly there was somewhere else he needed to be.

“Actually you mind taking me to the church. I do believe there's a wedding in progress and they're one guest short.”


	6. Today is Like the Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what to say it's been so long. I think I'll just say enjoy and now runaway. I hope people are still interested.

“Sorry, mate,” Adam began as he stopped the truck right outside of what was clearly an empty church. “Looks like the wedding is over. Should I run you up to Home Farm, I’m sure the reception do is still happening?” 

Aaron didn't know if he felt relieved or disappointed the wedding was over. Robert had clearly gone through with it. He’d been so adamant about marrying Chrissie, but a part of Aaron, just a small part, had hoped Robert would realise that Aaron being pregnant wasn’t the end of the world like he was making it out to be and would come clean to Chrissie. The idea of showing up in the middle of the service, hearing Robert say I Do without so much as a thought towards Aaron and their unborn child made his stomach curl in disgust and it wasn’t a cause of morning sickness. 

“Aaron?” Adam said with a hint of worry. 

“The pub is fine, not in the mood to party or celebrate. I should nap or summat, maybe eat.” 

“That’s a good idea.” Adam turned the truck around and drove towards the pub. “You’re gonna be a good dad.” 

“You think?” Aaron asked, because honestly he had no clue what he was going to be. The thought shot a strike of fear up his spine, and a hand reaching for his stomach hoping his child couldn’t sense his nerves. Just what he’d need, turning his child into a neurotic mess before he’s even born. 

“Of course,” Adam said with conviction, enough so to take away Aaron’s worries for a moment. 

*****

Aaron’s phone rang around one am. He should have been sleeping but too many thoughts were dancing in his mind to allow for sleep. Robert is married. Legally, binding married and Aaron isn’t whom Robert is married to, but he is carrying the man's child. Could the situation be any more messed up? Aaron supposes he brought it on himself, being stupid enough to poke holes in a condom to trap a man. Jesus, he’s one of those teenage girls in movies where they trap their boyfriends from leaving for uni or reaching their dreams. Oh god, he’s a cliche, and not even a good one. 

When his phone rings he assumes it’s a drunk dial or accidental call, his heart nearly leaps out of his chest at Robert’s name on the screen. “Hello,” he answers. 

“Where the bloody hell are you?” Robert hisses angrily into the phone. 

“Home,” Aaron growls out. “No thanks to you. I can’t believe you locked me up in there. I’d still be trapped if it wasn’t for the fact you were too stupid to realise I’d had a phone and that my best mate wasn’t attending your special little day. Speaking of, did you tell your new missus about knocking me up before you married her.” 

“Of course not,” Robert seethed on the other line. “I told you, I wanted to marry her and I did.” 

“Yeah, I’ll bet she’ll line your pockets really well now, mate.” Aaron knew it, felt it deep down that Robert married her for money. The way he lords it over people, that he’s got the means to live better than everyone else like he’s something special but it in reality it's all down to Chrissie and the Whites’ estate. 

Robert was the definition of a Kanye West song. 

“That’s got nothing to do with it. I love her! You're only upset because I don’t want you or that… that baby.” Aaron _hated_ the way he said ‘that baby’, like it was something dirty. Aaron’s child was not dirty. Fuck him. 

“Fuck you,” Aaron growled. “How do you think Chrissie would take it if I told her I’m carrying your baby? I hear the annulment papers being thrown at you right now.” 

“You wouldn’t dare,” Robert raged at the other end of the phone. “What do you want from me? Money, I’ll give you money. Anything you want, just, get rid of it please!’ 

That was the last straw. Aaron couldn’t take speaking with him anymore tonight. “Goodbye, Robert.” 

“Wait. WAIT!” Robert shouted into the phone as Aaron began to hang up. Slowly, sighing outward, Aaron pulled the phone back to his ear. “Aaron?” 

“You have one minute,” Aaron warned. 

“Listen, I’m leaving.” 

“Excuse me?” Aaron’s stomach twisted in… he wasn’t sure, but it didn’t feel good. Robert couldn't just pack up and go, not now when he’s just only found out. What if he needs him or something happens, or Robert changes his mind. He can’t just leave. “You can’t!” 

“It’s my honeymoon, I’m not cancelling it for you or anything else.” Relief washed through Aaron so strongly he felt light headed with it. “It’s two weeks I’ll be gone. Listen, we can speak when I return. Figure things out. I’ll look into doctors while I’m away and see if we can’t find one to do the abortion. We can tell everyone you had a miscarriage, that way you don’t have to feel so guilty about it.” 

Aaron was flabbergasted. He sat there, gaping even though Robert couldn’t see, completely astounded at Robert’s lack of tact. How could he be so fucking cold about this? Their child. “You listen and listen good,” Aaron choked out when the boiling anger became too much. “I don’t care what you fucking want, this is my child and my body and I will _not_ get rid of it. You don’t want to be apart of it, fine. This child will be better off without you. God forbid he ever finds out who his father is, he’d be so unbelievably disappointed. I hope you enjoy your honeymoon, because it will end when you get back.” Empty threat, but still one to make Robert suffer while he's away with thoughts of Aaron announcing his pregnancy and the child's father for his return. 

“Aaron, don’t you dare…” the threat was evident in Robert’s tone. 

“Goodbye, Robert.” 

This time Aaron hung up. 

****

For the next week Aaron spent his time being pampered by his mum, coddled by his best mate, and forced onto his knees in front of the toilet four or five times a day by his unborn child and morning sickness. He was just flushing the toilet when his phone rang, which wasn’t surprising because it rang around this time everyday for the past week. 

Aaron ignored Robert’s call, again, and got up off the bathroom floor. “I hate this,” Aaron complained when he made it back downstairs. Chas was sat at the table, two cups of tea with her and one was steaming; freshly made for Aaron. “Mmm,” Aaron hummed as the aroma hit his nostrils. It was peppermint tea, and Aaron was glad to find it didn’t make him completely nauseous. 

“Peppermint tea helped when I was pregnant with you,” Chas said as she sipped from her cup. “I hope it will have the same affect for you.” 

Aaron cautiously took a small sip, waiting for the inevitable moment he would have to run for the sink but it didn’t come. In fact, the tea almost has a soothing effect and with great care Aaron took a bigger drink of the tea and almost felt like weeping when he didn’t feel the urge to vomit. 

“Thank you,” he said gratefully. “Finally, something I can keep down.” 

“You look tired,” Chas said offhandedly. 

“Cheers,” Aaron scoffed and drank some more of his tea. 

“Are you sleeping?” Aaron fought himself to keep from rolling his eyes. He knows she’s only worrying because he’s pregnant but Aaron’s never enjoyed being fussed over and being with child hasn’t changed that fact. 

Truth is he hasn’t been sleeping, not since the night he got that call from Robert. He knows he needs it, knows his body is craving sleep more than ever since he’s carrying but he can’t force himself to sleep no matter what. He gets maybe two to three hours tops a night and then he’s up, fretting about the decisions he needs to make. 

“Not really,” Aaron sighs, sounding just as exhausted as he feels. He runs a hand through his hair, it’s product free because the smell of his hair gel was making him nauseous. Along with his deodorant - he had to switch to an unscented kind - anything with onions in it makes his stomach heave and so does Diane’s perfume. It wasn’t a fun conversation when Aaron asked her to stop wearing it because he couldn’t exactly explain to her that it was making him sick without hurting her feelings or admitting he’s pregnant. So he’s been avoiding her instead. 

“Are you worried about the baby?” Chas asked softly, reaching across the table for his hand. “Do you feel like something isn’t right? We can take you to A&E just in case.” 

“No, nothing like that. I’ve felt no pain or anything.” 

“Is it…” Chas begins but stops, eyeing Aaron sharply as if assessing him which makes the skin on the back of his neck grow hot under her scrutiny. “Is it the father?” 

Aaron inwardly flinched, hating how his mum just _knew_ him so well at times. “Have you spoken with him again?” Chas asked, assuming Aaron’s silence was him answering yes to her previous question. He had told her that he’d finally told the father, not saying who it was, and telling her the same as he’d told Adam that it was a one off who wants nothing to do with him or the baby. 

“Er no. Actually, I don’t think he’s going to matter at all.” Aaron shrugged, hating how dejected he sounded over that fact. 

“I thought you already knew he wasn’t wanting to be involved. Did… do you want him involved?” 

“I don't know,” Aaron shrugged. “I mean, yeah, I’d like my child to know who helped make them but he doesn’t want to be apart of it. He…. mum, he asked me to get an abortion.” 

“What?” Chas growled. “I don’t know who this prick is but if I ever find out I’ll deck him.” 

Just what he wants to be able to tell his child when they’re all grown up. _”Nana Chas punched your dad in the face because he wanted me to abort you. Isn’t our family the best?”_ His poor child. 

“Don’t worry,” Aaron said, “I won’t do that. I want this baby, despite what he wants I’m keeping him. Or her.” 

“Good,” Chas said, “I mean, good that you know what you want. Any choice you make I’ll support but I want you to make sure you really know what you want.” 

“I do,” Aaron touched his stomach, smiling softly as he did. 

****

Adam is worse than Chas. His mum fusses over him, making sure he’s eating right and getting enough sleep and rest and relaxing. Adam, however, is treating Aaron like he’s made of glass. When Aaron showed up at the scrapyard the day after Adam had to come rescue him from Wylies, he wouldn’t let Aaron touch a thing out in the yard. He forced Aaron inside the portacabin, making him sit at the desk and only do paper work. 

At one point Aaron had gotten so fed up he nearly punched Adam for treating him like a dainty flower instead of a capable man doing his job. 

It took some fighting - of the yelling and screaming variety - before Aaron conceded and promised Adam he wouldn’t work in the yard until after the baby was born. Adam suggested hiring another hand, but since the business was so new they figured it wouldn't do too much damage to have only Adam doing the heavy lifting. If it got to be too much then Aaron would find someone to hire for a short time. 

For what it was worth Adam was being very attentive to Aaron’s needs. If Aaron even suggested needing or wanting something Adam was there to get it. It was easy to see that clearly Adam would make a wonderful partner with to have a baby and Aaron almost feels bitter that it’s Robert’s child he’s carrying instead of Adam’s. Which is stupid, he knows, because he’s not in love with Adam. He only wishes it was Robert here being the super dad/partner Aaron wants and needs during this time, but instead the father of baby is off on his honeymoon with his moneybags wife and not bothering to spare a second thought for Aaron and the baby. 

It just… it really hurts him. 

****

The second week of Robert being away on his honeymoon, Aaron decides it’s time to tell people he’s pregnant. He’s two months and one week in now, eventually he’ll start showing and then won’t be able to hide it all. He’s already gained some weight, now that he has the magical peppermint tea to help soothe his morning sickness, he’s keeping food down instead of releasing it back into the toilet after each meal. 

He dreads the day he’ll have to trade out his jeans for a pair of joggers because the jeans won’t button. He’s had his second round of hormone injections but hasn’t felt his libido increase, thank goodness. He’s not ready for that yet, only just now getting used to the other transitions his body is making. 

It’s Chas who gathers the lot of Dingles - and Paddy - together at the pub in the back. Adam is there as well with Vic and so is Doug but only because Doug lives there and refused to be “thrown out of his own home” as he put it. 

“What are we doing here?” Cain asked testily. “I have a job y’know.” 

“This won’t take long,” Chas snaps at him. “Aaron has something he’d like to tell everyone.” 

All eyes turn to him where he’s standing next to Adam. His best mate claps him on the shoulder in encouragement and it does help. “Err well. Uh, I um wanted to tell you all that I’m - I’m pregnant.” 

It was silent for a heartbeats second before Vic explodes first, shrieking in excitement and hugging Aaron tight around the neck. “Er, thanks, Vic.” He says and awkwardly pats her on the back. It takes Adam forcibly removing her arms to get her off. 

“A baby,” she says excitedly and reaches for Aaron’s stomach. He flinches and is glad she’s too focused on touching him to notice. At least one Sugden is excited about this baby. 

He doesn't miss the way Doug sneaks out into the bar area and knows soon enough the entire village will know he's up the duff.

Congratulations are in order. He’s passed around from one Dingle to another, each hugging or clapping him on the back and saying how happy they are for him. Of course it’s Cain who has to go and spoil it all. “Who’s the father?” 

Aaron clears his throat before shrugging, “Not important. He’s not interested and I can do this on my own. I will do it on my own.” 

Cain eyes his up and down before rolling his eyes and shrugging like he doesn’t care, but Aaron knows better. He’s sure Cain will be pumping him for information later when they’re alone at some point. 

“Pregnant huh?” Paddy says as he hugs him. “You’re gonna be a dad,” he laughed. “Can you imagine?” 

“Er, have been for a while now.” 

“Right, yeah. But, y’know, it’s a baby. A - a real baby.” 

“No, I’m gonna give birth to a fake baby. I know it’s a real baby, Paddy,” Aaron sneers sarcastically. “I can do this.” 

“Alright,” Paddy said in surrender. “Just making sure you’re alright is all.” 

“I’m good,” Aaron said, semi truthfully. Maybe he’s not perfect but he is okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it everything you imagined???


	7. They Take Your Heart and Steal Your Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catching up some. I'm so glad so many of you are still interested in this, thank you and I'm so sorry for making you wait so long. I love all of you!!!!

Robert’s arrival back in the village had him on edge. He’d already sweat through his shirt, the nerves eating away at him as Chrissie prattles on about whatever. He’d stopped listening since they boarded the plane back from Aruba. He was coming back with a tan, a new wife and a new ulcer from the stress he’d been put under since Aaron had said he was pregnant. 

It was stupid to worry, he might not even be the father. 

Although, Aaron was very sure about the paternity and he’s never pegged Aaron as someone who’d lie about this. But still, no, he can’t be the father. Doesn’t want to be. 

He expects a horde of villagers waiting outside Home Farm with pitchforks and torches, ready to run him out of the village or string him up. Instead, he’s greeted by Lawrence and Lachlan, waiting patiently out front with forced smiles on their faces. 

“It's good to be home,” Chrissie sighed dreamily and got out of the car, rushing to hug her son and then dad, promising the reveal of gifts later. She told Robert to grab the bags as she took them inside, gushing about all the things Aruba. 

Once inside and out of view, Robert took out his phone and called Aaron for what seemed the hundredth time. He doesn’t believe Aaron has told anyone he’s the possible father; after all, Lawrence would have confronted Robert first thing, spitting in his face about lies and deceit if he’d known. 

The call went to voicemail along with the other dozens of calls Robert had made whilst on his honeymoon. “Bloody pick up the fucking phone, Aaron!” Robert shouted into the phone as his message. “I’m home now, call me and we can meet.” 

Robert grabbed the bags from the boot and took them inside, plastering on a fake smile as he went to greet his new family. 

****

On the day of Robert’s return, Aaron awoke in a pool of sweat which he found odd because it was only the middle of March and still cold outside in the mornings. The heat wasn’t on either but the sweat had gathered at the back of his neck, rolling down his shoulder blades and making him feel sticky and uncomfortable. What was worse was how unbelievably sensitive he felt. His entire body being on fire was one thing, but coupling it with extremely hard nipples rubbing against the fabric of his sheets and his pulsating hard cock, leaking between his legs was the worst. 

Aaron groaned into his pillow, humping his bed for friction and shivering from the feeling. He’s never felt so turned on his life like he might actually up and die if his cock isn’t touched. He lifts his head, then using his arms to push his hips up so he can see underneath him and get a glimpse of his flushed, dripping cock. He was so wet already, so a quick lick to his palm was enough and he grabbed hold of the throbbing member and stroked. Flames licked at his body, white-hot pleasure seared through his gut and almost too quickly he was already at the edge and only a couple more strokes of his cock had him coming all over his sheets whilst he screamed into his pillow. He came so hard it almost hurt. 

“Fuck,” he gasped and rolled over, being sure to avoid his mess. He laid there, panting and reveling in the fact that it was the hardest he’d ever come without a partner. After a few minutes of feeling boneless and content, he was pulled back down to earth when an ache in his lower area had him looking down to only find that somehow he was still fucking hard as a rock. 

“What?” Aaron gasped. He was only in his early twenties but, even he didn't have that kind of refractory period. He realises that he’d never even gone soft after coming that first time. 

He knows Dr Davis warned him about an increased libido but this, this wasn't natural. “Fuck,” he takes hold of his cock, working himself over until he’s coming again, this time his orgasm wasn’t as painful and his cock wilted and went soft when he was finished. Unbelievably still, Aaron felt that rush of heat in his stomach, an itch too deep for him to reach that needed to be scratched and normally Aaron would go out, meet a bloke and fuck but he’s pregnant now. Is this how it would be for the next six and a bit months? He’ll be going out of his mind with want by the end of it. 

He showers, taking his time underneath the hot spray. Once dressed and ready for the day, he checks his phone to see a missed call and voicemail from Robert. “Bollocks,” Aaron grumbles as he checks the voicemail. _”Bloody pick up the fucking phone, Aaron! I’m home now, call me and we can meet.”_

Sighing, Aaron texts Robert to meet him at the scrapyard at noon. Adam's usually out for lunch by then and all Aaron has to do is claim too much paperwork needs to be done and Adam will go without him, promising to return with food for Aaron. His phone chimes with Robert’s response, a clipped _I’ll be there_ and then nothing else. 

Downstairs he goes, enjoying the smell of bacon that’s filling the lower level. His mum has a bacon sarnie for him, some eggs and fresh fruit she demands he eats and a cuppa of peppermint tea so he can keep the food down. “Are you working today?” Chas asks as she drinks her coffee; the smell of it has Aaron jealous. 

“Yeah,” Aaron says around a mouthful of eggs. “Might take off early though.” He’s sure he will after he meets with Robert because it will go one of two ways, but in the end, either way, it will be a fight and Aaron will need to get away before he does something stupid. 

“Well then maybe later we can possibly discuss living arrangements for when the baby comes,” Chas says it offhandedly, like that topic of conversation is absolutely no big deal. Aaron freezes, bacon sarnie halfway to his mouth and dread curls in his stomach. He never even considered that Chas might not want him there, at least not until after the baby was born. Of course, she doesn’t want to do the whole baby thing again, being awoken in the middle of the night with screaming and the messes and crowding that comes with children. He’s sure Diane and Doug won’t want that either, but where is he supposed to go?

It is sort of rude of him, he supposes, to expect them to put up with him and a new baby. “Later though, right?” Aaron asks, hoping to avoid this conversation for the moment. 

“Of course,” Chas nods. Aaron sets down the uneaten sarnie, no longer in the mood to eat, his hunger replaced with dread and nausea. “Where are you going?” Chas asked as Aaron got up from the table, tossing out his leftover food into the bin. 

“Early start,” Aaron said quickly, already making his way to the door. “I’ll be back later, sorry I’ve got run out like this,” and Aaron has his hoodie and hi-vis vest in his hand and is out the door before Chas can even respond. 

Adam can obviously tell something is wrong with Aaron and Aaron isn’t exactly trying to hide his bad mood. Whenever Adam leaves him alone in the portacabin he searches for flats for sale online. All of them are way out of his price range and the closest he could come to affording one was right outside of Leeds. Adam comes back inside after maybe two hours of work and Aaron quickly closes out the flat listings. “Lunchtime, come on. Get out of this stuffy cabin and come to the Wooly with me. I’m buying.” 

Aaron internally groans, he’d completely forgotten about Robert meeting him here soon but he’s reminded by the mention of lunch. He’s hungry, and one of Marlon’s burgers sounds heavenly but he has to be here. “Can’t,” Aaron grunts, “too much work.” 

Adam scoffs, “Mate, it’ll be here when you get back. Get off your arse and come with me.” 

“Piss off,” Aaron snarls and regrets it immediately from the look of hurt Adam gives him. He sighs and drops his head into his hands. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles into them before picking his head up and saying it again, “I’m sorry.” 

“What’s going on with you?” Adam asked, demanded more like. “You’ve had a bee in your bonnet all day with me. Did I do something or is it even me?” 

“No,” Aaron promised, “it isn’t you. I’m just not sleeping well and this morning my hormone injections started kicking in and… it’s just been a long couple of months and it’s gonna be an even longer eighteen years.” 

“Alright, I’m going to ask you a question and whatever your answer is I will not judge you for it. You can be completely honest with me, mate.” 

“What?” Aaron asked suspiciously, sitting up straight and defensive.

“Are you really ready for this, having a baby and being a dad all by yourself?” 

Aaron stared openly at him, wondering when he possibly could’ve given Adam the impression that he doesn’t want this baby because Aaron can’t recall a time when he did that. If anything it should be obvious how badly Aaron wants this baby. “It’s only you seem to already be so stressed out and it’s only going to get more stressful when the baby is actually here. All I’m saying is that you’re not trapped and have other options.” 

“Are you suggesting I get an abortion?” Aaron staggered angrily, completely taken by surprise. 

“What? No! God no. I just… there’s always adoption, many families can’t have children and the OUC program has parents’ without a baby who's looking for one. You have options, Aaron.”

“And I don’t need them,” Aaron snapped. “I want this baby, you or the father or my mum be damned. I want my baby and I’m keeping him. Or her. I think you should leave me alone right now.” 

“Aaron, I didn't mean to-” 

“Just go, Adam!” Aaron raised his voice, glaring hard at his best mate until Adam sighed, nodded his head and left. 

Aaron sighed angrily and rested his head down on the desk. Aaron knows what having this baby means, it means no longer being one but two. It means giving up a part of his life in service of someone else and bringing up a child he can help mould into a decent human being by giving them love, stability and hope. And fuck it if he needs someone. He doesn't need Adam, he's just a mate who will have kids of his own one day and understand. He doesn't need his mum, if she doesn't want to share this with Aaron then he'll understand, and he sure as hell doesn't need Robert. 

Aaron did something desperate and stupid because he was afraid of losing Robert, but he's not going to force himself or his child onto someone who wants neither of them. He'll do this by himself, be the parent that neither of his parents was. Aaron's child won't be abused like Gordon had done to him and won't be abandoned the way Chas did him. Aaron's son - or daughter - will be loved unconditionally and Aaron will always be there.

He didn't hear the car approach but Aaron knew someone was standing in the doorway of the portacabin, just the same way he knew it was Robert who was standing there without having to look up. “Not now,” Aaron whined against the desk. “Can you try and convince me to abort our baby another time, I’m not in the mood.” 

Aaron looked up to see Robert glaring hatefully at him, fists clenched and arms hanging tensely by his sides. “You think that’s funny?” 

“No I don’t,” Aaron snapped. “I don’t find the father of my child pushing me to abort our baby funny in the slightest.” 

“Quit calling it that,” Robert seethed, nostrils flaring and eyes flashing. 

“What?” 

“ _Our child_ ,” he growled. “I don’t even know if it’s mine. You could’ve of been spreading your legs for every bloke with a pulse for all I know. After all, you were panting after an engaged man.” 

Aaron chuckled humorlessly, “Me, panting after you? You came after me, mate. And it is your baby, I’m all for a paternity test just so I can say I told you so.”

“Good,” Robert snapped, “because I want one.” 

“Fine. Are we done here?” 

“No,” Robert spit and walked into the portacabin, shutting the door behind him. “Why didn’t you answer any of my calls. I called every day for two weeks and you fucking ignored every single one of them.” 

“I’m sure you had better things to do than speak with me,” Aaron shrugged like he didn’t care. “Like lie to your new wife and drink margaritas in the sun.” 

“Is that supposed to be funny?” 

“Do you see me laughing?” Aaron asked, making his frown more pronounced to prove the point. 

“I found a doctor-” Robert begins but Aaron cuts him off. 

“No,” he raged, feeling his anger levels rising again. “I don’t care if you don’t want this baby, but I do. You and Adam and even my mum have no say in this. I don’t care if you don’t want to be a dad or that my best mate doesn’t think I can do this or that I might be homeless by the time this baby is born because my mum doesn’t want me living in the pub. I don’t fucking care.” 

“What do you mean your mum-” 

But Aaron was on a roll now and Robert wasn't going to interrupt him from saying what he needs to say. He's so angry, he feels the power and courage the comes with being angry and it allows him to say what he does next.

“Because I know I can do this and I will.” Aaron’s up out of his seat and across the room, crowding Robert up against the door and getting right up in his face. Robert tries to seem intimidated but Aaron could see by the worry in his eyes that he was. “I love this baby. And when this baby is born and you have to see him for first the time, I hope it kills you. I hope it eats away at you that you’ll never get to know your child, that you’ll never get to know how beautiful and amazing your child will be because _my_ child _will_ be amazing, despite what an utter disappointment his - or her - biological father is.” 

Aaron reaches out and grabs the doorknob, ignoring the way Robert flinched like he was going to be hit and opened the door, pushing it open and then shoving Robert out. The older man fell down, hitting the ground hard when he fell on his arse. “Don’t come back here, even if you change your mind and want to be apart of this because I’m done with you. This is my child and I won’t let my child know disappointment!” 

Then he slams the door on Robert, shutting him out for good. It takes him a moment to realise he’s crying and shaking violently. His lifts a quaking hand to wipe his tears away and listens as Robert’s car starts and drives away. 

Aaron’s waiting for the initial moment when his regret sets in but it doesn’t. He can’t keep waiting around expecting Robert to accept responsibility and he doesn’t need to. Aaron can be the responsible one, will be. Has to be. No amount of money or threats will change his mind.

A fluttering in his stomach shocks him into freezing, waiting to see if it happens again. He looks down at his abdomen in surprise but it doesn’t come again. Months later he’ll tell his mum about this and she’ll say it was obviously gas because no way could Aaron have felt his baby yet, but in that moment he swears he did, almost like his child was nudging him in solidarity, saying that they didn’t need anyone but each other. That they would be alright. 

Aaron smiled, resting his hands on his belly and cried for a whole different reason. 

****

Robert was shaking from the rage, his hands gripping the wheel so tight his knuckles turned white. He drove into the village, seething from Aaron’s words. He’s not a disappointment! Just because he doesn’t want his life ruined by a child he didn’t plan for nor wanted. That made him a disappointment? He just wants his life the way it was supposed to go. Marrying Chrissie and starting a life with her. Maybe years down the road after Lachlan was out of the house and at uni or possibly prison, they’d discuss children. A pregnant man throwing a spanner into the works was not in Robert’s fucking plan. 

He’s not a disappointment. Fuck Aaron, fuck his dad and Lawrence and anyone else who’s ever thought Robert to be a disappointment. 

He stops the car when he spots Katie and Chas walking out of the cafe. Without turning his car off he slams on the brakes, puts it in park and gets out, leaving the door open as well and storms over to the pair, his seething rage begging to be pushed onto someone else. 

Katie thought he was a disappointment. He broke her heart and she’s hated him ever since, and Chas, she’s just as bad. Abandoning her son as a child and now she plans to throw him out onto the streets when he has a bun in the oven. She’s a disappointment. 

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Robert shouted at her, drawing the attention of others but he doesn’t care. He’s just so fucking angry. “Throwing your pregnant son out with nowhere to go. Who the fuck does that?” 

“Excuse me?” Chas asked in disbelief. She looks to Katie as if she has the answers but Katie looks just as mystified as Chas. “What are you talking about, Robert?” 

“Aaron told me you’re throwing him out of the pub because he’s pregnant. What kind of mother does that? I’ll tell you, a bad one. But that’s not very surprising is it Chas? Abandoned him as a child, watched as he self-harmed, let him take the fall for arson and just let him go away to be alone again. God, you’re a horrible mum.” 

“For God’s sake Robert, calm down.” Katie puts an arm around Chas, who is gaping and too shocked to speak. “How dare you do this.” 

“Oh shut up you stupid tart,” Robert snapped. “Don’t you have somewhere to be, lying on your back with your legs spread.” 

“Did Aaron tell you I’m throwing him out?” Chas asked in a small voice like she was fighting back some strong emotion. “Where did you even get this?” 

“Yeah, he told me. Said you didn’t want him around when the baby came.” Chas shook her head, looking at Katie with pleading eyes. 

“I wouldn’t,” Robert scoffed and earned a glare from Katie. “I don’t want him going anywhere. No wonder he ran out this morning after I mentioned living arrangements. I’m not throwing him out. Diane and I spoke about her and Doug moving out to give us more room. I was going to ask Aaron if he wanted their room and if we could turn his room into a nursery. I’d never throw him or my grandchild out.” 

“I know that,” Katie soothed. “Aaron’s just confused. I’m sure he didn’t make it out to be this bad. Some people,” she glared evilly up at Robert, “are stupid and make things worse than they should be even though they have no right to be involved in the first place and can’t keep their big noses out of it.” 

“I have to find him and explain. I have to - damn I’m supposed to be back at the pub, Diane is-”

“I’ll cover,” Katie promised. “Go find Aaron and talk to him, I’m sure he’s worrying and that’s the last thing he needs to be doing in this situation.” 

“Thank you, Katie,” she turns to leave but pauses and turns back to Robert. Quick like a snake, her hand shoots out and slaps him hard across the face. “That’s for calling me a bad mum. You’re nothing but trash, Robert Sugden.” 

Robert cups the side of his face, feeling the sting of the slap. Regret curls in his stomach and he hates having to turn and face Katie. She glares and shakes her head, mumbling, “pathetic,” before walking away. 

People are still staring at him and Robert has to slink away back to his car with his tail between his legs like a scolded puppy. His anger is gone, he’d unleashed and it backfired like always. Now he feels sick, hating that Aaron got to him with all that disappointment stuff. It wouldn’t be so bad if Aaron hadn’t said exactly what Robert thinks about himself on daily bases. 

He is a disappointment and whatever child he has with Aaron - if it’s his (his denial is strong) - or whatever future children he has with Chrissie, Robert will always know those children are better off without him. He ruins everything he touches and he’ll definitely ruin his kids. 

****

Aaron is sitting behind his desk, a burger and chips from the Woolpack in front of him that Adam had brought back in apology. Aaron was still a bit angry but he forgave Adam anyway with a silent promise to himself that he would prove him, his mum and Robert all wrong. 

He’s almost finished eating when Chas comes in, face flushed like she’d ran here and panting hard. “I don’t want you to move out,” was her greeting.

“What?” Aaron asked, confused. 

“I don’t want you to move out, ever. When I said I wanted to discuss living arrangements I meant discussing Diane and Doug moving out of the pub and giving us more space. I wanted you to take the larger room and turn the one you’re in now into a nursery for the baby. If you want that of course, I’ll understand if you don’t want to.” 

“You want me to stay?” Aaron asked softly. “Really?” 

“Of course you daft idiot,” she rushes over and throws her arms around him. 

“Mum,” he grumbles even though he secretly likes it. 

“Love, I don’t want you going anywhere. You or that baby you’ve got cooking.” 

“Good,” Aaron gruffed, his voice sounding watery with emotion. “‘Cause I don’t want to go anywhere.” 

She hugged him tighter and pulled back to cup his face. “I’m sorry I made you worry. I know that’s not good for the baby.” 

“It’s alright. I suppose I did it to myself instead of just asking. I’ve been looking at flats all morning. Why - wait, how did you know that I was thinking you didn’t want me there?” 

“Robert flamin’ Sugden decided to scream it at me in the middle of the village all whilst calling me a horrible mum.” 

Aaron’s jaw dropped, not knowing how to feel. He settled on anger. Anger was good, he understood anger especially since he didn’t want to focus on the warm feeling in his chest at hearing that Robert was so obviously worried about Aaron having nowhere to live. “I’m so sorry,” Aaron said between clenched teeth. “He shouldn’t have - I’ll speak with him. I just said it in passing,” he lied. “I can’t believe he did that.” 

“Yeah, well. I already slapped him for it. Still, it made me feel terrible and I had to rush right over and clear things up. I really don’t want you going anywhere.” 

“I know, at least now I do. Forget Robert, he’s not important,” Aaron lied again.

“Just be thankful he isn’t the father, could you imagine having to put up with him for the next eighteen years.” 

Aaron forced a fake laugh and look of horror. How was he ever supposed to let Chas know that Robert is the father? He can imagine how disappointed in him she’ll be. Although, Robert has made it abundantly clear that he wants nothing to do with Aaron or the baby so he supposes he’ll never have to reveal the truth to Chas. 

He does, however, dread the day his child will ask him who their father is. 

How can he lie to his kid?


	8. Lucky, No Permanent Damage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to keep up with this now and hopefully won't forget about it again. Thanks for sticking with it and me!!!

The day after his confrontation with Robert at the portacabin, Aaron woke up rock hard again. It took another two orgasms before he went soft and he’d definitely have to ask Dr Davis next time he went in for an appointment. Dr Davis is supposed to be looking into an OUC based doctor in Hotten that Aaron can go see instead of having to travel to Leeds for every appointment. Dr Cavanaugh doesn’t specialise with OUC patients and truthfully Aaron doesn’t want another doctor, he trusts Dr Davis. He still knew he’d need someone closer to home, especially if there are any complications or for when he goes into labour.

Last night Aaron and Chas had sat down with Diane and Doug who’ve agreed their moving out was for the best. Diane didn’t much like living at the pub anyhow and they wouldn’t mind being able to spread out more. Aaron made them promise first that this was their decision and that they weren’t doing this because of the imminent arrival of Aaron’s baby.

It was the talk of the village, Robert cutting loose and having a go at Chas in the middle of the village. Aaron was going to confront Robert about his behaviour first chance he got and was going to make him damn well apologise to Chas whether Robert wanted to or not.

“Good morning,” Victoria sang out where she was making a cuppa in their kitchen this morning. “I hope you don’t mind but Marlon was having a panic this morning because somehow we’ve run out of chicken and today's special is chicken and mushroom pie. I had to get out of there or be a bystander to one of his conniptions. How’s daddy feeling this morning?”

Without asking she placed her hands on Aaron’s stomach. He had half a mind to slap her hand away but in the end, didn’t. He supposes he’ll have to get used to this. The other day when he was in the shop, Alicia rubbed his stomach for a good thirty seconds before Aaron pointedly reminded her he needed to pay for his milk and then got the hell out of there afterwards.

It's more common that women will touch him than men, which isn't that just ironic. Aaron assumes it because, whilst their bodies can't carry children anymore, women still have that primal urge to carry a child. It's like Aaron is a bright light right now and every woman around him is a moth.

“Are you hungry? I can make you something before I go back in there.” Aaron never took her for being the motherly type but she pushed him towards the table without waiting for his answer and began sorting through their refrigerator. “Oh,” she said and straightened up, turning to him with a look of apology on her face. “I’m so sorry about my daft brother. He’s so stupid sometimes. I can’t believe he called Chas a bad mum right to her face in front of a bunch of people.”

“Your brother is a stupid one,” Aaron says, finally being able to speak. “Maybe he thought he was doing the right thing.”

“The right thing?” Vic laughed without humour. “The right thing was hardly making a prat out of himself, but Robert has always been good at that. Eggs do you, I can make an omelette?”

“Sure,” Aaron agrees. “Just no onions.”

“Have you thought about names yet?” Victoria asked as she heated up the pan for the omelette. “Or how you want to decorate the nursery or what kind of antenatal classes you want to attend?” Aaron’s mouth hangs open, not sure what to say since he’s being put on the spot. Is he going to sound like a bad dad if he says he hasn’t?

“Err… well no I haven’t yet.”

“That’s alright,” Vic shrugs. “Plenty of time to plan. What’s the sperm donor's name?”

Aaron choked on his own spit, sputtering as he tries to think of a random name. How is it so hard to think of one stupid name on the spot? Luckily they’re interrupted by Chas swooping in, her arms ladened down with Tesco shopping bags. “Okay,” she says and turns to face Aaron with a guilty smile on her face. “Don’t be upset but I saw them and I couldn’t resist.”

Aaron couldn’t be mad or suspicious because he was just so thankful that she interrupted his and Vic’s conversation and it seemed to steer Victoria’s line of thought because she instead puts down his omelette in front of him and goes to snoop through Chas’ bag.

“What did you buy?” Aaron picked up his fork and started eating, holding back his moan as the omelette practically melts in his mouth. Victoria used two kinds of cheeses. She could mother him any day.

“Well,” Chas begins but is cut off by Victoria’s excited squeal.

Out of one of the bags, she pulls out two little baby onesies, one white with pink printed letters and the other blue with black letters. Chas smiles and takes them from Vic, bringing them to Aaron and handing them over with an excited light in her eyes that can only come from a grandparent spoiling their grandchild. Aaron tries not to roll his eyes because the baby is still just a fetus inside him.

The first onesie, the blue one with black letters says, _I love my Daddy_. Aaron’s heart melts a little at seeing it. The white onesie with pink letters says, _Go ahead and mess with me, but you should know that I have the meanest, baddest nana in town_. Aaron can’t help but grin widely up at his mum. “These are amazing, mum.”

“I know,” Chas gushes. “I almost bought like another six but I somehow held myself back.”

“Must’ve been difficult,” Chas sighs like Aaron has no idea just how difficult it was.

“Oh,” Vic raves, “you’re gonna have so much fun dressing the baby in these. I want one.”

“Now?” Chas asks as Aaron continues to eat, decidedly ignoring that Vic basically compared his child to a dolly just now. Vic can make a mean omelette, though. He forgives her.

“No,” Vic shakes her head urgently. “Maybe in a few years when I’m married and settled. But after, sure I would want a couple of them.”

She and Adam have only been dating a few months. To get a baby they’ll have to go through the adoption process at an OUC facility. There are many men who are willing to carry children for parents who are ready. He wonders if she and Adam will make it the long haul, marriage and kids. Aaron hopes so.

****

Robert and Chrissie walked into the pub, instantly being greeted by Diane and her thousands of questions about their honeymoon. Robert was just glad Chas wasn’t around after yesterday's fiasco. He could feel people’s eyes on him, and normally Robert liked the attention but not today because he knows what they’re all thinking about him. The only thing that could make this worse was if Aaron was there, sitting silently apart from them and glaring angrily.

Or his little sister could appear to give him the business.

“You have some nerve coming in here after what you pulled yesterday,” Vic snapped at him as Diane got him and Chrissie each an orange juice.

“What have you done now?” Chrissie asked resigned.

“It was a mistake,” Robert hissed. “I acted stupid, alright. Just drop it.”

“You called her a bad mum,” Victoria shrieked. “In front of everyone. She might’ve made mistakes but she didn’t deserve that Robert. Aaron could’ve handled it.”

“Seriously,” Chrissie said now sounding aggravated, “what have you done?”

“Well forgive me for not wanting to see a pregnant man with nowhere to live,” it was the perfect excuse instead of telling the truth that he’d only lashed out because Aaron had hurt him.

“Pregnant?” Chrissie said in surprise and a little annoyed. “Who’s pregnant?”

“My son.” Robert wanted to tuck tail and brick it but he’d eventually have to face Chas in the long run.

“No fights please,” Diane begged as she set Robert and Chrissie’s drinks in front of them. “Robert made a mistake and he knows it,” she says to Chas and then turns to Robert, “and you are going to apologise to Chas for those horrible things you said.”

Robert opened his mouth to disagree, saying it was just a stupid mistake and he shouldn’t have to apologise for it when Aaron walked in from the back. He stopped, looked around and when his eyes landed on Chrissie and Robert his whole body went rigid. Without meeting either of their eyes he said to Chas, “I’m headed to the scrapyard. I’ll be leaving the village today with Adam on a call out. If something happens I’ll call you.”

“Is something wrong?” Robert asked before he could hold his tongue. He feels everyone’s eyes in their little group turn on him. He tells himself that he was just curious and that’s why he asked, not because he’s worried. Why would he be worried? He doesn’t give a damn about that baby or Aaron. Still, he waits for an answer without looking at Chrissie whose eyes are still on him. There’s nothing wrong with being curious.

“Just in case,” Aaron mumbles and looks back at his mum. “Thanks for the clothes, he - or she - is gonna look adorable in them.”

“You’re welcome. Robert here was just about to apologise. Weren’t you, Robert.”

“I hardly believe-” Robert begins but is cut off by an outraged cry from both Diane and Victoria.  
“Bloody hell, alright! I’m sorry I called you a bad mum,” Robert said begrudgingly. “I overreacted and said things that weren’t true.”

“Obviously,” Chas said and rolled her eyes, and that was it. She moved down the bar and Vic and Diane turned their attention elsewhere. It would have ended there except Chrissie went and said something that made both Robert and Aaron tense.

“You’re pregnant?” she asked Aaron who had his back turned. Robert could practically feel the waves of indignation rolling off of Aaron. Robert was almost sure Aaron would leave without acknowledging her and Robert kind of wishes he would but instead he turns around, jaw obviously clenched but his face is blank.

“Yeah,” Aaron answers her.

“Congratulations,” she said kindly. “How long have you known?”

Robert silently begs Aaron to end this conversation as soon as possible. “Nearly two months.”

“You knew?” Chrissie directed that question at Robert. “Why didn't you say anything?”

Aaron's fists clenched and a cold sweat broke out on the back Robert's neck. Because the baby might be mine and you'll leave me and take everything I've worked hard for, and then everyone will know. Everyone will finally know the truth. I can't face the truth.

“Didn't think it was important.” Robert's surprised Aaron's glare doesn't cause Robert to drop dead right there.

“Well, who’s the father?” Robert grips his glass so hard he thinks it might break. Aaron’s eyes flicker to him and Robert’s heart stutters. Don’t fucking look at me! Robert thinks desperately, sure his eyes are giving away his fears.

“Some deadbeat loser who doesn’t give a toss about our Aaron or his baby,” Chas offers in her judgemental manner. “But who needs him? Aaron’s got me and the rest of the Dingles, that baby will never feel unloved.”

“It’s good you have a family,” Chrissie nodded her head. “I remember when Donny and I adopted Lachlan, I’d never give him up for anything but I really wish someone had been there to warn me what a horrible man Donny would turn out to be. I would’ve been able to save Lachlan all of that heartache.” Chrissie slipped an arm through Robert’s, leaning her body against his. “It sounds like you’re better off without whoever this bloke is, Aaron. Sometimes you can’t always find a good one on the first go.” She looks up at Robert and smiles sweetly at him and Robert hopes his is just as sweet as hers when he returns it. “And family is always good to have around, dad was a massive help to me when Donny left us.”

Aaron scoffs, pulling Robert’s gaze onto him and he glares. “Whatever,” he grumbles. “I’ll be home later, mum.” And with that, he’s gone.

“Did I say something?” Chrissie wonders out loud, looking back at Robert in confusion.

“He’s a grumpy sod, isn’t he? Forget him,” he tells her. “Let’s grab a table.”

****

It’s hot and stuffy in Adam’s truck on the way back to the village, and Aaron is uncomfortable and horny. He has the window rolled down as they speed along the road, the radio was turned up to some stupid pop song that Adam was singing along to. Honestly, Aaron probably wouldn’t have been in such a bad mood if it hadn’t been for Robert and Chrissie this morning - also the fact that Adam wouldn’t let him help load up the truck on their call out. Aaron was wondering why the hell he even went in the first place. He could’ve stayed home and spent the day wanking it.

Robert made him angry because he’s a selfish prick who lies so easily and Aaron hates that he’s in love with him. It makes it all worse because he hates her too, and it’s only because she has the man he wants. Aaron wonders how good it would’ve felt to scream it in her face that the baby he’s carrying is her newly wedded his husband's.

It would’ve felt good for two seconds and then he would’ve felt unbelievably guilty and ashamed. Sometimes Aaron hates having a conscious.

Adam hits a bump in the road, Aaron gets jostled and it rubs his half hard dick against the fabric of his trousers. He’s been half hard since he jerked off twice. He can feel how unsatisfied he is and wonders if he could go out and get laid before he’s too big to turn anyone’s head his way. The only problem with that is he’s afraid of how it will make him feel. He loves Robert, can’t imagine being with anyone else. It almost hurts his heart to think that way. Besides, he’ll feel so dirty if he does. What pregnant man is going around shagging anything that moves?

A thought that Aaron shies away from is that he’s sure if he called up Robert it would be easy to seduce him. Robert’s always eager and willing to bang one out, like a part of Robert, shuts down or something so he doesn’t have to acknowledge the feelings after but instead thrives in the moment and focuses on the pleasure he’s receiving instead.

Aaron wishes he could do that but he’s never been good at one-offs, especially with blokes he’s in love with.

“What are you thinking about over there all serious like?” Adam asks as he turns down the radio. “You not getting motion sickness are you?”

“No,” Aaron sighs. “I’m thinking about sex.”

“Nice,” Aaron rolls his eyes. “I had sex last night, sometimes Vic can even surprise me.”

“Quit bragging,” Aaron grumbles. His hand just isn’t enough. “These stupid hormone injections are keeping me half hard all day long and I can’t go out and shag some random.”

“Says who?” Adam asks as he makes the turn back into the village.

“I do,” Aaron sighed, already feeling eager to be back home. He can go upstairs and take care of himself. “I don’t want some random bloke all over me whilst I’m like this. My hand will just have to do.”

“Suit yourself,” Adam shrugged as he pulled up outside of the pub. “Wanna catch a drink together - or at least watch me drink a pint whilst you sit there all jealous like?” Adam gives him a cheeky grin and waggles his eyebrows.

“Maybe another time,” Aaron said and was out of the truck before Adam could retort. He goes around the back because he doesn’t want to have to deal with anyone stopping him. He strips out of his shoes and hoodie by the door and runs upstairs.

His hand is good, not the best but it works but Aaron has something else as well. He hasn’t used it in forever. It had been bought in France when he was still with Ed, a gift to play around within the bedroom. When him and Ed split, Ed got all their mates and Aaron got the six-inch dildo. Right now Aaron feels like that was a fair enough trade.

It was “skin” coloured and silicone, a suction cup bottom to it so he could attach it to the floor, wall, or headboard. Aaron chose the floor, stripping his clothes off quickly and grabbing a bottle of lube. He makes sure his bedroom door is locked first before coating his fingers and opening himself up.

His cock is hard and leaking by the time he’s ready to go. It takes a lot of strength just to remove his fingers but he has something even better waiting to fill him up. He flinches when the head touches his hole, it’s cold and fake. There’s no soft, spongy flesh, no throbbing heat or slick wetness of precum. Instead, it’s artificial lifelessness and cold plastic. Still, he slides down onto the dildo, taking an inch at a time until he’s got all six inches buried deep inside. He’s panting, holding onto the edge of the bed and rearranges himself so his feet are now planted on the floor and he can use the strength in his calves and thighs to do the work.

He won't be able to do that in a couple months time.

He starts pumping, moving up and down methodically so he doesn’t hurt himself. He wants to get off, not completely wreck his hole. After a while, when the stretch isn’t enough to keep him happy, he shifts so the dildo moves inside and rubs at his prostate.

Aaron feels the moan rip from his throat instead of him giving it freely. His eyes roll back and his cock spurts a jet of precome. Fuck, it feels more intense than usual. He has a moment to wonder just how fucking amazing it would feel if he was with a real person - someone to hold him down and make him take it, make him accept the pleasure and he would gladly do so - before someone’s knocking at his bedroom door.

“Fuck,” he curses and he loses his stance, feet slipping out underneath him so he plops down fully on the dildo. “Oh, fuck,” he moans and gasps in surprise.

Another knock because Aaron was too busy having all the air stolen from his lungs to answer. “Aaron?” Of course, it had to be fucking Robert Sugden. Who else would be knocking on Aaron’s door when he has a dildo shoved up his arse and his cock hanging plump and dribbling precum between his legs. The universe just loves to torture him.

“W-what?” He gasps out.

“We need to talk,” Robert says urgently and Aaron starts when the door handle jiggles but calms when he realised he had, in fact, locked it.

“Right now?” Aaron asks, desperate enough still to grind down on the dildo even with Robert standing right outside.

“Yes, right now!” Robert calls out impatiently.

“Fuck,” Aaron groans in pleasure and annoyance. “Give me a minute, I was busy.”

Aaron pulls up off the dildo, hissing as it leaves his arse. His cock still hasn’t gone down and it probably won’t. He un-suctions the dildo from the floor and hides it underneath one of his pillows. He pulls on a pair of loose briefs, biting his lip to hold in any noise as the fabric rubs along his painfully hard dick. Aaron pulls on his dressing gown that was hung inside the door of his closet and then goes to let Robert in.

****

It smells like sex in Aaron’s bedroom and Robert does his best to will himself not to get hard. It’s obvious what Aaron was doing before Robert showed up and for both their sake and sanity Robert wasn’t going to mention it. “Make this fast,” Aaron grumbled, plopping down on his bed and inconspicuously rearranges himself underneath the dressing gown. Robert shakes his head and looks at anywhere but Aaron’s groin.

“The paternity test,” Robert talks quickly. “I want it done soon. When can we go?”

“I have a scan in Leeds next week, they can do the paternity test then. You can go with me if you like, if not you’ll have to wait for another time.” A scan. A baby scan. Aaron will be seeing his baby again and Robert will be invading that. It makes him uncomfortable but still.

“I’ll go,” Robert agrees and then just stands there awkwardly. What is he supposed to do now? He knows Aaron is obviously hard and was playing with himself before Robert rudely interrupted. He and Aaron have been intimate dozens of times now, but Robert’s never felt so tense about it before. Should he offer to help? Aaron might like it if he did. Robert would definitely like it if he did.

“Is that all?” Aaron asked annoyedly.

“Err, yeah. Next week, just call me about it,” and Robert turns to leave. Aaron follows him to the door and Robert stops, turning towards Aaron.

They’re close enough that Robert can feel Aaron’s warm breath on his face. His eyes flicker down to Aaron’s plush, plump bitten lips and Robert wants to taste. It’s been so long since they last shagged. Being with Aaron is addictive and Robert’s been hooked since that first time in the garage and is now realising how long it’s been since his last Aaron fix. “If there’s anything you need,” Robert breathed out, watching the way Aaron’s tongue darts out to lick his lips and feels his dick twitch in his trousers. “Just call. Y’know like, for money or what not.”

Aaron’s loud, angry scoff pulls him out of his daze. “I don’t need your hush money, Robert. Piss the fuck off.” The doors slams shut in Robert’s face and he’s left standing there with his cock thickening and a stupid dumbfounded look on his face.

****

Aaron would have been more angry with the fact Robert was offering him more hush money if it wasn’t for the fact that he was so incredibly fucking hard still. All he wanted was for Robert to fuck off so he could get back to getting off.

He tosses aside his dressing gown and peels off the briefs, his hard cock flopping out and smacking wetly against his stomach. He pulls out the dildo and sticks it back to the floor. Adds a little lube and gets back on it.

It doesn’t take long and Aaron doesn’t fuck around this time. He rides it like he means it, thinking about how tight Robert’s trousers looked and how Robert was hungrily staring at him. He’s sure he would’ve caved and asked Robert to stay, stripped him naked and rode the older man’s cock like he was starving for it if Robert’s stupid mouth hadn’t opened and offered him money.

Aaron’s right on the edge of coming, his pretty flushed cock spilling precum like a fountain. It takes skill to be able to keep riding a dildo and jerk his cock at the same time, but Aaron, luckily, is skilled. One touch to his cock and it erupts, spewing come all over his hand, thighs and stomach. He collapses down, gasping shuddering breaths and he seats himself fully onto the dildo as his hole clenches and unclenches around it. He leans against the bed, waiting for the stars to pass and his thighs to quit spasming.

It’s faint but he hears the sound of someone stepping away from his door like they’re trying to be quiet but failing. Aaron’s not stupid, he knows it’s Robert and knows that the older man just listened to him get off. Aaron wonders if he should've tried being at least a little quiet. He should be upset that Robert stood outside and listened to Aaron do all of that but he’s just too relaxed and cum drunk to be able to care right now.

He'll be annoyed later, or the thought of it will just get him off when he’s in bed tonight, alone.


	9. Although Today You May Weep Because You're Weak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit longer, but well worth it. I'm having so much fun writing this and I really hate that I waited so long to continue it. Hoping for a regular steady stream of updates, this chapter has a lot of information so I might take a few days before I post again. I have new introductions to make in the next chapter.

Aaron is nauseous the entire trip to Leeds for the baby scan and paternity test. He’d woken up late, didn’t have time make a cuppa of peppermint tea but was still hungry enough to grab the two sarnies his mum had made for him and ate them on the way to where he agreed to meet Robert in Hotten, where he would then get into Robert’s car and they’d make the journey to Leeds together. 

Morning sickness was a real thing and Aaron was feeling it. The car ride, coupled with the pregnancy and the food as well as Robert’s very strong cologne, had Aaron about two stop lights away from chucking his entire breakfast sarnie all over Robert’s precious Audi. 

“Will you stop with the moaning and groaning over there?” Robert snapped, obviously annoyed. Aaron had a half a mind to vomit in his stupid car just because. 

“I have morning sickness,” Aaron reminded him angrily. “You drive like a boy racer and it’s making me even more queasy. Also, did you bathe in your cologne this morning? God, it’s just awful.” 

Robert gave an indignant snort as he made a sharp turn that made Aaron’s stomach do a turn of its own in retaliation. “Oh come on,” Aaron whined. “You’re gonna have to pull over.” 

“We’re almost there, can’t you hold it?” 

“I can’t hold in my sick, Robert! Pull the fuck over or I’m gonna let go right now,” Aaron made a gagging sound and it wasn’t fake. It was coming up fast. Robert didn’t even bother to look or turn on his signal as he veered off to the side of the road. Aaron was out of the car even before it stopped and became violently sick right there outside the car.

Bacon sarnies coming up the second time is way worse when they go down the first time. He’s got cold sweat on his forehead and the back of his neck. Aaron feels weak and shaky, and could really do with a bottle of water right about now. “Do you have any water?” Aaron shouts over to Robert who is doing his very best not to get sick after Aaron’s show. 

“I think there might be a bottle,” Robert calls distractedly as he looks in the back, “hang on a moment.” Aaron does, straightening up and moving back over to the car and leans his whole body against it. “Here,” Robert shouts out. 

He’s holding out a bottle of water for Aaron to take and he's thankful. He swishes the water around his mouth before spitting it out and does that twice more before actually drinking some. He feels safe to get back in the car, making sure to roll the windows down to help drown out the smell of Robert’s cologne. 

“Sorry,” Aaron mumbles even though he feels like he has nothing to be sorry for. He rests his head against the door with half of it out the window. 

“Whatever,” Robert grunts. “Let’s just get going.” He pulls back onto the road and they drive in silence to the clinic. 

It’s air-conditioned inside even though it’s early April. Aaron doesn’t mind it at all, enjoys it to be honest. The lady at the service counter smiles kindly at him when he walks up. “Hi,” he says but without a smile; he still feels queasy. ‘“I’m Aaron Livesy, I have an appointment with Dr Davis.” 

The woman checks her computer before nodding. “Yes, I see it here. You and your husband can have a seat and she’ll be with you both in a moment.” 

“Er, he’s not my-” Aaron turns to find Robert standing right behind him, looming and looking horrified. Aaron rolls his eyes and turns back to the woman. “He’s not my husband.” 

“Oh,” she said embarrassed, “I’m sorry. Please have a seat.” 

“Ta.” 

They sit down in a set of chairs next to each and Aaron gets a whiff of Robert’s cologne and gags. “Go sit over there.” 

“You’ve never had a problem with the way I smelled before,” Robert throws back but goes and sits across from him instead. 

“I wasn’t pregnant then!” 

“Isn’t there something you can do, a pill you can take?” 

“Are you stupid?” Aaron questions and rolls his eyes. “There isn’t a cure for morning sickness. I usually drink peppermint tea, it does well to soothe it but I was in a rush this morning and didn’t get to make a cup. I’ll be fine until later just stay downwind from me.” 

Robert rolls his eyes this time just as a door to their left opens and out walks Dr Davis. “Aaron,” she greets him kindly, glad after their last meeting she’d stopped calling him Mr Livesy. “You look well, glowing almost.” 

“It’s the morning sickness,” he grunts and she chuckles. Aaron glares over at Robert like it’s all his fault, he is carrying Robert’s baby after all. 

“I know that glare,” she smiles and turns to Robert. “You must be that father?” 

“Er,” Robert begins and shakes his head. 

“We’re here to find that out,” Aaron supplies. “We need a paternity test.” 

“Oh,” Dr Davis says and nods. “We can do that for you. We’ll do your appointment and scan first and then the paternity test. Would you both like to be in the examination room.” 

“Erm, uh…” 

“No,” Robert decides for both of them and Aaron tries not to feel upset. He shouldn’t have expected anything different from Robert. “I’ll be out here when you’re finished.” 

“Alright then,” Dr Davis stood back and let Aaron pass her and walk into the back first and then she led him down the hall to the examination room where he had his first baby scan. 

“Go on ahead and take your jacket off and then climb up on the table.” Aaron does as she asks, getting comfortable as she pulls over the ultrasound machine. “How have you been feeling, Aaron.” 

“Nauseous,” he complains. “Well, today at least. I’ve been drinking peppermint to help with morning sickness and it’s worked so far but I didn’t drink it today so I’m not feeling my best. And horny, I’m constantly horny.” 

Dr Davis gives a little chuckle at that. “Morning sickness is good,” she said as she turns the machine on. “Means your baby is healthy. I did warn you about the increased libido.” 

“I know,” Aaron sighs, “it’s just…” he blushes. He know’s he can confide Dr Davis, she’s his doctor and Aaron’s sure she’s heard it all but still. 

“Yes?” She presses as she lifts up his shirt, exposing his self-harming scars. She’s seen them before and doesn’t give them a second glance. He really does like her. 

“Well, when I, er - I get off, y’know, I don’t lose my erection the first time.” 

“Most men would be proud of that,” she points out. Aaron frowns at her and she laughs softly. “Sorry, unprofessional. 

“Well, also I’m like, coming a lot. Not like a lot of times, just a lot of come. All at once, or in this case twice.” 

“It’s the testosterone injections were giving you. Testosterone helps produce healthy sperm since your body is receiving so much at once it’s producing at a higher rate. It’s why your erections are lasting longer and there is so much sperm when you ejaculate.” 

“So that’s all normal?” 

“Absolutely,” she promises and Aaron is relieved. “Are you eating healthy, getting plenty of sleep?” 

“I sleep a bit more than usual but isn’t that supposed to be normal?” She nods and waits for Aaron to continue. “My mum is making sure I eat plenty and healthy.” 

“Good. That’s good. What about work, you aren’t overdoing it at all?” 

“Oh, oh no. My best mate, we own a scrap yard business together. When he found out I was pregnant he banished me to desk duty only. I’m not allowed to lift a single piece of scrap until after the baby is born.” 

“Sounds like he’s looking out for you,” she comments, obviously hearing how annoyed Aaron sounded. “You’re still getting some exercise in though? It’s good for you and the baby to exercise, as long as you don’t overdo it.” 

“I walk a lot. Since we live in a small village it seems useless to drive places when I can just walk to them. I used to run every morning but stopped when I found I was pregnant.” 

“Walking’s good exercise, the best you might say. But, as I said, don’t overdo it.” 

“Promise,” Aaron agrees. 

“How about stress? Have you been relaxing?” Aaron looks away guiltily because it hasn’t felt like he’s relaxed at all. Between things with his mum recently and of course Robert, it feels like he’s been a walking ball of stress. 

“Stress is very bad for you and the baby, Aaron,” Dr Davis says disapprovingly. “I know sometimes we can’t avoid it, but now more than ever you need to. When you feel stressed or angry, take yourself out of that situation. Go for a walk, take a nap, do something that helps take your mind off it and relaxes you. It’s very important you do that.” 

“Okay,” Aaron nods, still feeling guilty. What kind of harm has he been putting his baby in? “I promise I will.”

“Good. Now then, are you ready to see your baby again?” Dr Davis asked. 

Aaron’s face broke out into a wide, beautiful grin. “Yes.” 

She poured the cold gel onto his body and used the sensor to spread it around. Sounds from the machine filled the room as she moved the sensor over his belly, searching for his baby. “It’s taking too long,” Aaron said worriedly when she didn’t find his baby right away. 

“It’s alright, calm down. There it is,” and the sound of Aaron’s baby's heartbeat filled the room. It was still just as magical as the first time. 

“Oh wow,” Aaron gasped. Dr Davis pointed at the screen but Aaron didn’t need her to. He could see his little one and the fact that he or she was growing inside him right now… Aaron didn’t have words. 

“Everything looks great. The baby, your uterus; everything. You and your baby seem to be very healthy, Aaron. Would you like a scan photo?” He will admit that he’s relieved and nods quickly at her question. She prints one out from the machine and hands it over to him. “I’m going to send a nurse in to take your vitals and we’ll need to gather a urine sample from you. After those tests are finished we can bring Mr…” 

“Sugden, Robert Sugden.” 

“Mr Sugden in and do the paternity test.” 

She leaves then and not much later his nurse comes in. It’s some young man, not much older than Aaron. He tries to make jokes but Aaron doesn’t really care for them and after a while with no laughs from Aaron, he quits. 

“Alright, Mr Livesy,” nurse Toliver said and hands over a clear plastic cup. “If you’ll take this into the bathroom across the hall. Fill it up to the blue line, and then come get me and I’ll take it from you.” 

Aaron’s glad he had to pee so it doesn’t take long for him to finish. The nurse takes the cup from him, puts his name on it and takes it down the hall and has Aaron wait in the same room for over fifteen minutes before Dr Davis returns. 

“Alright, Aaron, all your vital signs are good, and your urine sample showed nothing out of sorts. You are a very healthy, pregnant man” 

“Perfect,” Aaron said relieved. 

“How about we bring in Mr Sugden and do these paternity tests. Are you unsure he’s the father or?” 

“No, I know he is, but he’s just being stubborn about it and won’t believe me. He - he doesn’t want the baby.” 

She humphs and gives him a sympathetic pat on the arm before leaving and then returning not moments later with Robert. Robert follows in after her, carrying a cup with a cafe logo on the side. “Did you seriously go and get yourself a brew?” 

Robert rolls his eyes and thrusts the cup out to Aaron. “It’s peppermint tea. I got it so I wouldn’t have to listen to you complain the whole ride home.” 

Warmth spreads through Aaron’s chest because even though Robert had phrased it in a nasty way, he still cared enough to go and buy Aaron a cuppa of peppermint tea so he wouldn’t feel sick anymore. “Thanks,” he said softly and drank deeply from the cup. It was lukewarm now but that didn’t matter, it was soothing and tasted good. Aaron hummed in appreciation. 

Nurse Toliver came into the room after knocking, bringing with him two official looking plastic resealable bags. One bag held a clean cotton swab and the other a syringe and empty plastic vial. “Thank you,” Dr Davis said. “If you’ll draw Aaron’s blood for me, please.” 

Dr Davis opened up the other bag and took out the cotton swab and approached Robert as nurse Toliver came to him with syringe and vial. “Open wide,” Dr Davis instructed Robert and she swabbed the inside of his cheek. After she dropped the now used cotton swab into the same bag it came in, she wrote Robert’s name on the bag and set it aside. 

The nurse took Aaron’s blood, it was just as bad as he remembered it being, and then put it in the other plastic bag with Aaron’s name on it. The nurse left the room with both bags. “You should receive the results in three to five days. Should I mail a copy to each of you?” 

“No,” Robert said before Aaron could answer. “Just to him.” God forbid the little wife discovers the truth. 

“Very well,” Dr Davis nodded. “Either of you has any questions to ask me?” 

“I’m good,” Aaron nodded and Robert kept silent. 

“Alright then. Oh, wait, I forgot to tell you, Aaron. I found you a doctor at Hotten General. He just transferred from a hospital in Manchester. I called and they only had wonderful things to say about him and then I called Hotten General and they said he's wonderful as well. His name is Dr Alex Mason and I’ve set you up an appointment to receive your weekly hormone injections from him next Thursday.” 

“Oh,” Aaron said and frowned. He didn’t like seeing a new doctor. She seemed to understand because she smiled kindly at him and said, “Don’t worry. If you don’t like him you can continue to see me. I’m only having you meet with him out of convenience. Either way, he’ll be the one delivering your baby come time unless you want to move out here for the last month of your pregnancy. I won’t make it to Hotten in time before you’ll have to deliver.”

“I know,” Aaron agreed begrudgingly. “I’ll meet Dr Mason.” 

“Good. Goodbye, Aaron. It was nice meeting you, Mr Sugden.” 

Aaron told her goodbye and Robert grunted. “Wait here,” Aaron said to Robert and pushed his hoodie and empty teacup into Robert’s arms. “I have to use the bog.” 

****

Robert rolled his eyes as he was left standing there clutching Aaron’s hoodie and the empty cup. they’d been there for over an hour now and Robert was more than ready to go home. He’d made up some excuse about a possible business venture out in Leeds and he was sure to be evasive with Chrissie about how long it would take. He would lie to her and say that the chase was a dead end after he returned.

Robert adjusted the hoodie and groaned when something slipped out of the pocket and he had to bend down and pick it up. At first, he thought it was a slip of paper, all he could see was the plain white backside of it. He picked it up and turned it over, gasping out when he saw what it was. 

He froze, completely entranced by the sonogram photo he was looking at. At first glance, it was only a dull, blurry lined photo that held no significance to Robert, at least that's how it was until he spotted it. It was so tiny, barely noticeable but the shape, after discovering it, was easy to make out. An underdeveloped baby. Aaron’s baby. 

_Possibly my baby,_ Robert thought to himself as his heart quickened. He didn’t understand what he was feeling but suddenly the room felt warmer even with the air conditioning on and a slight tremor in his hands began. 

“Alright,” Aaron said as he came out of the bathroom. “We can-” he stopped and Robert couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scan. This is inside Aaron, right now, _and I could’ve put it there._ His thumb grazes along the edge of the photo. “Robert?” 

Coming out of his daze, Robert flinched and shoved Aaron’s stuff back into his arms, scan photo as well. “Let’s get the fuck out of here,” Robert snapped angrily and pushed past Aaron and out the door. 

They didn't speak on the ride home, either of them bothering to try and start a conversation. Robert couldn’t stop thinking about the sonogram and Aaron was smart enough not to push the subject. It took a long while for Robert's heart to stop thumping rapidly in his chest.

Aaron turned to Robert when they got back to Hotten at the same car park they’d met in so Aaron could ride to Leeds with Robert. “I’ll call you when the results come in. We can meet when they do.” 

“Fine,” Robert grunts and waits for Aaron to get out so he can leave. “Thanks, for the tea.” 

Robert holds back his eye roll, it was just a stupid hot beverage. “Are we done here?” Robert snapped. 

“Yeah,” Aaron gruffs and gets out, slamming the door harder than necessary. 

****

Aaron doesn’t hear from Robert for four days, doesn’t even see him. He supposes Robert is doing his best to ignore Aaron until the paternity results are in. Aaron already knows the truth, after all, he got pregnant on purpose and he hasn’t been with anyone else. Unless he’s carrying the next messiah, he’s pretty sure it’s Robert’s baby. 

Robert can live in denial all he wants but on the fourth day after taking the tests, the results come in and Aaron knows Robert can no longer bury his head in the sand. Aaron holds the truth in his hand in the form of a white envelope and wonders how much the truth is really going to change things. Just because Robert’s going to have undeniable proof shoved right in his face that Aaron’s carry his baby doesn’t mean Robert is going to turn over a new leaf all of a sudden, leave Chrissie and start a new life with Aaron and their baby. 

No matter how much Aaron wishes that would happen. 

Four days have gone by and Aaron misses Robert. It’s stupid he knows, especially the last few times he’s seen Robert, the older man has been nothing but nasty towards Aaron, but Aaron still loves him and going this long without seeing him, it’s hard. 

The results are an excuse to see Robert and one Aaron is glad to have. He folds the envelope and stores it in his back pocket and fishes his phone out of his front one.

He calls him from the back room in the pub and Robert answers at the last second before Aaron was about to hang up. “Yeah?” 

“I have the paternity results. Where do you want to meet?” It’s silent again and Aaron wonders if the call dropped when Robert answers. 

“Wylie's, twenty minutes.” Robert hung up without saying goodbye and Aaron sets his phone down on the table, feeling keyed up all of a sudden. He was going to see Robert soon. 

Aaron was going to run upstairs and shower when Katie comes through, arms crossed and looking suspicious. “Haven’t you ever heard of knocking.” 

“Chas doesn’t care if I knock. Who were you just talking to, Aaron?” He goes tense and glares at her. 

“Were you spying on me?” He demands. 

“No. Paranoid much?” _Defensive much?_ Aaron thinks. He keeps glaring at her before he decides he doesn’t have time for this. He rolls his eyes and pushes past her out of the room. He’s almost upstairs when he remembers his phone, he might need it in case Robert calls and changes when or where he wants to meet. 

Standing by the table with his phone in her hand is Katie, obviously snooping. “Fucking hell, Katie!” He snatches it away from her, checking to see what she was doing and was glad to find that she hadn’t figured out his passcode. In fact, she had tried so many times it had locked up for the thirty seconds. “What were you doing?” 

“What’s going on?” Chas asked as she comes in the back room. 

“Katie was snooping through my phone,” he accused. “Why would you do that?” 

“I’m sorry,” even though she doesn’t sound it. “I heard you say something about paternity results and meeting someone. I got curious. I shouldn’t have.” 

“Yeah, you fucking shouldn’t have. Go home, Katie.” 

“She apologised,” Chas said. 

“So? Keep out of my business you nosy cow!” Aaron almost stormed out but Chas stopped him. 

“You did a paternity test? I thought you were sure about the father?” 

“I am,” Aaron hissed. “He didn’t believe me, not that it’s either one of your business. Do me a favour and do one, both of you!” 

Aaron runs upstairs, beyond angry that Chas defended Katie. She should have thrown her out. If that’s what it’s going to be like, maybe Aaron doesn’t want to live at the pub when the baby is born. He can’t imagine what would have happened if Katie had discovered Robert is the father. He shudders at the thought of the blow up it would cause. 

He showered quickly, changes his clothes and notes that his jeans are getting a little bit tight around the middle. He makes sure he has his phone and the test results. At last second he opens up his bedside cabinet and takes out the latest baby scan photo. It’s a long shot, but maybe - hopefully - Robert might want it. 

****

Robert is there before Aaron and he goes inside to wait. He thinks about last time he was here and how Aaron had dropped the baby bombshell on him. Now he was about to find out whether or not he’s actually the father. 

Call him impatient, but he really wishes Aaron would show the fuck up already so they could get this over with. He feels like he should have brought something, like a bottle of whiskey to help drink his sorrows away if he is the father or a bottle of champagne to celebrate if he isn’t the father. Instead, he only brought himself and his nerves. 

Ten minutes pass before Aaron shows up. He’s recently showered, hair still wet and smelling strongly of soap. It’s nice. Out of his back pocket, Aaron pulls out a sealed envelope. “I didn’t open it,” he promises. 

Robert holds it in his hands suddenly feeling shy about doing it. “Unless you want me to,” Aaron offers instead. 

Robert hands it back over, he just can’t do it. Aaron clears his throat and rips into the envelope, unfolding the piece of paper inside and stares blankly at it. Robert’s heart stutters in his chest as his breathing rattles out harshly. “98% chance of paternity. You’re the father.” 

“Fuck,” Robert gasps in dismay. 

Aaron folds the letter back up and puts it back into the envelope like Robert’s world isn’t spiralling out of control all over again. _He did say I’m the father,_ Robert thinks bitterly.  


“Please,” Robert begs desperately, “please get an abortion.” 

“NO!” Aaron screams. 

“Why are you doing this to me?” Robert begs for an answer. “Why are you ruining my life?” 

“I’m not,” Aaron growled. “I didn’t force you to have sex with me.” 

“No but you’re forcing me into fatherhood,” Robert throws back. “Why can’t you get rid of this one and go find some bloke who actually wants a baby with you.” 

“Because I want this baby,” Aaron tells him. “This one,” he puts one hand on his stomach and reaches into his back pocket and pulls out the baby scan photo from last week. “This one right here. I want your baby.” 

“Well I don’t want it,” Robert spit back at him. “I don’t want a baby with you. I would never want one with you.” Aaron flinches like Robert hit him and figuratively he did, right below the belt. “You really think I’d leave my gorgeous, sexy wife for some messed up bloke who cuts himself and his sad, pathetic last chance at happiness baby.” 

Tears well up in Aaron’s eyes, _good_ Robert thinks vindictively. He just wants Aaron away from him, for good. He doesn’t want Aaron to want him to play the part of daddy or accept things from him because Robert is the last person Aaron - or anyone for that matter - should want to have a baby with. 

It’s just Aaron’s really bad luck the condom broke with Robert. 

“It’s laughable at how desperate you are,” Robert laughs cruelly. “You’ll mess that baby up just as bad you are, and when it’s all grown up it’ll leave you as well. Won’t even be able to stand the sight of you.” 

Robert’s on his backside, nose throbbing where Aaron struck him. Hot wetness leaks out and Robert touches it with his tongue, the metallic taste of blood bursts on his tongue. “Gonna hit your kid too?” And that’s just the icing on the cake, especially with how horrified Aaron looks right now. He’ll never want Robert around after this. “Guess you always hurt the ones you love, huh?”

He’s gone before Robert can get another word in or pick himself up and dust himself off. He wipes his bleeding nose with his sleeve. It’s not broken but it hurts something fierce. 

There’s no chance Aaron will want Robert to be apart of this now. No one in their right mind would let Robert anywhere near their child after the things he said and the way he acted. 

And the best part, the really good kicker in all those horrible, nasty, heartbreaking things he just said to Aaron is, well, Robert was talking about himself. 

He always hurts the ones he loves. 

****

Robert’s thinking about that sonogram scan and pouring himself a generous nightcap. It’s been a long week waiting for the paternity test results and he’d honestly hoped for a different outcome, even though a part of him already knew without a doubt Aaron was pregnant with his baby. 

“I feel like I haven't seen you all day,” Chrissie says even though she’s seen him not an hour ago, had a conniption over his damaged nose and Robert claimed he’d tripped and fell. He doesn’t think she believed him but it isn’t like she can prove him to be a liar. “Did you have a good day?” 

“Yeah,” Robert lies. All he ever does is lie, no wonder he’s gotten so good at it. Will his child inherit his natural talent for lying so easily? God, he hopes not. “You?” 

“I did,” she smiled and helped herself to a glass of red wine. “Lachlan and I went shopping, he’s very adamant about getting a Ferrari when he gets his license. You’ve gone and taught my son bad habits when it comes to flashy cars,” she mock scolds. 

“Just shows he has good taste,” Robert smirks, but it’s forced. _My son,_ she’d said and Robert can’t help but ask next. “Will you and I have children one day?” Chrissie can’t carry but they can adopt or have an OUC surrogate and use Robert’s sperm. He’s obviously not firing blanks. 

Chrissie pauses, her good-natured smile leaving her face and was replaced with mild surprise. She sets her wine glass on the countertop without taking a drink and clears her throat. “Why do you ask?” 

“Just curious,” Robert shrugs like it isn’t a big deal. 

“Erm… well to be honest, no.” Robert keeps his face passive as he tries to control the emotions he’s feeling inside. There are too many of them going on for him define them exactly. “Does that bother you?” 

Robert doesn’t answer but instead asks, “Why?”

“Well, I have Lachlan,” she says like that clears the entire conversation up, but it doesn’t. Far from it. “Okay, hold on and let me explain. When Donny and I got married we were very young, you know this I’ve told you, along with Donny’s gambling, drinking and the fact that we were fighting all the time, it was about to end. We were just too young and foolish but Donny was so sure we could make it work. I was ready to leave, had my bags packed with one foot out the door when Donny suggested adoption. 

“I thought it was a lost cause no matter what, but call me lovestruck or just plain stupid I decided to try it, one last chance to save it all I suppose. I agreed to adoption even though in the past and in my mind I had told myself I never wanted children.” She held her hand up when Robert went to interrupt her, questions about Lachlan running through his mind. “I love Lachy, have since the moment he was put into my arms as a baby. I wouldn’t trade a thing in this world for him. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t wondered what my life would be like without him in it.

“I had dreams and hopes, I never wanted to run the business with my dad. I wanted to act, be on the telly, which I know sounds silly, especially now, but it’s what I wanted when I was younger. I’ll never get to know what life would be like without Lachlan, and honestly, I don’t want to know, but after Lachy is all grown up and moved out, living his own life and doing his own thing, I’ll get mine back. I’ll get the chance to discover who I am now because I know that who I was in the past is long gone. Being a mum was a great experience, one I’ll get to keep being for the rest of my life, but it’s what I’ll have done for eighteen years, I don’t want to spend the next eighteen years after that doing it all over again. I want the chance to figure out who I am, and I want to do that with you by my side.”

Robert doesn’t know what to say to all of that. In a way it makes sense but at the same time doesn’t. She loves being a mum but doesn’t want to be one when her son is grown up and on his own. And what does that mean for him, will they never get to be parents together? Will Robert forever be doomed to be a step-parent only?

“Robert, should we have discussed this before we got married?” Robert jerks his head up, meeting Chrissie’s worried eyes. This could cost him everything. Is a child really worth that? 

“No,” Robert said and it came out weak to his own ears. “No,” he said with more conviction. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be the reason you never get the chance to be a dad.” 

“No,” Robert said again. “To be truthful I don’t think I’m cut out to be a dad. I like my freedom too much.” 

Chrissie smiles but it’s gone just as quick as it comes. “Are you absolutely sure?” 

No, he’s not but he’s not going to throw everything away on somewhat if. Besides, what kind of dad would he be? Like Jack? He hopes not. The thought of stripping away his child's self-esteem, making that child feel tiny and insignificant and just-just plain wrong, was something Robert never wanted to do. He never wanted to make his child feel bad and dirty because they had felt things they couldn’t control or understand at such a young age. He would _never_ do that. 

“Robert?” Chrissie asked worriedly. Robert hadn’t realised but he was sat there with his hands clenched into fists, one wrapped around his glass and about to shatter it and the other was cutting nails into his palm and turning white around the knuckles. “You’re worrying me.” 

Robert blinks and loosens his grip. “I’m sure, Chrissie. Having you is enough and I can’t wait to help you find yourself when it’s only the two of us.” 

Chrissie smiles then and moves into his space, kissing him affectionately at first before slipping him the tongue and making it dirty. “Come upstairs?” 

“Soon,” Robert promises. “Let me clean up first.” 

“Alright,” she breathes against his lips. Chrissie gives him another long kiss and then rushes out to go upstairs to slip into something sexy. 

Robert watches her leave with a heavy heart. Chrissie, this life he’s building with her, all the hard work he’s put in with her and her family and the business, it’s all so bloody important to him. Robert’s always wanted to be more, have more; prove himself worthy of his family, especially towards his own dad. He’s always had high hopes for his own future, planning since he was young and among that planning and dreaming for the future Robert always planned it with him having children one day. 

He doesn’t want to be like Jack, God forbid he turns out just like his dad, but Robert’s always imagined having kids, about being a better dad than his own was. Chrissie didn’t want them, and Robert couldn't ask her to throw away the next eighteen years of her life just for him. 

So the question he had to ask himself: was Aaron really his only shot at having a child, and was Robert willing to throw all of his hard earned work away just for that one kid? 

He didn’t know. 

One thing he is sure of, Aaron is pregnant with his child and whether Robert likes it or not Aaron is having the baby and keeping it. Robert has a choice to make. 

Although, Robert went and burned any bridge he had with Aaron and with his child today. Robert sighs and downs the scotch, thinking that maybe it’s all for the best in the long run. He really does ruin everything he touches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Paging Dr Mason, you're needed as a plot device in chapter 10." 
> 
> I couldn't not take the chance to make Robert jealous in this just like he is in canon.


	10. I'm Pulling for You to Push Through This Feeling

Eleven weeks into Aaron’s pregnancy Aaron has his first appointment with Dr Mason. When Chas discovered he’d had another scan in Leeds she’d acted like she hadn’t been upset she wasn’t invited but Aaron could see that was all a front on her part. He would’ve asked his mum to come with him but since Robert wanted the paternity test he had lied and gave her the wrong day of his next scan and later told her he must’ve gotten the dates mixed up. He’s invited her to come to his hormone injection appointment with Dr Mason at Hotten General. 

They wouldn’t be doing a scan but at least his mum would feel included, and Aaron was already making plans to invite her to his scan next month. 

Three months into his pregnancy and his morning sickness, its doubled, almost to the point that peppermint tea barely helps. This is the last month of his first trimester and Aaron’s excited about entering his second one. Even though Dr Davis has repeatedly told him he’s very healthy and so is the baby, most pregnancies that end in miscarriage happen in the first trimester. Aaron might be able to start relaxing when he finally enters his second trimester. 

After his fight with Robert about the paternity results, Aaron had come home and cried. He also became very close to self-harming. He had a knife poised near his stomach when he came to his senses, realising that harming himself also meant harming his baby. No matter how badly he craved to dig that knife into his skin and cut, he wouldn’t allow himself to do it. He couldn’t put his baby in that kind of danger. 

All those horrible things Robert said to him ate away at Aaron, his words on repeat in Aaron’s brain. Everyone leaves Aaron, and having his child leave one day when they’re grown up is one of his subconscious fears. It broke Aaron a little to hear Robert throw them out so casually, so he lashed out and hit Robert. 

That had scared Aaron as well. He doesn’t want to be the dad who uses his fists to get his point across. He wants to nurture and love, not abuse and use fear. He started looking into counselling sessions, to help with his need to self-harm and his aggression. He hasn’t found a counsellor he likes yet but he’s going to keep looking. 

Robert won’t even look at him now. Aaron wants to apologise but it’s a little hard when the person you’re trying to apologise to, treats you like you don’t even exist. A part of Aaron wonders if he should just let Robert go, forget it’s his baby he’s carrying and focus on moving forward and preparing for the baby. But there’s the other part of him, the part that loves Robert and can’t forget about thoughts of them being together and raising their child. It wouldn’t be a fairytale, far from it, but it would still be good. Aaron’s sure of it. 

“Aaron?” Chas knocks on Aaron’s bedroom door to see if he’s ready for his appointment with Dr Mason. “We’ll be late if we don’t leave now,” she warns him. 

Aaron sighs, ignoring his stomach cramps from morning sickness and goes downstairs. “Are you feeling okay?” Chas asks she pulls on her jacket. “You’re looking a little pale.” 

“Morning sickness,” he shrugs and they leave the pub together. 

His appointment isn’t inside the hospital, it’s in one of the office buildings surrounding it. They go inside a smaller building, only to be greeted by bright yellow walls with pictures of babies and flowers on them. “Dear God,” Aaron cringes in horror. “It’s like a uterus threw up in here.”

 

Chas snorted and pushed him over to the admin desk. “Aaron Livesy, I'm here to see Dr Mason.” He tells the male receptionist. 

“Fill these forms out and have a seat,” he nods over to the empty chairs in the waiting area. “He’ll be with you in a moment.” 

He fills out the medical forms whilst his mum chats away at him. He’s just finishing up when a nurse comes out to call him back. Chas gets up to follow and Aaron has half a mind to stop her but knows she’d only put up a fight and goes back with him. 

They weigh him - he’s gained five pounds already - take his blood pressure and check his oxygen levels. “Dr Mason will be in soon.” Aaron sits on the patient's table and his mum sat in one of the chairs that were for guests. 

Aaron didn’t know what he was expecting but it wasn’t a young, handsome doctor who didn’t look much older than Aaron. He didn’t know if it was a pleasant surprise or not. “Mr Livesy,” Dr Mason greets him with an extended hand that Aaron takes. Most doctors have cold hands, Dr Mason did not. “It’s nice to meet you and you are?” He asks Chas. 

“Chas Dingle,” she shakes his hand as well. “Aaron’s mum.” 

“It’s nice to meet both of you. Dr Davis sent over all your paperwork. I see you’re in your eleventh week of pregnancy,” he said as he consulted a folder he was holding that Aaron hadn’t noticed until now. “How have you been feeling, Mr Livesy?” 

“Aaron, please, and alright I suppose. Morning sickness is a bit worse this month. Also, my pecs have been really sore.” 

“Hmm,” Dr Mason hums and sets down the folder. “Take your top off and lie back for me.” 

“Most blokes buy me dinner first,” and Aaron can’t believe he just said that. He sees Chas hang her head in second-hand embarrassment, her shoulders shaking with the obvious effort she’s trying to keep from bursting out laughing. “I’m I-I, err... I am so sorry. I don’t know why I said that.” He could feel the heat filling his face, knowing his cheeks have to be so red. 

“It alright,” Dr Mason laughs good-naturedly and smiles kindly at Aaron. “That’s tame compared to some of the things I’ve heard from patients before. I take it as a compliment.” 

Aaron doesn’t know what to say now so he strips his shirt off and settles back on the table. The coldness of the room makes his nipples pebble up. Dr Mason’s hands are warm when they touch him and he shivers involuntarily. He flushes again but is glad to find Dr Mason is either ignoring it or didn’t even notice. He pushes against the muscles of his pecs and Aaron grunts from how sore they are. It isn’t a bad pain, in fact, it’s sort of nice, like getting a massage after having a long workout. He sighs and lets his eyes slip closed.

“Is it painful?” 

“No,” Aaron said honestly. “They’re just sore.” 

“Alright,” Dr Mason nods and pushes at his other pectoral. Aaron moans before his eyes shoot open wide in surprise, realising he's seconds away from popping a stiffy in the same room as his mum and his hot new doctor. 

He’s never been so embarrassed. At least his doctor is professional. 

When he’s done he doesn’t tell Aaron to put his shirt back on and a quick flash of his the doctor's eyes roam over Aaron’s torso, not even lingering on the scars. 

_He just checked me out,_ Aaron thought, a flash of pleasure running down his spine. Aaron knows he’s attractive but it’s always satisfying when he’s noticed by another man. 

“I believe the tenderness is coming from your upper levels of estrogen. They’ll most likely stay tender for the duration of your pregnancy. If it becomes too uncomfortable just let me know and I can do something to help relieve the pressure.” 

_I bet you just could,_ Aaron blushes at his own thought. _Stop being a horny mess,_ Aaron tells himself. _He’s your doctor for God’s sake!_

“Anything else you’d like you to tell me about? I know you just met with Dr Davis but since we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other I want you to be comfortable with me.” _Oh I could be_ , Aaron smirked to himself. “Excuse me?” 

_Oh bollocks,_ Aaron thinks embarrassedly, _I said that out loud._ Chas facepalms behind Dr Mason’s back and Aaron somehow finds the strength to keep holding his head high. He clears his throat and nods. “I am comfortable, and uh no, nothing else to speak of. Right now.” 

“Alright then. I’ll go and get your next round of hormone injections. Don’t go anywhere,” he smiles brightly at Aaron before walking out and as soon as the door is shut behind the doctor, Chas busts out laughing and Aaron finally hangs his head in shame. 

“What was that?” Chas shrieked. “He’s your doctor, Aaron,” she reminds him like he’s forgotten.

“I know, okay?” He snaps. “I’ve embarrassed myself enough, you don’t have to remind me.” 

“He’s hot though,” Aaron cringes at that and shakes his head. Dr Mason is good looking, and a doctor. There’s something attractive about being a doctor, Aaron doesn’t know what but it’s there. 

Dr Mason comes back with two syringes and two bottles of liquid hormones. “I’m going to inject these into your hips. If you could undo your trousers and push them down a bit for me.” 

Maybe it’s because he’s already shirtless but he’s suddenly feeling self-conscious. Still, he does as Dr Mason asks and pushes his jeans down past his hips. Dr Mason marks where he’s going to put the needle, rubs something cold and wet against his skin and then Aaron feels the prick. He jerks slightly from the sharp sting but it’s gone just as soon as it comes. 

“And now the other one and we’ll do it on your other hip.” He walks around to the other side and repeats the process, sticking Aaron in the left hip. He throws the used needles away and puts plasters over where he stuck Aaron. “I’d like to see you again in two weeks for the next injections and then I’d like to make you another appointment on the 25th of May for your next scan and regular checkup. That sound alright?” 

He supposes he has no other choice. He doesn’t have a feel of Dr Mason yet, at least on a professional level and Aaron should give him a chance. After all, this man will be delivering his baby. “That sounds good.” 

“Perfect. You’re all set here. It was nice meeting you, Aaron. You as well, Chas.” The doctor holds the door open for them as they leave. 

“Didn’t ask for his number?” Chas teases. 

“Ha ha,” Aaron deadpans. “I’m hungry… for food.” Chas laughs all the way to the car. 

****

Aaron hasn’t been feeling good all day. It’s a week after his appointment with Dr Mason and everything’s been fine up until yesterday. He was tired all day, slept for ten hours and is still tired. It isn’t just drowsiness, this feeling is pure fatigue. 

He’s at the scrap yard - had to force himself out of bed this morning - and was slumped over his keyboard, seconds away from falling asleep when someone comes in. “Aaron?” He barely lifts his head but can still see Robert standing just inside of the door. “Are you okay?” 

Is he? There’s no pain. There’s been some hot flashes, moments where he feels like he can’t breathe he’s so hot, but no pain. His chest felt a little fluttery yesterday but he passed that off on the heat because he’d been having a hot flash around the same time. 

“Don’t know,” Aaron grumbles and forces himself to sit up. “M’tired.” 

“Are you sick?” 

“Why are you here?” Aaron asked instead of answering, suddenly remembering their last one on one encounter. The bruising around Robert’s nose was yellow-green now, almost completely healed. Aaron’s still ashamed he’d hit Robert. 

“Invoices for the scrap yard. I was never emailed them last month, I need to make sure my investment isn’t being wasted.” Aaron sighed, rolling his eyes but he got up and dragged himself over to the filing cabinet in the corner. 

He was dizzy just from that and had to take a second before he could see the files clearly to find the right one. His heart fluttered again with palpitations and it wasn’t from Robert’s presence. His heart started to beat quickly, too quickly. “Erm,” Aaron groaned out and walked back to Robert. “Is this - is this it?” He panted. 

“Aaron?” Robert sounded far off as the speed of his heartrate filled his own ears and the room began to spin. “AARON?” Robert shouted as Aaron collapsed. He was out before even knowing Robert caught him so he didn’t hit the ground. 

****

Robert paced outside Aaron’s hospital room as the nurse inside took his vitals and drew some blood. He went back inside when the nurse exited. Aaron was pale, sitting up in bed, wearing a hospital gown with a blanket covering up his legs. When Aaron had collapsed Robert had nearly lost his mind. Aaron had gone pale so fast, eyes rolling back into his head and fell right into Robert’s arms. 

After making sure Aaron was still breathing he called an ambulance and waited until they showed, keeping his fingers against Aaron’s rapidly thrumming pulse. They’d strapped an oxygen mask to his face, attached Aaron to a stretcher and loaded him into the back of an ambulance with Robert riding inside with him. 

The hospital was calling Chas for Aaron and Robert hasn’t left his side except for when the nurse kicked him out to do his vitals. They were waiting for Aaron’s doctor, Dr Mason. 

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright now?” Aaron had awoken in the ambulance but had been disoriented. No one knows what went wrong but Aaron’s been silent, eerily so. 

“I don’t know,” Aaron touched his stomach. “I wish I could the feel baby,” he gasped as his eyes went glassy. “Just so I could know if…” 

“Everythings going to be alright,” Robert tried for reassurances but even he knew it meant nothing without actual proof. “Your mum should be on her way.” 

Aaron nodded, fingers picking at the blanket where a string had become frayed but didn’t say anything. They sit in silence, waiting. It should be uncomfortable, whenever they get together they fight and after what was said between them last time - at least all the horrible things Robert said to him - should have them glaring hatefully at each other from respective corners. Instead, Aaron lies on a bed with tears in his eyes as his fingers fray the blanket even more and Robert searches for a way to make things okay for Aaron. 

He knows there’s nothing he can do, not until Aaron knows their - his baby is okay. 

Someone knocked on the door and it opened to reveal a man in a white doctors coat. He wore a sympathetic smile and walked right over to Aaron. “How are you feeling, Aaron?” 

Aaron shrugged, barely looking up at the doctor. “Hi,” Robert butts in, taking the focus off Aaron for a moment. “I’m Robert Sugden.” 

“Dr Mason,” the man nods and holds out his hand for him to shake. “Are you the father?” 

Aaron pauses his work on the blanket but it’s only for a second. “He’s not,” Aaron answers for Robert, finally speaking. “He’s the mate I was with when I collapsed. I want to see my baby.” 

“We’ll do a scan,” Dr Mason promised and turned his attention back to Aaron. “We’re waiting for your blood work to come back from the lab and then we’ll do the scan. I promise.” 

“Can’t you do it now?” Robert asked, hating they’re making them wait - Aaron wait. 

“We need his blood work first,” Dr Mason said, not harshly. “Aaron, can you tell me what happened exactly.” 

“I - I haven’t been feeling well. Tired mostly. I slept nearly ten hours the night before and barely managed to get myself up. Been dizzy and hot, like really hot suddenly and then it’d go away as quick as it came. My heart, it kept fluttering and today, when I blacked out it started beating really fast. So fast.”

“Was there any pain, especially in your abdomen that you can think of?” 

“No,” Aaron shakes his head. “Just, my heart was fast.” 

“Alright. That’s good. I’m going to check in on your blood work. I don’t want you stressing yourself out, especially since we don’t know if anything is wrong. Is there anything I can bring you?” 

“I’m alright,” Aaron shrugs. 

“I’ll get it if he needs anything,” Robert said. Aaron looked up at him, meeting his eyes but there was no warmth there. Robert knew there wouldn’t be until Aaron knew the baby was okay. 

Dr Mason left them and they went back to being silent with each other. Robert wondered where the hell Chas was when another half hour comes and goes. He’s just about to ring her himself when his phone rings, Chrissie’s name flashing on the screen at him. 

“I’ll be back,” Robert told Aaron who barely acknowledged Robert. “Hello?” 

“Robert,” Chrissie sighed into the phone, “where have you been? You said you were going to check on things at the scrapyard but that was ages ago. I was thinking we could go out tonight. Me, you, Lachy and dad. Somewhere nice, not the pub.” 

“Er, yeah sure. I might be a bit though.” 

“Why?” There was no point in lying this time, well at least not telling a complete lie. After all, word of Aaron’s collapse was bound to spread and everyone would know it was Robert who was with him and called the ambulance. He wasn’t leaving Aaron’s side until Chas showed up. 

“When I was in the yard, Aaron collapsed and I had to call him an ambulance. I’m here at Hotten General with him now and I don’t want to leave him alone.” 

“Oh dear,” Chrissie said with worry. “Is he alright? What about the baby?” 

“They don’t know yet,” Robert admitted. “They’re waiting for blood tests to come back from the lab.” Robert turned his head just in time to see Dr Mason coming up the hallway. “Listen, Chrissie, I’ve got to go.” He hangs up before she can say goodbye. 

He follows Dr Mason into Aaron’s room. “Do you want privacy whilst we discuss this?” Dr Mason looks up at Robert, and Robert has half a mind to tell pretty boy doctor where he can shove it because he wasn’t leaving. That’s his baby too and he’ll be--

No! He’s only worried about Aaron. The baby doesn’t matter, he’s made that perfectly clear. 

“He can stay,” Aaron mumbled, trying to sit up but is too weak to do it on his own. Robert moves over and helps him do it, worry clenching at his stomach because if Aaron can’t even lift himself up in bed then he must be in worse shape than they thought. 

“Very well. Your blood results returned some abnormalities,” Aaron’s hand found Robert's and squeezed hard. Robert took it, knew Aaron needed that connection even if it felt like the bones in his hand was about to crack. “You had normal levels of testosterone and progesterone, the two hormones we’ve been injecting you with, but we’ve found that you have very low doses of estrogen which isn’t normal. It seems it dropped off rather quickly, in a short amount of time. The fatigue, hot flashes an elevated heart rate are all signs of lowered estrogen levels.”

“What does this mean?” Aaron asked. “Is it harmful to the baby?” 

“We don’t know,” Dr Mason said and Robert scoffed, opening his mouth to ask what hell he does know but Aaron squeezes his hand to keep him quiet. “We’ll have to perform an ultrasound to know for sure that everything is okay. This isn’t uncommon or unheard of. Since you’re male, your body produces lower amounts of estrogen, unlike a woman's body which produces high amounts. Carrying a baby increases your estrogen levels, but sometimes even pregnant males don’t produce a sufficient amount but there is a way to fix it. Along with the testosterone and progesterone injections, we will start giving you estrogen ones as well which will balance you out.” 

“Has there ever been a case where the baby was harmed because of this?” Aaron asked. 

“It could’ve affected the uterus but we won’t know until we do a scan,” Dr Mason touches Aaron shoulder companionably and Robert has the need to slap it away. He should be consoling Aaron. “There’s no need to panic, Aaron. We’ll do the scan right away, alright?” 

“Okay,” Aaron nodded. His grip on Robert’s hand didn’t loosen. 

Dr Mason had to send a nurse to find them an available ultrasound machine. It took nearly fifteen minutes and in the meantime, they gave Aaron an injection of the estrogen hormone. Robert isn’t sure but by the time the machine arrived he would say that some of the colour is returning to Aaron’s face. 

“I’m going to step outside,” Robert said as he warily watched them bring in the ultrasound machine. “I’m gonna go to the canteen and get some tea.” 

“Please don’t go!” Aaron plead when Robert began to walk away. He stood there frozen, caught in a dilemma. He didn’t want to witness this. What if the first time Robert got to see his child he would be seeing it dead? Or what if it’s healthy and alive and Robert will have to hear its heartbeat. He doesn’t know if he can stomach either. “Please,” Aaron begged again. 

Robert's heart ached, hating that Aaron had that effect on him. Robert knew what it was, but he’d be damned if he was going to admit it. Still, he stayed, standing by Aaron in solidarity as Dr Mason turned the machine on. 

They undid Aaron’s gown from behind, pushing it off his shoulders and down to reveal his stomach. The doctor poured some type of gel on Aaron’s skin and used a sensor to rub it around as a picture appeared on the monitor. 

It didn’t take long before the _thump thump thump_ of the baby’s heartbeat filled the room. It was so loud, the sound taking up every available space in the hospital room. Every available space inside Robert. It was singing inside him in rapid harmony with his own heart like the most beautiful melody. Together they beat as one, _thump thump thump_. 

****

Aaron couldn’t describe the amount of relief he felt at hearing his baby’s heartbeat. It was still the most beautiful sound Aaron has ever heard, but now it was more significant and Aaron understood the sound better. It meant life. Aaron’s baby was alive. 

A lump formed in his throat that he tried to swallow around as tears burned his eyes. He choked on a sob and rubbed his almost non-existent bump. Looking up at Robert, Aaron found the older man entranced by what he was seeing on the screen and hearing. A light was on in Robert’s eyes that Aaron had never seen before, and between that and hearing his baby’s heartbeat, it was almost too much for Aaron to comprehend. 

“Well,” Dr Mason said to draw Aaron’s attention back to the monitor. “Your baby’s heartbeat is still going strong, there seems to be no damage to your uterus or the placenta. I believe you were brought in early enough that the lowered levels of your estrogen did no damage to the baby or your body.” 

Aaron released a stuttered sigh of relief and turned to smile at Robert who wasn’t paying any attention to him or the doctor, his sole focus the baby on the screen. “Robert,” Aaron called, reaching for the older man’s hand to wake him up. Robert flinched but tore his gaze away to focus on Aaron. 

“Did you hear, everything’s fine.” He was even already feeling better now that he could let go of his fear and anxiety. He was still a bit tired but not so much he felt like he was going pass out from exhaustion and his heart rate wasn’t out of control and there were no palpitations. He and the baby were going to be just fine. 

“That’s great,” Robert said distractedly. “I can’t believe that’s my-” 

He’s interrupted by Chas rushing into the room, taking one look at Aaron in the bed and giving a shout, running over to him and immediately fussing over him. “Mum,” Aaron complains. “I’m fine. The baby’s fine. Stop squeezing me,” because Chas had begun a death grip hug around her son. 

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here sooner,” Chas apologised. “I wasn’t even home when they called, but Diane answered and found out you were here. She called me whilst I was out shopping and I rushed right over. I’m so sorry, love.” 

“Mum, it’s alright,” Aaron said to alleviate her worries, and it was. His baby was okay. 

“I’m gonna head out since she’s here,” Robert said suddenly, looking back at the machine that Dr Mason had already shut off. “I’m glad you’re alright.” 

“Robert-” Aaron began, suddenly wishing his mum hadn’t interrupted whatever moment Robert had been having before she arrived. Not to mention he wanted to apologise for hitting him. 

He has so much to apologise for because when Robert had said Aaron was forcing him into fatherhood, he’d been right. Aaron poked holes in the condom, he’d seduced Robert that day with plans to become pregnant. He has no right to expect anything from Robert, and he has so much to be sorry for. 

“I really have to go,” Robert said, cutting in over Aaron. “Bye.” 

He watched Robert leave with a heavy heart full of guilt. He wasn’t sure what felt worse, the palpitations or the guilt. 

****

“What are you doing here?” Someone asked when Robert left Aaron’s room. Standing outside was Katie, idly scrolling through her phone whilst Chas spoke with her son. Robert narrowed his eyes, his lip curling up at the sight of her. 

“I was with Aaron when he collapsed,” Robert explained even though he felt like he didn’t need to. “I was waiting until Chas showed up.” 

“Must’ve been scary,” Katie commented.

“Sure,” Robert shrugged and started to walk away. He had no intention of admitting to Katie of all people that he'd been terrified.

“I saw you,” Katie said suddenly, freezing Robert to the spot. 

“Saw me what?” 

“Up at Wylie’s,” Robert swallowed hard, eyes closing as fear struck his heart. “Now I don’t know what happened, but Aaron was talking to the father of his baby about paternity results and then went and saw you in secret. Isn’t that odd?” 

Robert’s a liar, a good one. He can do this. “I know,” Robert said and turned to her. “Aaron called me, I’ve been helping him with this. When he found out he was pregnant he told me about the father. It’s been hard on him and I’m just trying to be his mate through it all.” 

“Why meet at Wylie’s?” 

“Why follow him? It’s creepy and stalkerish, Katie.” 

“I was curious, besides, Any and I bought Wylie’s land. Technically you and Aaron were trespassing.” 

“Call the police then.” Robert dared her. 

“I know you’re lying,” she threw back. 

“About?” 

“The baby’s father. I think you know more than you’re letting on, and you’re trying to keep it quiet.” 

“Like what?” Robert scoffed, hiding his nerves well. 

“I don’t know yet,” Katie said. “But you and Aaron have secrets. I’ll figure it out.” 

“Does Andy know you like to play detective? Get a life, Katie. This is boring and pathetic.” Maybe he got a little too defensive there at the end but he hates the thought of Katie sticking her nose into his business. She’ll tell everyone he’s the father if she discovers the truth. 

That can never happen.


	11. The Light That You're Seeking, it Begins to Seep In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly shameless smut because I can. ;)

Aaron enters his second trimester feeling good. Without any more complications things begin to settle down. Diane and Doug are moving out of the pub, boxes already being packed up and Aaron is proud to say he’s looked into wallpaper for the nursery. He isn’t settled on anything yet because he doesn’t know the sex, but he secretly has his heart set on race tracks with little race cars all over them. 

His morning sickness is officially gone, which he celebrates by eating. He’s noticed an increase in indigestion though and if that isn’t the worst he doesn’t know what is. He’s keeping stocked up on antacids but even those don’t work at times. Some odds things Aaron has experienced is swollen gums, they hurt when he chews food or brushes. He’d asked Alex - Dr Mason - about it and he said it was normal and to just be sure he’s brushing regularly and flossing. Another odd one was shortness in breath, it worried Aaron until Dr Mason explained he’s carrying more in his torso and it’s working his lungs harder. 

“It’s all natural,” Alex had promised as he gave Aaron his most recent round of injections. 

Alex also said it was natural to feel pains during his second trimester, he promised they wouldn’t be intense just quick little bouts of pain that comes with male pregnancy. “Your uterus is organic, grown in a lab and put inside you. It’s very small, but grows as your baby does. That was normal for female pregnancy as well, except their bodies were built for it. As you uterus grows you’ll be able to feel it. It won’t be intense, unbearable pain. Almost like you’re using a muscle that hasn’t been used in a long time. After a while, you won’t even be able to feel it happening anymore.” 

Aaron hasn’t experienced that particular pregnancy symptom and he’s not exactly looking forward to it. He keeps reminding himself that the pain will mean his baby is growing, getting big and healthy and strong. 

At week fifteen Aaron’s baby is the size of an orange. 

An orange. 

Aaron still can’t wrap his head around it.

Also being natural is how unbelievably horny he is. He thought the first trimester was bad, but between morning sickness and the stress he was under, apparently that was helping stave off his libido. No, now his sex drive has returned and couple that with his rise in hormones, Aaron is a walking, talking mess of sexual tension and a party is constantly happening in his trousers. Even his dildo is useless now. 

All Aaron wants is to shag. 

It’s so bad he was perving on Adam yesterday, watching him sweat out in the sun as he stripped down a car. He’d been half way from getting off just watching the show before he realised what he was doing and had to run home for a much needed cold shower. 

It didn’t help that his doctor was attractive. Aaron’s already been hard twice in front of him and whilst Dr Mason either didn’t notice or was just polite enough to ignore it, it still didn’t help curb Aaron’s embarrassment, blushing fiercely each time he sees Alex now. 

Aaron is aware nothing can ever happen between him and Alex but what he wouldn’t give just to get a glimpse of the doctor out of his white coat and khakis. 

Ever since the scan and Aaron’s health scare, Robert had doubled his efforts in ignoring Aaron and the situation they were in together. It isn’t like they never saw each other, they did all the time (and might Aaron note that Robert is looking extra fit recently) but they didn’t speak. Robert would sometimes look at Aaron but that was all he’d do. Look. 

It’s difficult, incredibly so, when he sees Chrissie and Robert together, looking like the perfect married couple with their posh rings and happy smiles. Aaron will be in the pub, sitting at the bar or a table, hand on his stomach where Robert’s baby lives and watches them be together. It hurts so bad sometimes. So bad in fact it makes Aaron want to try harder, be better for his baby. He’ll be the best damn father around and he doesn’t need Robert Sugden to do it. 

He's finally found a counselor he likes and has therapy sessions once a week. It's going good, he feels good. 

His counselor thinks he should tell Robert the truth about the baby. 

****

Aaron’s coming in at a close on week sixteen when he feels the first stretch of his uterus. Alex was right, it doesn't hurt but it doesn’t feel good also. Around the end of this month he has another ultrasound that his mum attends this time. He hasn’t felt the baby move yet but Alex said since this is his first pregnancy he wouldn’t notice movement until around 20 weeks but he can definitely see his baby’s movement through the scan. His child is very active. 

At the end of the fourth month Aaron has gained nearly fifteen pounds in total since the beginning of his pregnancy. His trousers don’t button anymore. He feels like this extra added weight gain should make him feel lousy about himself but instead he’s… thriving on it. 

His morning sickness is completely gone so when Aaron awakens in the morning he feels like he should be in an animated Disney film and birds should be singing to him whilst he gets ready. He feels like a male model, gorgeous and glowing and wanting start each day walking the cat walk. 

He supposes that’s where he’s getting all his sexual prowess from him. He feels so good he doesn’t mind showing it by checking out David as he opens the shop in the morning or flirting with a bag boy at Tesco, and creating a little sexual tension between him and Finn even though he’d never go there again. It’s nice to feel that way and Aaron is soaking it up. 

“Are you checking out Ross Barton?” Adam asks as he sips from his pint. Aaron’s got orange juice and he’s only slightly jealous thank you very much. “You must be really hard up.” 

Aaron sighs, because he is. Ross is fit, so Aaron’s not embarrassed by it and he’s sure if Ross knew the other man wouldn’t care, because Ross is a sexual man, straight or not. He enjoys attention and Aaron would like to give him attention, especially that perky arse. 

“You’re drooling. Mate,” Adam laughs, “get laid.” 

“I would but I told you, no one wants to shag a pregnant man. Unless of course you’re offering?” Aaron winked cheekily at him. 

“I thought we agreed you’d stop doing that,” Adam reminded him. Aaron rolled his eyes, he was only joking. Sort of. Aaron went back to staring at Ross’ arse until the door of the pub opened and in walked someone who made Aaron’s trousers tighter and not because he was gaining weight around the middle. 

Robert looked so sexy wearing his maroon suit, white shirt underneath hugging his frame nicely, trousers tight in all the right places. God, Robert was sex on legs and the best part was Aaron knew what was under that suit. Tan, freckled body, wiry muscles and soft skin. Thick thighs Aaron’s felt wrapped around him before and a thick, uncut cock that’s big when soft. 

“He’s married,” Adam snapped his fingers in front of Aaron’s face to bring him out of his leering. Oh, would you look at that, the sight of Robert has made Aaron hard. “And straight. I’m afraid you’re still out of luck, mate.” 

_Straight?_ Aaron thinks derisively. _Tell that to the baby I’m carrying_

“Sorry to cut your perving short, but we need to get back to work.” Aaron sighed, hating the idea of being locked up in that hot, stuffy portacabin when he could be outside, with people and hot blokes. He wonders if there’s an all male car wash going on somewhere and if he can get a “full” wash. 

He really needs sex because that sounds like an intro to a bad porn. He actually thinks he’s seen that porn. 

Aaron passes by Robert as him and Adam are leaving and Aaron can’t stop himself from reaching out and cupping Robert’s arse as he goes by. Even gives it a squeeze. 

Robert chokes on the pint he was sipping from at the time, and then whips around to give Aaron a wide eyed stare. Aaron winks, bites his lip and then walks out to leave Robert flustered at the bar. 

****

Aaron was right, it was hot and stuffy in the portacabin and Adam had left him there all alone to go out on an unexpected call out. He was trying to balance a pencil on his face when the sound of a car approaching had him up and out of his seat, glad for the company no matter who it is. 

Aaron’s cock twitches when the company that gets out of the car is a maroon suit and a cock that’s big when soft. 

Robert’s eyes are intense as he approaches, they roam over Aaron’s body hungrily and Aaron’s all ready to go and doesn’t even need foreplay. Pushing Aaron out of the doorway of the portacabin and into the room, Robert closes the door, grabs Aaron by his hips and spins him around until he’s pressed up against the now closed door. 

“You got my attention,” Robert spoke clearly, mouth so close to Aaron’s he can practically taste those lips. 

“Good thing you were listening,” Aaron shot back, hands having a mind of their own as they sought out that firm arse again. “You gonna do something about it, mate.” 

“Tell me you really want this, Aaron,” Robert said in all seriousness. 

“I want it,” Aaron said desperately. “I want it so bad.” 

It’s been too long since Aaron was last kissed. He wants to savor it, enjoy the way Robert claims the kiss, thrusting his tongue in and lapping at Aaron’s hot, wet chasm of a mouth, but he’s too desperate. He was serious in not needing foreplay because he’s been ready to go for weeks and he’s almost to the point he’ll push Robert down and sit on his dick without any preparation or protection. 

“Come on,” Aaron growls as he reaches to undo Robert’s trousers. “We can do it slow next time.”  
“Next time, huh?” Robert smirks. “A bit keen aren’t ya?” 

“Fucking right I am,” Aaron snaps as he shoves Robert’s trousers down, groaning at the fact Robert didn’t bother with underwear today. Robert’s already half hard, his big cock plumping up and twitching between his legs. “Now shut up and fuck me.” 

Aaron pushes Robert further into the portacabin and over his to his desk, shoving Robert down into his chair; his maroon trousers around his ankles. Aaron fumbles around in the bottom desk drawer as Robert removes his the jacket to his suit as well as his tie. He’s unbuttoning the white shirt when Aaron comes back up after finding the almost empty bottle. He’s been using it more often than he wants to admit, especially since he’s been wanking it in his place of work but sometimes Aaron can’t even stop himself. 

Kicking off his shoes and tossing away his trousers leaves Robert almost naked except for his white shirt he hasn’t fully removed. Aaron strips his shoes off, then his own jeans and underwear, barely taking a breath in between slicking his fingers up, reaching behind and pushing two into his hole, bearing down just right to take them. 

He’s been fingering himself a lot recently too, so it isn’t difficult, the stretch barely noticeable. Robert watches him with anticipation, reaching out for Aaron and pulling him over to his lap and having the younger man straddle his thighs. Robert kisses him, drinking up Aaron’s groans as Aaron continues finger himself and quake against Robert. The feels of Robert's skin against his has Aaron breaking out in goosebumps and pressing himself in closer. 

Robert’s hips jerk upwards, thrusting his cock against Aaron’s own, hoping for some kind of friction so he doesn't lose his mind completely. Robert holds him steady by the hip, pushing up with his own and uses his other hand to seek out Aaron’s hole where his lover has two inside, scissoring them deep. Aaron gasps hard into Robert’s mouth when Robert touches him there, adding one of his own fingers into the mix so there’s three now. 

Aaron grips Robert by his hair, pulling sharply to earn a grunt from the older man and bites down on Robert’s bottom lip a bit too hard so he soothes it with his tongue after. “I’m good,” Aaron growls into Robert’s mouth and takes his fingers away from his open hole. Robert isn’t finished, leaving his in and rubbing at Aaron’s velvet inside. “Tease,” Aaron accuses. 

“Never claimed I wasn’t,” Robert whispers against his mouth. 

Aaron looks down between them where their cocks are rubbing together, both glistening with precum. Robert’s rock hard and flushed, the foreskin pull back to reveal the purple cockhead as precum dribbles out the slit. He wants to taste it, put his mouth on Robert and get him off that way. Aaron wants to feel the ache in his jaw that comes from sucking cock and feel the satisfaction in making his partner lose control from just his mouth. He really wants that, but he wants that thick cock inside of him more. 

He takes hold of Robert’s throbbing member, smirking from the way Robert shivers from just that one touch. “Fuck me,” Aaron commands. 

Robert nods quickly whilst removing his finger, kissing Aaron filthily before pulling back and asking for a condom. Aaron freezes, insides turning to stone when he realises he doesn’t have one. “Fuck,” Aaron curses and drops his head down onto Robert’s shoulder. 

“You don’t have one?” And Robert sounds just as disappointed. Aaron can’t blame him, they were so fucking close to a real shag and now it’s either going to be sloppy blow jobs or a half hearted hand job because Aaron’s not going to be as into as he could’ve been if Robert was shoving his dick inside him. 

“Well, I mean we could…” Robert let’s that sentence go unfinished and Aaron lifts his head to meet Robert’s searching gaze. 

They could. Aaron’s already pregnant and even Robert’s not good enough to knock him up a second time. Aaron’s clean, he’s been having blood work down for months now and he would know if something had turned up. “Promise me your clean?” 

“I swear I am,” Robert said immediately. “If you don’t want we don’t have to.” 

“I want to,” Aaron nods. “Yeah. Sure. Just, fuck me already.” 

Robert grabs him by the back of the neck, sealing their mouths together as Aaron lifts up off Robert’s lap to resituate himself and line up Robert’s cock with his hole. “Wait! Where did you put that lube?” 

Aaron reaches behind him for the bottle he’d set down on the desk and pours a glob of it into Robert’s palm. “Take your shirt off,” Robert instructed as he lubes up his cock. Aaron goes still again, suddenly self conscious. Robert seems to understand because the hand on his hip gives a gentle squeeze and his eyes go all serious. “I’ve seen them before,” Robert reminds him. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.” 

But Robert’s wrong. It isn’t about his scars, and he isn’t ashamed, he’s just afraid if he removes his shirt and Robert gets a glimpse of his baby bump, Robert will do a runner. It isn’t huge, but it is noticeable. Aaron can hide it behind black t shirts or hoodies, which luckily is most of Aaron’s wardrobe. Soon enough he won’t be able to hide it all, and whilst Aaron doesn’t have a problem with that, Robert might and Aaron doesn’t want to miss his opportunity to finally get fucked. 

Robert curls his fingers into the hem of Aaron's shirt with one hand and his other cups the back of Aaron's neck. “You don't have to hide from me.”

Aaron's heart thunks heavy in his chest at the words. Robert’s the one person he doesn’t want to hide from. Nodding quickly, Aaron strips his shirt off and tosses it over his shoulder onto the desk. Robert’s eyes roam over him, like he was expecting to see new cuts or scars but instead his eyes zero in on Aaron’s abdomen where it’s bulging with his child. Without the clothing it’s so obvious he’s pregnant. 

Aaron goes stiff, expecting to be thrown off Robert's lap at any moment when suddenly Robert’s grabbing him by the hips and pulling him closer so they’re pressed together and then he’s angling his cock at Aaron’s hole a second time. Aaron has to relax when he feels the cockhead pushing against his opening, and he feels suddenly boneless when it pops through. 

“Fuck,” he chokes breathlessly as Robert seats Aaron fully onto his cock, panting hot breath against Aaron’s neck. 

Robert pulses inside him, hot and tick, better than any dildo in the world and Aaron wonders why he went so fucking long without a real shag. “Can you ride me?” Robert asks when he’s finally buried up to the hilt inside Aaron. “We can change position if not.” 

It’s a considerate offer, one Aaron considers taking because he hasn’t been working out like he used to and doesn’t know if his leg muscles are up to the challenge. It seems like such a long time ago he was riding that dildo in his bedroom when Robert interrupted. However, he wants to try so he braces his feet on the ground and his hands on Robert’s shoulders. 

Robert grips Aaron by the hips, doing his best to help use his strength to lift Aaron up as the younger man begins to ride him. He takes it slow at first but quickly realises neither him nor Robert are interested in it like that. Aaron rides him fast, his thighs burning with the effort rather quickly but he keeps it up, alternating between fast and slow, grinding down on Robert’s cock and then going back to fast. 

“Fuck,” Aaron curses when his legs finally give out, aching with the effort. “Can’t anymore.” 

“It’s alright,” Robert soothes, surprising Aaron with his strength as he lifts both himself and Aaron out of the chair before lying Aaron across the desk on his back. Aaron’s just as impressed by Robert’s dick not even dislodging by the change. 

Robert’s hands rest against Aaron’s neck, loosely and Aaron wraps his legs around Robert’s thighs as Robert begins to pound into him. Aaron can’t even focus because of the pleasure, not even attempting to kiss Robert back when slots his mouth against Aaron’s. He’s lost between the fast pace, the pleasure coursing through from each drag of Robert’s dick over his prostate and just the feel of Robert surrounding him. 

“I’m close,” Robert gasps against Aaron’s mouth and Aaron takes the steps to reach between them, getting a hand on his swollen cock and bringing himself off, body seizing up from his orgasm as he cries out just before Robert comes inside him. Aaron’s floating, relaxed as Robert kisses at his neck before pulling out and Aaron grimaces at the feel of come dribbling out of his hole. 

Robert collapses back into the chair as Aaron mutters something about definitely needing a condom next time. Aaron lies there, too relaxed to move even though he begins to feel the heavy weight between his legs. _Fucking hormones_ , he thinks miserably. His cock is still very much hard and from the questionable noise Robert just made Aaron’s sure it’s drawing the attention of his lover as well. 

“Did you come?” Robert asked, even though he can clearly see the drying cum cooling on Aaron’s skin of his baby bump. “Is that - how?” 

“Hormones they’re injecting me with, produces sperm faster and makes me stay hard. I’ve been literally having multiple orgasm.” 

“Brag a little why don’t you,” Robert snorts. “You want some help with that?” 

“It’s not like I’m waiting for you to sing to it. Come on,” Aaron grips his dick like he’s enticing Robert and the older man rolls his eyes but it clearly works when Robert scoots the chair close enough for him to be situated between Aaron’s legs. 

“Are you comfortable?” Robert asks. 

“I’m alright, back hurts a little but I’m carry a bit of extra weight.” Aaron touches his stomach and watches as Robert’s eyes follow the movement. “You gonna suck my dick or what?” Aaron asks to pull Robert out of his trance. Robert snorts and grasps hold of Aaron’s cock, stroking it a couple times to make Aaron keen. 

“Why don’t you try asking nicely,” Robert suggests before Aaron can make a comeback Robert’s got Aaron’s dick in his mouth and Aaron’s brain short circuits. 

Robert makes it sloppy, always does but Aaron enjoys it. Likes listening to the wet, gagging sound as Robert practically chokes himself on Aaron’s dick. Aaron tugs at Robert’s hair, earning a groan of appreciation at that. Robert pulls off, starts stroking his cock as he leans down to give Aaron balls attention. Robert’s free hand rests against Aaron’s bump and Aaron shivers all over at the contact. Robert sucks and bites at the inside of Aaron’s thighs, leaving behind marks and frustrating Aaron because the hand on his dick stopped. 

“What are you,” Aaron opens his eyes and finds Robert staring directly at the baby bump and where one hand is placed, “doing?” What Aaron wouldn’t give for the baby to kick right this moment. 

Robert doesn’t answer but takes his hand off Aaron's cock and places it on the other side of his stomach. “Huh,” Robert gasps out. Aaron holds his breath as Robert moves closer to his stomach, because what even is happening, but he can’t stop from giving a sharp gasp when Robert lays his head against Aaron’s baby bump, ear pressed against skin.

Aaron isn’t sure what to do so he cups the back of Robert’s neck and places his hand over Robert’s left one. Robert opens his eyes and lifts his head to look up at Aaron, his eyes dazed before he grins and swoops down to take Aaron’s cock back into his mouth. 

Robert keeps his hands where they are, except his left one grabs hold of Aaron’s to keep Aaron’s there as well. Robert works him over with his mouth alone, bringing him closer to the edge as he vacuum seals his mouth around Aaron’s cock and sucks hard. “Fuck,” Aaron cries out, hand tightening around Robert’s. He feels it pressing against his skin, harsh metal digging in and Aaron knows what it is. 

Tears burn in his eyes, suddenly feeling like this is just a stolen moment and it is. Robert isn’t his. Whatever spell Aaron’s bump had over Robert was a fluke and tomorrow he’d go back to treating Aaron like he wasn’t pregnant with his baby and doesn’t even exist. 

Aaron spills down Robert’s throat, Robert sucks him through it until Aaron’s pushing him away, tears in his eyes. His second orgasm wasn’t close to satisfying. Robert’s smirking as he moves over Aaron, regarding his tears from coming to hard instead of pain and sadness. He leans down to kiss Aaron but Aaron shoves him away, moving off the desk and searching for his clothes. 

Robert had let go of his hand the second Aaron had come. 

“Hey,” Robert said in confusion, reaching out for Aaron. “What happened?” 

“Nothing,” Aaron said lowly, not looking at Robert and pushing away the hands that were reaching out for him. “I’ve got to go.”

“Right now?” Robert questions. “I thought maybe we could hang around here,” suddenly Robert goes quiet and Aaron has to look up and is surprised to find Robert looking bashful almost, awkward definitely. “We haven’t really spoken in a while.” 

“Not by my choice,” Aaron throws back him, not meaning to sound as harsh as he did. 

“I guess I deserve that,” Robert muttered. “It’s just-” 

”It’s just what, Robert?” Aaron interrupts, suddenly angry. “Your perfect little life not turning out the way you expected or were you just hard up and too embarrassed to do a runner now that you’ve come. Never like it stopped you before, you’re really good at coming and going.” 

“Fuck you,” Robert spits at him. “You came on to me today. Why are you acting like this?” 

“Maybe because I had to settle for you when I wanted someone else,” Aaron throws back. 

“Are you seeing someone?” Robert asked angrily. 

Aaron feels rage boil inside him because that was far from what Aaron meant. He wanted Robert, he just wanted a different one. He wants Robert that wants Aaron and their baby, one who gives a damn about them and tries. He doesn’t want married Robert who lies and cheats and he definitely doesn’t want the Robert he just had, who touched Aaron’s baby bump and came out of it looking like he just had a religious experience - because in the end, that Robert, will still run back to his wife.

“No,” Aaron said back, voice empty of emotion. “Which is why I had to settle for you!” 

Aaron grabs his shoes, the only clothing he didn’t pull on whilst him and Robert fought and ran out of the portacabin. 

****

Robert drives home in confusion, completely lost on why Aaron had suddenly turned on him like he had. He’s trying not think about it - it and the baby because… why did he have to be so stupid and do what he did? It was just there in front of him, calling to him like some kind of Siren’s Song that only Robert could hear. 

Nothing had happened, he hadn’t heard or felt the baby, it was just a bump but still, to be that close to his child - something he’d been secretly craving for months since Aaron started filling out. Or to be more truthful since Robert saw that baby scan with Aaron. Robert’s been watching, just watching, from afar. Watching Aaron start to glow and grow, barely being able to see it under Aaron’s clothes but at certain angles you can clearly see he’s pregnant or if he stretches and his shirt rides up. 

He’ll watch Aaron caress his belly in public, feeling jealous that he can’t do the same. It's irrational and stupid because he won’t leave Chrissie and he can’t be that baby’s father, but that _is_ his baby nonetheless and Robert can feel that connection. It’s weak, but it’s there. 

It doesn’t help that him and Chrissie have been at odds end because Robert’s distracted all the time - thinking about the baby - and he doesn’t give her enough attention - too busy thinking about the man he impregnated - and the fact that he’s been slouching on the business - forgive him, but he’s got more important things to worry about then fucking contracts! He tries to keep it cool and collected but some days he wants to scream because how un-fucking-fair is all this? He didn’t ask for a baby or for Aaron to hate him or for his life to get turned upside down in the matter of a day. 

A part of him wishes Aaron would have just got the damned abortion.

But he knows, when he watches Aaron caress his stomach, he knows that was never really an option in the first place. It was just Robert being selfish like always. 

Is it bad that he’s thought of a few names already?


	12. Cause They Hurt You So Bad, it's Like They Murdered Your Ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. I've had hand surgery on my right and had to write all of this left handed... Not fun. Might be a while before my next update. Sorry for any mistskes and the lateness. Enjoy.
> 
> This chapter gets kind of intense, and kind of triggery so warnings all around.

Aaron's feeling low. He hasn't gotten out of bed in two days and he knows he's worrying people - especially his mum. She's bringing him food and he's diligently eating it because even though he's feeling down - way down - he won't put his baby in danger. It started after his tryst with Robert in the portacabin, he'd come home and gone to bed and had stayed in there since except for bathroom breaks. 

Chas comes to check on him once every hour. She's tried getting him to talk, but what is he supposed to say. _Sorry I'm worrying you mum but the father of my baby is married and doesn't want me or this child, oh and I got pregnant on purpose and no one else knows the truth except my counselor and her advice is to tell the father, which in turn will make him hate me even more than he does now._

No wonder he doesn't want to go out and face the world. 

Like clockwork Chas shows up to check on him and Aaron can time it. “I'm fine. No mum, I don't want to come downstairs. Sure, you can bring me food.” But other than that, he sleeps or lies there fretting over the choices he's made. 

He loves his baby more than anything, and he loves Robert. He knows which he'll choose if he's forced to pick, but it doesn't mean that losing Robert still wouldn't hurt. He's sure Robert loves him too, or at least he's very fond of Aaron because why else would he keep coming back, why else would he have been so concerned when Aaron had to be taken to hospital? Also, Aaron can't help but think that Robert wants this baby, no matter how much he tries to protest. Robert, he can be downright horrible in certain situations, but he hasn't ever striked Aaron as someone who'd up and abandon his kid. 

Aaron wants Robert to be apart of this baby's life, but he won't allow it if the baby and Aaron are kept in secret. His child isn't someone to be kept secret, his child won't get stolen moments with his father the way Aaron has been getting moments with Robert for months now. It's all or nothing. It hurts knowing Robert will most likely choose nothing. 

Aaron was expecting the knock on his bedroom door, it was going on half twelve and without waiting for an answer, Chas opened his door and strode in carrying a tray with delicious smelling food piled onto it. “Sit up,” Chas instructs. Sighing, Aaron did as she demanded and she placed the tray in his lap - closer towards his knees because his baby bump was in the way of it sitting properly in his lap.

Instead of leaving Chas joins him on the bed, snagging his glass of orange juice and sipping it. “What?” Aaron asks tiredly. 

“Should I call a doctor? Maybe Alex or Dr Cavanaugh. If there's something wrong with the baby? You can tell me.” 

“There's nowt wrong with the baby,” Aaron promised. “It's… I've got a lot going on and I don't know. I'll get over it.” 

“Are you self harming?” She asked. “I love you but if your harming your child-”

“I'm not!” Aaron snapped. “I would never. Why do you think I'm going to counseling.” 

“Then why won't you get out of bed? This isn't normal, Aaron, it's what you do when you're depressed and forgive me for thinking it but I know what you do when you're depressed and it worries me. Not just for the baby but you as well. Just tell me what it is.”

“It's the baby's father,” he snapped out, hating that she thinks he could hurt his baby. “I'm not hurting my baby, I swear.” 

“What about the father, I thought you were done with him?” 

“It's a bit more complicated than that mum.” 

“Why? Does he want to be apart of it now?” 

“No. I don't know. It's complicated.” 

“Aaron,” she sighed, “I can't help you with this unless you tell me. Let me help you, I don't want you carrying all this stress by yourself.” 

“Mum….” Maybe he should. He's told his counselor everything and her solution was for Aaron to tell Robert the truth, something he couldn't do without making everything ten times more complicated. He doesn't have to tell Chas who the father is but he can still confide in her without giving her all the details. 

“He's married,” Aaron blurted out, searching Chas’ face for her reaction. Other than her eyes widening, she gave nothing else away to show her surprise. “The father of my baby is married and we were having an affair. It's why he doesn't want the baby.” 

“Were? You were having an affair?” 

“Are,” Aaron said uncomfortably. “Maybe. I don't know, mum. We recently were together again but it was me being weak. It didn't change anything.”

“I'm not judging you,” Chas began with, “God knows I have no room to do so, but why? Was it supposed to a be one off, or did you plan an affair with this bloke?” 

“He said it was a one off but he kept coming back and after a while I - I couldn't stay away.” 

“Couldn't or wouldn't?” 

“I-I couldn't… I fell in love him with him. I am in love with him.” 

“Oh love,” Chas said softly, making Aaron grimace at the pity in her voice. “Is it someone in the village?” 

“No,” he hates having to lie to her even more. “We met at some pub in town and things went from there. I tried to stay away, more than once but after a while I just couldn't. Didn't want to.” 

“Does he love you?” She asked.

“I don't know. I think he does but he won't admit it. He's scared of being who he really is and now that I’m pregnant he doesn’t have much of a choice but to face who he is. I think he wants this baby, even though he denies it but I just… I just know.” 

“Aaron, you can’t force him. If he wants to be a coward and abandon his child then that’s on him. Not you and definitely not on a baby who didn’t ask to be conceived. It was an accident or a surprise, but neither of you knew it would happen and you can’t change it now. The only thing you can do is love this baby more than anything in the world, and give your child enough love of two parents. You didn’t plan on getting pregnant, Aaron, and if this man is condemning you _and_ his own child then that’s on him, not you.” 

Aaron looked down, knowing he looked guilty but he couldn’t raise his head to meet her eyes. he’s been wallowing in what he’s done for days and hearing his mum talk as if he’s innocent in all this makes him feel about ten times worse than he already was. 

“What?” Chas asked, reading her son easily and clearly. “What is it, Aaron?” 

“He wouldn’t leave her,” he spoke softly, pleadingly. “I loved him and he wouldn’t leave her….” 

“Aaron….”

“I thought if I gave him a reason, one he couldn’t ignore, then he’d leave his wife for me. I-I… mum, I poked holes in a condom we used so I’d get pregnant.” 

“Oh, Aaron!” Aaron flinched at how disappointed she sounded. 

“I know, alright! I hate myself enough but as you said, it can’t be changed now. I’m pregnant and this baby is coming whether he likes it or not.” 

“You tried to trap him, Aaron! You actively tried to make him choose without asking you or her!” 

“Well you don’t have to worry because it didn’t work! He didn't choose me, he didn't choose our baby. He chose his lies and secrets and sham of a marriage where he’s comfortable and well taken care of while I’m alone and have to raise his baby by myself. Guess it’s what I deserve!” 

Aaron wipes at his eyes and cheeks, removing his tears and sniffles. “I don’t think that you deserve that,” Chas said soothingly, “and neither does your baby. I understand how hard it is to see someone you love with someone else, and I understand doing drastic things to get that person, and you’re right, this baby is coming and nothing you do will change that. But if he’s choosing lies and secrets over you and his own child, then he isn’t worth it. I know that’s hard to hear, especially since you love this bloke, but do you really want to fight for someone who would rather treat you poorly, make you lie and deny his own baby?” 

“I really thought he’d leave her,” Aaron spoke brokenly. 

“But he didn’t,” Chas touched his cheek, her hand warm and motherly. “Maybe it’s you that needs to leave him. Think about what's best for your baby, and for you.” 

 

****

 

Chas’ words weigh heavily on his heart. He finally gets up, and comes out of hiding because he realises that's what he's been doing, hiding. He goes back to work - or at least what little Adam will let him do, and does what Chas suggested. He does what's best for his baby and for him. So when Robert comes calling, literally calling out Aaron's name as he swaggers through the door of the portacabin like he didn't see Aaron sitting at his desk first thing, Aaron's ready with the decisions he's decided upon.

“Hey,” Robert breathes out, looking fresh and relaxed like he'd just gotten back from holiday. His skin is sun kissed tan, giving him a warm glow. Aaron's gained enough weight that his back hurts all the time and his feet are swollen, and the amount of hair he's grown he feels like he could star in an adaptation of _Planet of the Apes_ without a costume. He still has the pregnancy glow, feels good and attractive but knows he doesn't exactly look it anymore. His stomach isn't flat with a hint of abs, his muscles have gone soft and he's rounded out in the face. If he wasn't growing something inside of him that he loved so much he'd feel a little jealous of how good Robert looks. “I've been calling you.” 

And he has been but Aaron's been ignoring those calls. He needed to get his head sorted before talking to Robert. “Been busy.” 

“Is everything okay… are you feeling alright?” 

“M’fine. A bit tired if anything.” 

“That's supposed to be normal though, right?” 

“Yeah,” Aaron nods. “What did you want?” 

“Straight to business, huh?” It was Robert's way of teasing but Aaron wasn't in the mood. When Aaron didn't respond Robert cleared his throat, face going serious. “I know I've been making things difficult and I understand it hasn't been easy for you but it hasn't been easy for me either. I wasn't expecting any of this but… I want to help. With the baby.” 

“W-What are you saying?” Aaron hated how is heart filled with hope. He rubbed his bump comfortingly. 

“I know that babies are expensive, and you're going to have eighteen years of taking care of him or her and I don't want you have to worry, so here.” Robert reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper and handed it over to Aaron. 

A cheque for £10,000. 

Aaron's heart dropped the weight of hope it carried and it was replaced with ice. So this was the worth of Robert's love for his child. A cheque. Money and his hands were clean, washed of responsibility because he's paying to have it washed away. Aaron saw red, hand balling into a fist around the cheque. “If it's not enough-” Robert began. 

“Get out!” Aaron said lowly between clenched teeth, holding back his anger for fear of doing something he'd regret. “Now!” 

“I'm trying to do what's right!” Robert exasperated. “Why are you being difficult?” 

“You're doing what's right for you, Robert! It's always about you, making sure you're arse is covered. This money is you're way of washing your hands and ignoring the real problem. It's what a coward does!” Aaron slammed his hand against the table, making Robert flinch. “I don't need your money!” Aaron rips the cheque in half, Robert giving an indignant shout as he did so.  


“I don't need you! This baby won't need you or your money! My child will be just fine without you, better even because at least he won't grow up knowing what a disappointment his other daddy is!” 

Robert's eyes flash angrily and he takes a step forward. “I'm not a disappointment!” He seethed. 

“Yes you are! It's why you stayed away for ten years! You know it's what you are and you couldn't stomach facing coming home to your own family because they all knew what you really are. So you conned a poor old man and his daughter for their money so you could come back and flash cash around like it made you better than everyone else, but it doesn't!” 

“Shut up!” 

“Imagine what your parents would think of you? Suppose it's a good thing they're dead so they don't have to face what a cowardly disappointment their son is!” 

“I SAID SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!”

“Except I do,” Aaron said coldly. “Robert Jacob Sugden, middle name should've been disappointment. It would've saved everyone a lot of trouble.” 

“Think you got me figured out?” Robert snaps coldly, eyes crueller than Aaron's ever seen before. “I'd rather be a disappointment than unlovable. How many people have abandoned you again? Your mum - she couldn't even stand you as a kid and couldn't wait to get away from you, dad threw you out because he couldn't stomach you-” 

Aaron flinched, fists clenching, Robert didn't know anything about him!

“No one's ever wanted you! Even Jackson topped himself to get away from poor pathetic Aaron!” 

Aaron stood up, chair under him flying backwards and crashing over onto the ground. He grabbed Robert and slammed him hard against the door. “Don't you ever talk about Jackson!”  
“Oh, right,” Robert smirked ruthlessly. “Forgot I can't upset poor little Aaron Livesy, he'll grab the nearest sharp object and cut himself for attention.” 

Aaron swung before thinking about it. His fist connected with Robert's jaw, sending the older man sputtering in surprise. Aaron hit him again, knocking Robert to the ground and then he moved over Robert and kept hitting him. He punched Robert until the older man gave a cry of sharp pain, nose crunching under Aaron's fist and blood pouring from it. 

Aaron spun around, leaning over his desk, arm wrapping protectively around his stomach. His hand throbbed, bruised and bleeding and a wave of shame washed over him. What had he done? “Get out.” Aaron snapped, not even looking over Robert. He was too afraid to see the damage he'd done, so ashamed that he let his anger get the best of him. His child would think he was the disappointment. “Just go,” Aaron choked out.

“Aaron,” Robert croaked.

“I said get out!” Aaron shouted. He whirled around, not looking Robert in the face and grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket and hoisting him off the ground. He let go with one hand and opened it with the door and forced Robert out the building. He let go of Robert once he was out, the older man losing his footing and falling at the bottom of the stairs of the portacabin. “Stay away! I don't need you or your money! This baby won't need you! No one needs you!” 

He slammed the door of the portacabin, leaning back against it and began to cry. “I'm sorry,” he gasped and rubbed his stomach, listening as Robert's car took off. “I'm so sorry.” He didn't know who was speaking about. 

 

****

 

Robert's face hurt but the pain inside was worse. He sat outside Home Farm in his car, staring in the rearview mirror at the damage Aaron had done. He deserved it, after what he said but he'd been so angry. Angry from the truths Aaron delivered, each one a metaphorical blow to the chest, and after Aaron was finished all he wanted to do was deliver his own hurt. He is a disappointment, his dad knew it, Aaron knows it, Jesus his own child will know it. 

It's better this way, Robert staying away. All he'll ever do is hurt his kid like he does everyone else. 

He goes in through the back door into the kitchen, going for the freezer for some ice. “There you are,” he jumps but doesn't turn at the sound of Chrissie’s voice. His face is hidden from her but she'll see eventually. He doesn't have an excuse. “I thought you'd be gone longer.” 

“Didn't go as planned,” Robert grumbled and took an ice tray from the freezer, shutting the door and turning to face Chrissie. She gasped and rushed forward.  
“What happened to you? You said you were going for a meeting, not a boxing tournament!” 

“I, er, shot my mouth off to the wrong bloke. It was my fault.” _It's always my fault._

“Did you call the police? This has to be reported.” 

“No!” Robert shouted. No matter how much he's hurt he can't land Aaron in it. “I said it was my fault. I deserved it.” 

“Nobody deserves to beaten up. Who did this?” She took the ice from him and got a tea towel, dumping the ice on it and bundling it up before handing it back to Robert. “Was it someone from the village, Andy maybe?” 

“No. Listen, don't make a big deal out of this. If I tell you, you have to promise me you won't stitch up who did this.” 

“Robert, I-” 

“Promise?” Robert pushed. 

“Fine,” she gives an aggravated sigh. 

His only choice was to lie but using the truth to do it. “It was Aaron.” 

“Aaron?” Chrissie asked skeptically. “He's pregnant.” 

“His fists aren't. I guess it was the hormones and I wasn't exactly being kind to him. I had a go at him for being an OUC.” 

“Robert! I thought you weren't someone who thinks like that! What he's doing is courageous! He's helping keep mankind alive, what are you doing with your life?” Robert had to stop from rolling his eyes.

“I know alright! I was being stupid, but I told you I deserved it.” 

“Did you at least apologise? Not only did you upset him, but you may as well have put his baby in danger.” Robert flinched. _Our baby,_ he thought, hoping Chrissie thought the guilt on his face was for his actions.

“I will,” Robert promised. “It was stupid and I already regret it.”

“Good. You want some painkillers, you're nose is swelling.” 

“Please,” he sighed, thinking that it was over. She gets the pills and a glass of water for him. “You need me, right?” 

“What?” Chrissie asked and took the glass from him when he was finished. She had him sit at the island and got another tea towel and wet it to clean his face. 

“Nevermind,” Robert grunts. “I'm being stupid. Must be the pain.” She drags the cloth down the side of his face, cleaning up the blood. “You're too good for me,” Robert said lowly. 

“I already knew that,” Chrissie said teasingly. Robert gave a fleeting smile. It's the truth, she is too good for him, everyone is. He tries but always does the wrong thing. He thought giving Aaron money so him and his child could have stability and comfort was the right thing to do but it obviously wasn't. 

He doesn't know what to do. He feels sectioned, a part of himself for Chrissie, for Victoria, for his other family, for himself and for Aaron and the baby. It's bits and pieces of himself scattered about and he doesn't know how to control them. They're different sizes, his own was the biggest, shrinking to make room for Chrissie but not by much, then when he came home he made room for his family and somehow Aaron formed a piece for himself. At first it was just a dot, a blip Robert could throw away when he was finished. Aaron was just someone Robert could fuck, use and get off on and then forget when he was finished or bored. Somehow, Aaron's piece of him has grown, tripled in size and lives somewhere close to Robert’s heart. It's impossible to ignore and the thought of throwing it away makes Robert's chest ache. 

He knows what it is, what he's feeling, but Robert can't admit it to himself. 

“You alright?” Chrissie asked. “You look a million miles away.” 

“Huh? Oh, right, erm I'm just tired is all. Getting beat up by a pregnant man can really take it out of you.” 

“Why don't you go upstairs for a lie down? I'll come check on you in a bit.” 

“Yeah alright. Thanks.” 

He gets upstairs and strips down, getting under the covers whilst holding his phone in his hand. He knows this won't make up for what he said and knows Aaron won't give a damn but he sends the younger man a quick text anyhow. 

_I'm sorry_

Robert doesn't receive a reply.


	13. But Everyday is a New Learning Curve, As You Steer Through Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *spoilers* 
> 
> I've been getting a lot of comments about the sex and baby names, you get both in this chapter. Enjoy!

Aaron's lying on the uncomfortable hospital table like bed, his arm covered with cotton and a plaster from where the nurse drew blood. He's eighteen weeks along in his pregnancy which means he'll be finding out the sex of his baby when they do his second trimester scan. He's nervous for some reason. He won't lie and say he doesn't have his heart set on a son, rosy cheeks with a half smile and freckles with eyes a soft clear blue and golden hair the color of the sun. 

Just like Robert. 

It hurts to think about him. Last contact he'd had with Robert had been him beating the older man up at the portacabin and Robert's pathetic 'I’m sorry’ text. He hasn't been around, apparently him and Chrissie had taken off for a family holiday with Lachlan somewhere sunny, at least that's what he'd heard from Vic. Just as well, he's sure if Robert had shown his face Aaron's mum would have easily connected the dots. When she'd seen the state of Aaron's hand, knuckles bruised and one with a gash she nearly cuffed him 'round the head. 

He'd refused to tell her what happened, just said he'd been dealing with a lot and needed to blow off steam and let go on one of the cars at the scrapyard. She wouldn't have believed for a minute if she'd seen Robert's face. Then that would've brought on an uncomfortable set of new questions Aaron wasn't ready to answer. After promising not to do it again and another promise of seeing his counselor she'd let it go.

It still didn't stop Aaron from curling up and feeling sick in his head every time he thinks of what he'd done to Robert. He hadn't deserved it, no matter the horrible things Robert had said to him, Aaron had said just as bad if not worse. Aaron had been so angry, and it's not like he's ever been the best at expressing himself without the use of his fists. Still, if he could get that angry at Robert and do what he did, what hope did he have of not losing his temper with his own child.

That terrified him more than anything. 

“Aaron,” Dr Mason greeted as he entered the private room. “Feeling well?” 

“Yeah,” physically at least. Emotionally he was a mess. 

“Good to hear it. Any changes, abnormalities you'd like to discuss before we begin?” 

“Not that I can think of,” Aaron said. Everything had been fairly regular. He pees a lot more and he's hungry a lot, gained more weight and can't sleep on his back because he's so uncomfortable but all that's supposed to be normal. 

“Alright then. I'll start up the machine and we'll get a look at your baby.” He brings the ultrasound machine over and starts it up, and grabs a bottle of the gel he pours onto Aaron's stomach. “What happened with your hand?” 

Aaron looks down at his hand, the bruising turned yellow green as it heals and the cut almost gone. “A bit of an accident at work,” Aaron lied and hid his hand from Alex's view. “Will I know the gender of my baby today?” Aaron asked to change focus off his hand. “Only thing is my mum is gonna paint the nursery yellow if I don't find out today and I can't live with that.” 

Alex laughed, he had a nice laugh. “We'll see, I can't make any promises. It depends on the baby really if he or she has their legs uncrossed. Are you ready?” 

“Yes.” Aaron lifts up his shirt, taking notice of how stretched and prominent his self harm scars look with his belly sticking out the way it does now. Alex has seen them before so he's not too self conscious about it but he still has that itch to cover them back up. Alex puts on a pair of gloves and pours the cold gel onto his stomach and then uses the sensor to find his baby. 

Aaron will never tire of hearing his baby's heartbeat. “Boy or girl?” Aaron asked, a note of excitement in his voice. 

“I'm afraid I don't know yet. Give it time.” Alex takes measurements of the baby, every inch and then hee checks to make sure his uterus is okay along with the placenta and amniotic sack. “Heart rate is 145 beats per minute, which is normal. Everything looks wonderful.”

“Good,” Aaron smiled. “Er, the sex?” 

“I'm afraid your baby is stubborn and won't uncross their legs at the moment. How about I administer your injections and we'll have another look before you leave, yeah.” 

He gives a shot twice in Aaron's right hip and one in his left before checking the scan again. “I'm sorry, Aaron, but the baby won't uncross its legs. I can schedule you for another scan next week when you come in for the hormones injections if you'd like and we can try again.” 

Aaron feels disappointed but happy that everything is okay with his baby. “Sure,” Aaron agrees. When his blood work returns normal he leaves with plans to come back next week and goes home. 

“So?” Chas asks excitedly when he walks into the pub. “Boy or girl?” 

But Aaron can't answer her because Robert's sitting at the bar. His bruises are like Aaron's hand, yellow green and healing but with more healing cuts. They make eye contact, Robert - he doesn't look afraid but he's watching Aaron wearily. “Aaron?” Chas snaps him out of his lingering and he goes to sit at the other side of the bar. 

“They couldn't tell, the baby wouldn't uncross his legs. Or her.” 

“What? I'm sorry. But everything else?” 

“Good. Great. Really healthy and me as well.” He peeks up at Robert who's still watching him but looks away quickly when they meet eyes. 

“Looks a sight doesn't he?” Chas said lowly to her son. “Said he got mugged in Jamaica on holiday, they're always looking out for tourists and what not. I'd feel bad for him if he wasn't such a mug.” 

“Can I get some water?” Aaron asked to distract her. At least he knows Robert's lie and Chas believed it. 

“Did you find out?” Victoria first asked as she came out from the kitchen and into the bar. 

“Baby wouldn't open its legs,” Chas said for him. “Does that mean we're painting the nursery yellow, I found a nice sunny color we could do it up in.” 

“No! No yellow, maybe green. Alex offered to do a scan at my next appointment for the injections so let's hold off on painting.” 

“Alright fine. Can I at least go with you since you wouldn't let me this time?” He had wanted to find out alone, well he would have preferred someone else but he can't think about that, especially with that someone else sitting across the bar from him acting like he's not listening into their conversation. 

“Mum,” Aaron sighed. “I told you.” 

“I know. I know. I just hate you being alone. It's not like the deadbeat father is involved. Too busy playing house to care about you or the baby.” 

“Mum,” Aaron snapped sharply, noticing the way Robert's eyes hardened and brow furrowed. 

“Sorry, love. I won't say another word.” Aaron sighed and watched Robert superstitiously.

“What about a name?” Victoria asked. “You've had to of thought about it. Only thing is you don't want your baby having a dumper of a name.” 

“Yeah, like Chastity.” Chas grimaces at her own name. 

“What's wrong with your name?” 

“It's Chastity,” Chas said like that clears it up. “It literally means not having sex, ever.”

Robert snorted from down the bar and said, “you really rebelled against your own name, huh?”

Chas turns to glare at Robert. “Oh yeah, and like yours is so much better. Bet your name doesn't even mean anything, just like your life.” 

“It means fame-bright. Suppose I was always destined for glory, Chastity,” Robert smirked. 

Chas rolled her eyes and turned her back to Robert. “I always liked Winona, sounds mysterious.” 

Aaron grimaces and has to stop from smiling because Robert's wearing the same look. “I like Liam for a boy or Daniel,” Victoria suggests. Only thing is, Aaron's already chosen a name for a boy. 

“I've already chosen a name,” Aaron said, “for a boy at least.” 

“Oh, tell us!” Vic begged. “Or it'll drive me crazy and I'll be texting you at three in the morning begging you to tell me.” 

Aaron rolls his eyes and rubs his baby bump, seeing no harm in telling them. Maybe he wants to because Robert is right there listening in and it's a way for Aaron to rub it in his face on all he's missing out on. “Jackson,” Aaron said softly. “I'm going to name him Jackson. If it's a boy.” 

Robert's watching him steadily, guilt in his eyes from the things he'd said to Aaron, and there's a bit of soft sort of astonishment at the name. Maybe it's because it's so close to Robert's father's name, Jack, but that isn't why Aaron chose it. “That's a lovely way to honor his memory,” Vic said sweetly. 

“I really like that,” Chas said and leant over to brush at his hair. 

“Yeah,” Aaron whispered. 

“What about a middle name?” 

“Patrick,” Aaron said a bit louder. “Y'know after Paddy.” 

“He's gonna be right chuffed,” Chas said a with a big grin. “You're gonna have yourself a little Jackson Patrick Livesy.” 

“Dingle,” Aaron said before thinking and bit down on his lip. That was supposed to be a surprise.

“Wait what? You’re going with Dingle? Why?” She didn't sound put out, surprised mostly and a bit happy. 

“Well, I want my baby to have a big family and feel secure in one. I didn't have that, and Livesy never did me any favors - never really felt like one either. I don't want my baby feeling like so, and him or her being apart of the Dingles means they'll never really feel alone, y'know?” Besides he never wants his child to have any connection with Gordon. Ever.

“Aaron,” Chas has tears in her eyes and comes around the bar, hugging him tight before he can stop her. 

“Mum,” Aaron struggles and feels uncomfortable but doesn't push her away.

When he finally gets her off him she plants a huge kiss on his cheek before walking away to check her makeup in the bathroom. “But what about a girl's name?” Vic asked. “Fifty fifty chance it could be a girl.” 

“Haven't thought about it,” Aaron shrugged. 

“Well whatever you do don't name her after the weather, a color, geography or something unpronounceable.” 

“Well see,” Aaron smirked, “you’ve taken all the good ideas away. So much for me naming her Rain Purple Canada Dingle.” Vic rolled her eyes and Aaron schooled his face so he wasn't smiling at the way Robert was smirking from the end of the bar.

“What about Grace?” Vic suggested. 

“Nah,” Aaron disagreed. 

“Helena?” Again, Aaron said no. 

She goes through about ten more, Aaron disagreeing with all of them before a small voice at the end of the bar said, “Nora.” 

Vic turns to Robert and Aaron watched him cautiously. “What did you say?” Vic asked.

“Nothing,” Robert said gruffly but his face was pink and he wouldn't even look at Aaron. 

“Yes you did! Did you say Nora?” 

“Don't be daft,” Robert snapped. 

“Awe,” Vic teased. “Look at you, you big soft lad, already chosen names for yours and Chrissie's future kids.” 

Aaron sighed and planned to escape into the back, he didn't want to hear this. 

“No I haven't.” Robert snapped. “Besides, Chrissie and I aren't having kids. She doesn't want anymore.”

That freezes Aaron to his seat. Robert hadn't said anything. It looks like Aaron really is the only shot at Robert having a child. 

“Rob,” Vic said sadly. “I'm sorry.” 

“I'm not hurt over it,” he shrugs. “Never cared either way.” 

“Robert,” Vic said skeptically. “I know you want kids. You always have.” 

“Not really,” he shrugged and glanced over at Aaron and then away. “I'm not fussed about it so drop it.” 

“Robert,” Vic began, ready to put up a fight. 

“I said drop it!” Robert snapped. 

“Hey, Vic,” Aaron said to get her attention. “Can I get a burger and chips, I'm starved.” 

“Yeah 'course,” she glances at her brother before going into the kitchen. Aaron doesn't wait around and goes into the back, settling down on the sofa with his shoes off and feet up. It doesn't take long for his problems to follow.

Robert stands behind the sofa, staring down at where Aaron lies and Aaron watched him back just as steadily. “What?” Aaron finally asks when it starts to become too much. Seeing Robert, the lingering bruises Aaron put there makes the guilt eat him alive, the shame claw its way up into his throat to try and suffocate him. 

“What did you tell Chas about the father?” Of course, he's only worried about himself.

“Don't worry she doesn't know it's you,” Aaron mumbled and reached for the remote the TV, turning it on changing the channels for something to watch. 

“You expect me to believe you?” Aaron sighs and rubs a hand over his face, settling on an episode of Top Gear. 

“You can believe what you want,” Aaron said crossly. “She doesn't know it's you, I promise.” 

“Good,” Robert said uncomfortably. “Listen, about the money-” 

“Don't,” Aaron growled, looking up at Robert. “Just don't, okay? I don't have it in me to fight with you again.” 

“I wanted to apologise,” Robert said frustratedly. “Obviously giving you the money was a mistake, but I'm honestly just trying to help. I'm worried about you.” 

“Well don't be,” Aaron huffed. “I told you I don't need you or your money.” 

“Yeah I got that,” Robert said and came around to sit on the sofa at Aaron's feet. “So the doctor said everything was okay with the baby?” 

“What?” Aaron snapped. He turned the telly off and sat up. “You don't get to ask me that! Why are you even here? Go home, Robert!” 

“Aaron I'm only trying to show an interest,” Robert growled in frustration. “You're the one who said you wanted me to be apart of this!” 

“Did the last time we “chatted” mean nothing to you?” Aaron stood up, having to push out and up to get off the sofa and truthfully it made it him seem less intimidating. “I can't have you apart of this, not after last time.” 

“Don't beat yourself up over that,” Robert said, ignoring his slip of the tongue. “I pushed you.” 

“Is that supposed to absolve me of what I did? Not only did I hurt you, I could've hurt my baby and I didn't think twice before attacking you. I can't - I need you to keep away. Just go, Robert.” 

Aaron leaves the room, making for the stairs when Robert stops him again. “I can't keep away, alright? I've had two weeks to think about this and I - I can't.” 

“Are you gonna tell Chrissie?” 

Robert clenched his jaw and looked away. “She has nothing to do with this.” 

“She's your wife,” Aaron laughed bitterly. “She has everything to do with this. You can't be apart of this and keep lying to your wife. My baby and I will not be your dirty little secret, Robert. You can't play house with both.” 

“I can't leave her,” Robert said like he was begging, pleading with Aaron to understand. “But that doesn't mean I don't want this.” He leaned in to touch Aaron's bump but Aaron stepped away out of reach. 

“That's just it though, it's not that you _can't_ leave her, you _won't_. But you can't have both.” Aaron goes up the stairs, makes it halfway as Robert grapples with the fact that he's about to lose Aaron and the baby for good when Robert's next desperate words freeze Aaron halfway up. 

“I love you!” 

****

Robert's holding his breath, panic setting in. He hadn't meant to say that, it had been a last resort, one he swore he wouldn't do but seeing Aaron walk away from him had been too much. He'd spent the two weeks in Jamaica with Chrissie and Lachlan sorting his head out and decided that if Aaron wanted him to be apart of this he would, but he wasn't going to leave Chrissie. He could do both, be both and keep everyone happy. 

He was so stupid. 

It was too late now, he couldn't take it back and act like it was a joke. “I love you,” Robert said again, “and I want to be apart of this but you're right, I won't leave my wife.” 

Aaron turned, eyes glassy with unshed tears. “Then you can't have us.” Aaron finished going upstairs and left Robert alone, watching where the man he's in love with and his baby disappeared. 

\----

Robert's went home, opening up Lawrence's fancy whiskey and sat in the kitchen drinking when Chrissie came in. “Rough day?” She asked and eyed the glass in his hand. “Mind if I join you?” 

“'Course,” Robert agreed. She sat across from him and poured herself a glass. “Dad finalised the Taften contracts, it's lucrative, sure to bring in quite the profit.” 

“That's good,” Robert nodded. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Are you sure you don't want anymore children?” Chrissie paused halfway with her glass to her mouth, ignoring drinking it and set it back down. 

“We've already discussed this,” Chrissie reminded, tone hard. “Why are you bringing it back up?” 

“So that's a no?” 

“Yes,” Chrissie snapped. “I told you, I'm a mom but I don't want to be again. We should've discussed this before we got married. I didn't say anything because you never striked me as someone who wanted kids, or even liked them.” 

“I don't hate them,” Robert scoffed. “I just - you know what forget it. I'm in my head about this, and you're right I don't really want kids. I'm gonna head up for a shower.” 

“Robert,” Chrissie called after him but Robert kept going. 

\----

A week later sees Robert in the Woolpack, a horde of Dingles around the bar with Aaron at the center of them. His back is to Robert and hasn't seen him yet. Aaron's been doing his best to avoid Robert and it's been working. He misses Aaron, always does when they're apart for too long. 

“Let's toast!” Chas called out, coming from the back with champagne and glasses. “Apple cider for you, love,” she said to Aaron. They hand out the glasses, all of them speaking at once as Chas pops open the champagne and Robert can't discern what they're saying because it's too many voices at once. 

He walks up behind Aaron and said out to everyone. “What are you celebrating?” 

“Aaron found out the sex of his baby,” Debbie said as she helped pour champagne into flutes. 

“You did?” Robert asked Aaron, unable to keep the surprise from his voice. “What is it?” 

Aaron turned to Robert, unable to stop smiling and Robert's heart skipped at how beautiful he looked. “A girl,” Aaron said. “I'm having a girl.” 

“Here, love,” Chas pushed Aaron's cider into his hand and he turned back to the group. “Here's to our new Dingle baby, may she be able to handle our insane family!” 

“Here here!” Lisa shouted. 

“To Nora Dinlge, good luck.” Chas said and they began to clink glasses and Robert held in his gasp, because that was the name he chose. Aaron's using his choice of name. “Let's turn this into a real Dingle do!” Chas shouted and cranked up the music.

Aaron turned to Robert and shoved a glass of champagne into his hand. “To Nora,” Aaron said and clinked his glass against Robert's. 

“Cheers,” Robert swallowed and drank. 

Nora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who wished me a speedy recovery after my surgery! xx


End file.
